How to get my man to want it?

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How to get my man to want it?

Bellastorme Bellastorme
I have heard so many wonderful things about the p-spot. I would love to help my man along but he always shuts me down. He thinks it is border line gay. He will let me play with his ass so I don't see the issue. Any advice guys? or gals?
01/19/2010
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ScottA ScottA
"play with his ass" as in outside or is there some inside action going on?

Context is very important. Sometimes it's even interior (in his mind) context - for a brief period anal finger play was completely unsexy to me becasue for some reason I started associating it with medical things.

I can't give much advice other than talk it out, and keep on doing what you both agree to. Unilateral action on your part will definitely result in a bad reaction.

Perhaps you can try massaging the perineal area - the area between the anus and scrotum. There are spots here where you can stimulate the prostate somewhat, although it isn't nearly as direct or good-feeling as direct stimulation.

Peer pressure by people he doesn't know probably won't help, but you can point out all the guys here in happy relationships with woman who enjoy anal play.
01/20/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Bellastorme
I have heard so many wonderful things about the p-spot. I would love to help my man along but he always shuts me down. He thinks it is border line gay. He will let me play with his ass so I don't see the issue. Any advice guys? or gals?
Well you can tell him that guys are supposed to like it! They have an organ that makes this possible...women actually don't. It doesn't make him gay if you're doing it!
01/20/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
You can remind him that turn about is fair play.
01/20/2010
jakjak jakjak
Quote:
Originally posted by Bellastorme
I have heard so many wonderful things about the p-spot. I would love to help my man along but he always shuts me down. He thinks it is border line gay. He will let me play with his ass so I don't see the issue. Any advice guys? or gals?
So here are my two cents...If you want him to try it offer something that he has a fantasy about.

Example: If you have not been tied up and he wants to try that reciprocation should happen.

Start with something small at first then graduate up higher. If you make it all about him he may even buy the next toy.
01/20/2010
Bellastorme Bellastorme
Thank you everyone I got some good advice
01/20/2010
Bellastorme Bellastorme
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
"play with his ass" as in outside or is there some inside action going on?

Context is very important. Sometimes it's even interior (in his mind) context - for a brief period anal finger play was completely unsexy to me becasue ...
He lets me do just a little of both but not much.
01/20/2010
ScottA ScottA
Ask if you can play with his ass while giving him a blowjob. This somewhat violates my "don't try anything unilaterally" comment, but the combination feels great. You can slowly start working a little further in each time until you hit that spot, and then he'll come 'round. Expect to give him several BJs, though.
01/20/2010
Bellastorme Bellastorme
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Ask if you can play with his ass while giving him a blowjob. This somewhat violates my "don't try anything unilaterally" comment, but the combination feels great. You can slowly start working a little further in each time until you hit ...
Thx so much and that I can do
01/20/2010
diver969 diver969
First time I had it one was by my then girlfriend. She and I had watched some porn that had prostate stimulation in it and I was sort of open to the idea. She went down on me and then got me to turn on my stomach. She then massaged and kissed all over my back and ass and eventually got around to rimming me. After a whileshe started to play with a finger and I was so relaxed at that point it just slid in. It was a weird sensation at first but not bad. She then had me roll back over and finished the blowjob while stroking my p-spot. I have been hooked ever since. Just take things very slowly and maybe watch some videos that have that in there. Hope that helps.
02/08/2010
Beneath The Bed Beneath The Bed
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Ask if you can play with his ass while giving him a blowjob. This somewhat violates my "don't try anything unilaterally" comment, but the combination feels great. You can slowly start working a little further in each time until you hit ...
HAHA Thats exactly how she got me!!
02/09/2010
LiftedUp LiftedUp
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Ask if you can play with his ass while giving him a blowjob. This somewhat violates my "don't try anything unilaterally" comment, but the combination feels great. You can slowly start working a little further in each time until you hit ...
My start in anal exploration was quite similar, except she did it during a long, teasing, handjob.

I've never understood how so many men can be so adverse to something, without ever giving it a shot. Unfortunately for many, they immediately dismiss the very thought, because they fear that it makes then "gay." Well, if engaging in some of the most pleasurable activity I can ever experience (with my WIFE) is "gay"... then call me Adam Lambert! Seriously though, having my prostate massaged or stimulated by my wife, or during solo play, has in no way made me attracted to men... it's only given me HUGE amounts of pleasure.

