I CANNOT CUM!!!

reinkaos reinkaos
I have received oral many times, and I cannot cum. My wife gets upset because she cannot make me cum, the thing is she is great at it and it feels incredible. I just do not know what to do about it, I am open to anal play or anything that will help. Any advice?
05/14/2012
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Peggi Peggi
I'm very sorry to hear this. This can be more common than you think, and I've actually experienced this previously from your wife's point of view. It was very frustrating and I felt hurt at times, because I felt like I was doing something wrong.

First thing is, if you haven't, reassure your wife that she is not doing anything wrong and that you are loving it! Make sure she knows that there is more going on than just the usual *little stimulation followed by ejaculation* and that it's just not enough.

That I am aware of, this can be cause by things such as stress, hormones, a physical problem or possibly a ton of other things. First thing is to consider your age, diet and any other changes you've made recently to your life. As we grow older, even a difference of 5-10 years can make a difference when it comes to our hormone levels, and diet can also affect our sex lives. Also consider any stress such as a change of job or new kids that maybe could be playing on your mind whether you realize it or not.

Maybe talk about it with her.

Those are just the basic things. As far as what to physically do, we switched positions a lot, which helped. Changing it up can make it feel better and more fun. Have her move from between your legs to next to you leaning down. Alternate if she is willing between penis-to-vagina to oral. Toys might be nice, I can't recommend any prostate/anal toys but I do know that the Tenga Flip Hole Black is great! Also, we liked getting those little Tenga Eggs and cutting a hole in the end so we can use it like a cheap throw-away sleeve.
05/14/2012
Ansley Ansley
I dated a guy who couldn't come from oral. It was just something he had a really hard time doing and I didn't take it personally. If you can't, you can't. I know a lot of women who can't have an orgasm when someone is going down on them. It happens. Just take it in stride and maybe talk about ejaculating in her mouth after intercourse, if that's the part she's missing.
05/14/2012
squire squire
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I dated a guy who couldn't come from oral. It was just something he had a really hard time doing and I didn't take it personally. If you can't, you can't. I know a lot of women who can't have an orgasm when someone is going down ... More
I agree. We are all wired differently, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you enjoy the act of oral, but can't cum then play that up a lot...and last minute switch and finish with intercourse if that works for you. I think this is a common experience for women, not to generalize too much, when it comes to performing oral on a guy. Guys are seen as "easy to get off" and oral is an easy way to see the fruits of their labor. THat being said, we need healthy expectations as there is variation with every person... Less orgasm dependence and more pleasure focus might take the pressure off to where one day you might just make it happen. She could start you, too, and then you finish off by masturbating yourself to orgasm on her chest ect...?
05/14/2012
VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
I know several people who can't come from oral, often it's too "slippery" for them. Some people just need more stimulation, more friction, or the mental stimulation of other things. I've also known guys who've said it's hard for them to come from oral because they are just too anxious about coming in someone's mouth. There's nothing wrong with any of those reasons, or any other reason!

As Squire said so wonderfully, "Less orgasm dependence and more pleasure focus" -- that is so important. The orgasm isn't the end-all-be-all pinnacle of sexual experience.

I'd keep reassuring your partner that you enjoy it despite not coming (if you do! be honest!). If you want to try new things, does she also use her hands at the same time, to stimulate your shaft and balls? Have you tried stimulating/warming/co oling lubes or something like a mint or ice cube? Certainly adding perineum or anal stimulation is another option. But, again, assure her that spicing it up doesn't mean you require an orgasm to enjoy it.
05/14/2012
reinkaos reinkaos
I read that some people (which could be me) cannot cum unless being in control of the situation, anyone else heard of this?
05/15/2012
Entropy Entropy
Up until the age of 22 or so, I was unable to have an orgasm by either oral sex or hand job (my own hand worked fine, but I just could get off with someone else's hand). I don't know what happened, but I just started being able to "submit" to the sensations and just enjoy the moment, and not focusing on the actual climax.
05/15/2012
Jenny Swallows Jenny Swallows
From what I've read (here and elsewhere) it's not that uncommon... And is probably even more widespread than we know. I've known a couple of guys who would never let me finish them in my mouth because "your pussy feels so good, babe" (or words to that effect). But does it really? Or did they just know that it wasn't going to happen unless.... ?
04/13/2013
jr2012 jr2012
make sure she (and equally as importantly - YOU!) is not getting upset about it! If you think about it on the flip side, it's the same as women not easily being able to cum from vaginal penetration....it feels awesome but something else is needed for orgasm. No one in the situation is failing in any way.
04/13/2013
SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
My boyfriends sorta has this issue. It is extremely hard for him to cum from oral. I have never taken personally, nor have I "held" it against him. Each of us is wired differently when it comes to sexual pleasure. Keep exploring different types of stimulation, both with your wife and solo. Also keep in mind that it really isn't that rare of a problem and that the more you (and her) stress out over this it may actually make it harder for you cum.
So in short relax, explore, and keep in mind that oral sex might not be enough stimulation to bring about an orgasm.
04/14/2013
cgartman1989 cgartman1989
have you ever had her just open her mouth and you doing all the work?
04/16/2013
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 10