Reviewer's Spotlight - April 2012: BBW Talks Toys

I want to ask, how important do you think sex toys are to a good relationship? (I was one who didn't get into them until years after I started having sex and wish I had sooner.) Also, other than toys, what do you think are some of the things that help a relationship endure?

(I would have asked sooner, but I couldn't find the thread. ARGH!) less

Nickelback is pretty much the most loathed band that has ever hurt my ears. Not a huge fan of Niki (sp) Manaj, like at all... I have a love/hate for a lot of popular music, really. I listen to a lot of it because I spend a lot of time around people who like it, and I listen to it in the car because I only have the radio and no input jack for my media devices, but it's repetitive and overplayed and a lot of it sounds alike. I'll usually end up on the oldies station. less

Nickelback is pretty much the most loathed band that has ever hurt my ears. Not a huge fan of Niki (sp) Manaj, like at all... I have a love/hate for a lot of popular music, really. I listen to a lot of it because I spend a lot of time around people who like it, and I listen to it in the car because I only have the radio and no input jack for my media devices, but it's repetitive and overplayed and a lot of it sounds alike. I'll usually end up on the oldies station. less

The Cheesecake Factory had a tiramisu cheesecake that is disgustingly delectable.

But other than that, I'm good with some plain, ol' cheesecake. I had a slice at a restaurant a couple weeks ago that used shortbread for the crust and that was pretty AWESOME. less

I embarrass myself daily. No, really.

Most recently, a friend posted an invite to go to a movie and I got really excited to go. Turned out that she only posted it because a friend of hers was being thrown a surprise party and she wanted her to think that she wouldn't be going up to her city for her birthday. Granted, no one else knew this either, but I felt pretty dumb. less

I think the importance of sex toys in a relationship is based on the individuals in the relationship. I've met many folks who've tried toys and don't actually enjoy them. Some people enjoy the "purity" of sex without the added thrills and frills of vibrators. I think that as long as the communication is good and there's a willingness to compromise in fulfilling sexual desires, toys are just an added bonus. Here in a toy-centric community, we might say something like, "Well, they just haven't found the right one!" (Some in a tongue-in-cheek tone, some in a very serious tone!) But I really think it's based on the individuals in the relationship as to whether or not toys are important.

There are a lot of important factors to making a relationship work. Communication and compromise are towards the top of my list. A sense of adventure, both sexually and not, is also an important attribute. You've made a commitment to ride the waves of your relationship, so if you were just looking for a leisurely lounge in the pool, it's not going to work because there are waves in every relationship. I think it's important to be forgiving, as well as having the ability to turn a blind eye to things that really aren't important in the grand scheme of things (a kind of, "choose your battles" mentality and the discernment to know which are important battles) (I mean, after 20 years, will it have been worth arguing and damaging the relationship over how quickly the laundry gets folded? Really?).

That said, I think, ultimately it's about remembering that you're equals in the relationship, which is where the communication and compromise comes in. Even if you're in a D/s power exchange, you've both agreed to it, and you both have to agree to continue it. Give your partner the space to evolve and grow as an individual, as well as a partner. If you're trying to conform your partner to your vision of what you want them to be, then that isn't the person you love, it's the potential person you love. If I worded that right... less

Nickelback is pretty much the most loathed band that has ever hurt my ears. Not a huge fan of Niki (sp) Manaj, like at all... I have a love/hate for a lot of popular music, really. I listen to a lot of it because I spend a lot of time around people who like it, and I listen to it in the car because I only have the radio and no input jack for my media devices, but it's repetitive and overplayed and a lot of it sounds alike. I'll usually end up on the oldies station. less

I was really trying to find something that would bring together community members who didn't normally interact together. Movies are transcendent, I think, like music or books. People who normally feel they don't have much in common with one another can find common ground in their tastes of movies, genres, etc.

I also was looking for an activity that didn't center around sexual topics. While there is sex, sexuality, and even kink in some of the movies that we discussed, there were also many levels to approach that didn't orbit the topic.

I was really sad to see the monthly Flicks meetings go, but don't worry, we'll still meet up once in a while and watch a movie together! less