The worst part is, I'm sure if you could just get him to try it... he'd love it, and would come back begging for more!
02/10/2010
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Ugh, I would love if my guy wanted anal play. Mostly because I'd love to peg him. I don't push the subject with him, but sometimes I'll joke around with him about it, just to see if maybe he's changed his mind.
02/10/2010
LiftedUp LiftedUp
Quote:
Originally posted by LikeSunshineDust
Ugh, I would love if my guy wanted anal play. Mostly because I'd love to peg him. I don't push the subject with him, but sometimes I'll joke around with him about it, just to see if maybe he's changed his mind.
Mmmmmmm. Pegging is phenomenal. Not only do you get the prostate stimulation, but the mental and emotional aspect of the role reversal its just intoxicating. Pegging is certainly one of the events that transforms my wife, and sends me into subspace.

Don't give up hope, and try to work slowly toward that goal over time, with small steps. It's often difficult to get someone to take a huge leap from their current comfort zone, but not as difficult to progressively push its boundaries again and again. Good luck!
02/10/2010
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Quote:
Originally posted by LiftedUp
Mmmmmmm. Pegging is phenomenal. Not only do you get the prostate stimulation, but the mental and emotional aspect of the role reversal its just intoxicating. Pegging is certainly one of the events that transforms my wife, and sends me into ...
Thanks for the encouragement. I often feel like just giving up and not even trying.
02/10/2010
LavenderLive LavenderLive
This is something that you need to take very slowly. The concern that men have with receiving anal play and connections with homosexuality can be very strong. This can be something that you work in very slowly over time. Patience is the key with small steps towards the end goal. Try gentle massaging during a blowjob. Gentle finger or oral play is a small step that should get him thinking about how good it can feel. Rimming is another good step. Little by little, you can insert a small finger further and further each time. Remind him how much it turns you on and how much you think that it will feel great for him. It is a new sexual barrier for the two of you to explore. Open communications is very important.
06/06/2010
Research Research
Quote:
Originally posted by LavenderLive
This is something that you need to take very slowly. The concern that men have with receiving anal play and connections with homosexuality can be very strong. This can be something that you work in very slowly over time. Patience is the key with ...
I strongly agree with this. If he has deep seated reservations about activities linked with homosexuality, you'll have to let him sort it out. Too much pressure to change his mind and he may clam up and refuse to discuss it again.
09/25/2010
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by LavenderLive
This is something that you need to take very slowly. The concern that men have with receiving anal play and connections with homosexuality can be very strong. This can be something that you work in very slowly over time. Patience is the key with ...
I'd be careful about rimming, since that brings together anal play as well as putting a mouth somewhere "dirty". He'd also need to be prepared for it physically (shower clean, and do use a barrier just in case).
09/26/2010
Shamu Shamu
Quote:
Originally posted by Bellastorme
I have heard so many wonderful things about the p-spot. I would love to help my man along but he always shuts me down. He thinks it is border line gay. He will let me play with his ass so I don't see the issue. Any advice guys? or gals?
We spend the early years of a male's life more or less trying to make him homophobic. About age 40 we start subjecting him to medical procedures which involve insertion of fingers or medical devices up his ass. My suggestion, start with an enema and let him feel the pressure of the the water massage his prostate. This will also introduce him to having things intrude his ass. Consider it foreplay to love making and observe whether his performance is better, then comment on it. I've never been able to breach this subject with my female partner although I've endured having to deal with prostate cancer. This is a subject men of all ages should regard serious. I was diagnosed at age 49 and chose to keep my prostate intact by using radiational seeding. While digital exams for lumps may indicate problems a PSA blood test starting as early as 40 or earlier - prostate cancer has been found in males after birth, so no age is safe to ignore the possibility. This can open his door to exploration as you can present it as being concerned about his health. I had a biopsy of my prostate one day and was scheduled for a check up exam at the radiation clinic the next. I was subjected to two digital exams, one involving a female oncologist intern and the staff male oncologist. She was kind and gentle which I will always remember while he brutally assaulted my prostate.
09/27/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
I need to be the lone dissenting vote here as well as play Devil's Advocate. If a man wants pegging, more power to him and his partner! However, I know I don't like to be constantly nagged to get into something sexual that I don't want to do, and I don't think a man should be, either.

Some men simply DO NOT enjoy anal penetration. I think that needs to be respected. I also don't believe in the "equilateral play is fair play" thing for all couples. Some couples only play ONE way.

My Man and I have anal sex, it's great. But, he has NO interest in being penetrated by me, and I have absolutely no interest in doing it to him.

