Sex Fact: When NOT To Do Bondage

Kayla Kayla
I can think of plenty of fun times that you certainly should do bondage, but what about those times when you shouldn't? In his book, Jay Wiseman gives us examples of times of when you shouldn't do any bondage:

You Don't Know the Person Well: Doing bondage with someone you don't know well is never a good idea.

Intoxication: You might not be able to judge your limits or what you're doing nearly as well.

Strong, Negative Emotions: When you are significantly depressed, angry, sad, or any other negative emotion, doing bondage can push you over the edge - and not in a good way.

No Negotiation: Before all bondage, there should be a general negotiation about the scene including what each partner wants to do and any health risks.

No Education: If either partner isn't educated about the basic risks of bondage, you shouldn't participate in it.

Lack of Suitable Materials: Experimenting with new bondage materials can be fun, but when there aren't any suitable materials around that will hold weight and keep from harming someone, you shouldn't do bondage.

Have fun with your bondage, and stay safe! Private poll: Have you ever participated in bondage with any of these risk factors? Any other risk factors you want to add?

To find more sex facts like this, check out Erotic Bondage Handbook, sold on EdenFantasys, which is the book where this sex fact came from.

Have you ever broken any of these "rules"? Do you have any other bondage safety rules to share with us?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes, I've broken one of those rules.
49
Yes, I've broken more than one of those rules.
36
No, I've never broken any of those rules.
101
Total votes: 186 (185 voters)
Poll is closed
10/31/2011
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Kkay Kkay
Ack, clicked the wrong one. I've 'broken' two.

The rule on lack of 'suitable' materials- I can see this being very important if you're doing suspension or hardcore bondage (thus the mention of weight-bearing materials), but for casual bedroom bondage, I don't think that using a tie or a zip-tie on someone's wrists is a real issue.

The other rule I've broken is on strong emotion. Sometimes when I'm in a bad place emotionally I'll ask to be put into a tie that takes a long time, usually an elaborate harness. It helps anchor me, and the scene clears my head and my heart.
10/31/2011
Beck Beck
Just the intoxication one. We drink a few glasses of wine sometimes and he ties me down, but nothing too extreme.
10/31/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
All excellent advice.

I've played hard when my husband has had a few drinks. Not when we were new to this type of play or new to each other, though. Still, it's probably better when everyone is completely sober.

I also feel strongly if someone tries to talk you out of negotiation, says you don't need Safe Words or belittles your Hard Limits... LEAVE!
10/31/2011
Hallmar82 Hallmar82
I selected "No" when we've been drinking, but neither of us were drunk (at least nowhere near unscripted fluid expulsion). So, it's kind of a fuzzy line on that one.
10/31/2011
Lucidity Lucidity
When I was young, I broke a rule or two. I've been very good in my adult life, though Great advice!
10/31/2011
Cherrylane Cherrylane
I tend to think some "intoxication" is okay as long as you still have your wits about you. Lessening inhibitions is mostly okay, as long as it's not your first time doing it/you've covered all the basics with your partner and your communication is still on point.
11/01/2011
Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
I've broken the negative emotion one. I shouldn't have but I did.
11/01/2011
pleasurehunter pleasurehunter
Its very painful when someone doms you from a negative place sometimes. Becareful all you doms out there, even mental bdsm can leave scars if its done with malice or unnecessary negativity
11/04/2011
FemmeFlo FemmeFlo
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
I can think of plenty of fun times that you certainly should do bondage, but what about those times when you shouldn't? In his book, Jay Wiseman gives us examples of times of when you shouldn't do any bondage:

You Don't Know the ... More
I'm so inexperienced I haven't even had much of a chance to break any of these rules. But I'll try to follow them regardless. Although I have some criticism of the one regarding drinking. True, you shouldn't engage in hardcore bondage while drunk, and I believe it's always a bad idea to have sex with someone for the first time while intoxicated because you can't really give full consent, but light drinking, with a trusted partner, and some light play with handcuffs and some spanking ... not dangerous, in my experience.
11/06/2011
Kitka Kitka
We try to keep it as safe as possible and so far haven't "broken" any of those rules.
11/06/2011
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
I can think of plenty of fun times that you certainly should do bondage, but what about those times when you shouldn't? In his book, Jay Wiseman gives us examples of times of when you shouldn't do any bondage:

You Don't Know the ... More
Never broken any rules!
11/07/2011
LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
Quote:
Originally posted by Kitka
We try to keep it as safe as possible and so far haven't "broken" any of those rules.
same here.
11/07/2011
pjkstone pjkstone
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
I can think of plenty of fun times that you certainly should do bondage, but what about those times when you shouldn't? In his book, Jay Wiseman gives us examples of times of when you shouldn't do any bondage:

You Don't Know the ... More
Lets not forget the true gift a sub is to us,a true loving caring dom would never let anything happen to our other half
11/07/2011
Mistress Jezebel Mistress Jezebel
I've broken the rules by being under the influence of strong negative emotions.
11/07/2011
zeebot zeebot
Great advice to remember, I'm favoriting this thread!
11/07/2011
bayosgirl bayosgirl
When we have played around a little bit with bondage, we didn't break any of those rules. Interesting post.
11/09/2011
Collogue Collogue
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
I can think of plenty of fun times that you certainly should do bondage, but what about those times when you shouldn't? In his book, Jay Wiseman gives us examples of times of when you shouldn't do any bondage:

You Don't Know the ... More
The very first time I played with handcuffs it was me and my boyfriend as two high schoolers uneducated in kink... he forgot about clicking the double lock safety stop so they tightened on me.. it was uncomfortable, not fun for me, though he seemed to enjoy having me restrained (or enjoying my pain/annoyance--unclea r)
11/11/2011
Equinegoddess3 Equinegoddess3
Very important stuff to remember - I'm too new to this to have broken any of them, but I'll definitely keep them in mind in the future.
11/14/2011
SomeGirl SomeGirl
I've broken one rule. I've been tied by someone I didn't know very well, but I knew they knew what they were doing.
11/17/2011
SMichelle SMichelle
Excellent post.
I've broken a few of those rules, and I guess I have been lucky. That said, as I get slightly older, I am paying more attention to the rules.
11/17/2011
kendra30752 kendra30752
No. No. No. We're always super careful when going there!
11/19/2011
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Guilty of number three from time to time. These are great "rules" though and I agree that they should all be regarded with respect.
11/19/2011
Cherry21 Cherry21
If you're trying to get an actual pain to get rid of emotions, you probably shouldn't do it. Just like you probably shouldn't drink by yourself, especially if you've been depressed!
11/20/2011
switzerland switzerland
we've broken some of these rules. probably the strong emotions and we haven't necessarily discussed everything beforehand. but the trust is there 100% so if one of us isn't into it or doesn't feel right, we do voice our worries. and if anything, the strong emotions, even the negative ones, make for awesome sex. angry sex = passionate sex.
11/24/2011
GoneBabyGone GoneBabyGone
We haven't really broken any of the rules we don't discuss thins every time because we have had long discussions about limits and safewords. I give him my trust and vice versa based on those previous discussions and agreements. For me being in bondage and getting whipped is awesome stress relief. If I've been feeling down or irritable I like to be beaten, it makes me feel better. I don't think I would bind or beat someone when I was feeling like that.
11/26/2011
Love Perpetua Love Perpetua
Great set of rules. I haven't really broken any of them, although we haven't gone over every detail of what we're going to do before we do it. We were together for a long time before we started playing with bondage/blindfolds, nothing really intense, and we had a safe word.
11/28/2011
MissMori MissMori
Great topic! I have accidentally broken a rule or two - turns out, the guy who says he's "experienced" might only be experienced in watching porn! (Don't get me wrong, I've been known to enjoy porn myself . . .) My negative experience could have been avoided by getting to know the guy better beforehand and not realizing he's been lying halfway through a scene!
12/09/2011
biancajames biancajames
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
I can think of plenty of fun times that you certainly should do bondage, but what about those times when you shouldn't? In his book, Jay Wiseman gives us examples of times of when you shouldn't do any bondage:

You Don't Know the ... More
I disagree about pickup play- I've had positive experiences playing with new people, but always in public settings, and I trust my gut. Esp. if other folks can vouch for them.
12/10/2011
allybee allybee
I don't do bondage..
12/10/2011
Total posts: 79
Unique posters: 79