I think, Bella, if you man doesn't want it, leave him be for a while. If he were to want it, he'll let you know. Nagging, constantly hinting, never letting it go will only push him farther away. I've gotten rid of lovers who wouldn't let go of some things I simply wasn't interested in doing.

Love and Sex are about Respect and Communication. Even in D/S relationships, even in pegging relationships, even in ANY relationship.

Listen to what your man is saying. IF he says he doesn't want it, the most logical assumption is he doesn't want it. Please, respect his choices.
09/27/2010
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Shamu
We spend the early years of a male's life more or less trying to make him homophobic. About age 40 we start subjecting him to medical procedures which involve insertion of fingers or medical devices up his ass. My suggestion, start with an ...
I'm not sure I agree with the "start with an enema" idea. An enema takes anal stimulation and adds a chunk of unpleasantness (for most people) to it. Slowly bring external finger stimulation into the mix and see what develops.
09/27/2010
Spilock Spilock
Starting with an enema would be a surefire way to end that possibility. I've done anal douching before, strictly for hygienic reasons. It's definitely one of the more unpleasant feelings I've ever had, kind of like when you're at work and unable to leave your post to make a bathroom break.

I would have to side with p'gell on this one. You can lay the facts down for him, as to why other people like it and why he may. But don't force or push it on him, as that would only frustrate him. I personally love the feelings from anal, but I'm never going to push my wife into receiving anal unless she absolutely wants to. We've considered strap-on dp, but that's about it. Know your boundaries as a couple, so that you don't ruin your status as a couple.
11/10/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
I'm not sure I agree with the "start with an enema" idea. An enema takes anal stimulation and adds a chunk of unpleasantness (for most people) to it. Slowly bring external finger stimulation into the mix and see what develops.
Yeah, I agree. Enemas are "Advanced" activities! Many people will start "expelling" matter (shitting like a goose) for hours and anal sex or stim ain't gonna happen then. We've been engaging in anal sex and anal play (on me, My Man doesn't like it for himself) for a while, and I've never used an enema before anal activities. I don't want to be in the bathroom on the toilet for hours, with the cramping etc. I don't think it's a good beginner's activity. JMO.

Gentle finger stimulation, simulated "rimming" (using a well lubricated toy just around the opening) and "just the tip" of larger toys are good learning activities.

BUT, if he doesn't want to do it, leave him alone. I know I don't want to be bothered continually about sex activities I have no interest in doing. It makes the thing sound less fun.
11/10/2010
mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
ive tried to get my hubbie to try it and its just not for him. so i dont bother him about it. maybe one day...never know.
11/10/2010
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by mrs.mckrakn
ive tried to get my hubbie to try it and its just not for him. so i dont bother him about it. maybe one day...never know.
Keep the lines open but don't push too much.
11/10/2010
Brand Brand
Quote:
Originally posted by Bellastorme
I have heard so many wonderful things about the p-spot. I would love to help my man along but he always shuts me down. He thinks it is border line gay. He will let me play with his ass so I don't see the issue. Any advice guys? or gals?
Just point out that its not gay when your doing it and while you do it make sure to give him a slow and steady blowjob. This is how my girl started me up and after the first time its all it took.
11/16/2010
Veronica Monet Veronica Monet
If you approach a man's ass as if it is territory to be explored and conquered, he may very well find his sphincter puckered shut! We all want to know what is in it for us. So what IS in it for him? Only the most mind-blowing internal orgasms of his life. Let him know this is what is available and assure him that you will not only be very gentle but that you will stop as soon as he says so. He needs to know why he would want to do it in the first place and then he needs to know that he will maintain control over how far you insert yourself and when the action will stop. The unknown can be both terrifying and exhilarating. Feelings of being controlled and coerced will induce fear but knowing that one's feelings and preferences will be honored every step of the way can create the courage to experiment.

And be sure to use lots of lube as well as a latex glove to protect the delicate rectum from hangnails or rough skin. Do NOT use toys the first time - just your finger - and NO, don't use two fingers the first time either. Focus on slow, gentle movements and be aware that there is a second sphincter muscle about 1.5 inches inside the rectum which cannot be relaxed voluntarily. Do NOT force your way past this muscle. Instead wait for it to relax on its own and if it doesn't relax, back off and go back to rimming or some other sexual interaction.

Penetrating a man for the first time should be every bit as delicate and respectful as penetrating a woman for the first time. If he is an anal virgin, expect his emotions to be intense and make it safe for him to feel whatever he feels. In this way, you can give him permission to experience more pleasure and more intimacy than ever before.
12/03/2010
Total posts: 27
Unique posters: 17