Motion lotion 12 nights of xxxmas - water based lube by Doc Johnson - review by Menarae

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Do You Want to Feel Like a Mythbuster?

The Motion Lotion Twelve Nights of XXXmas is a gift pack of single-use pillow packs. The edible oil is suitable for massage or as an oral lubricant, but there are better products out there. Only one of the three flavours was any decent, and the texture was pretty basic in terms of edible, glycerine-based oils.
Published:
Pros:
Doesn't dry up
The cherry tasted nice enough
Single-serve packets perfect for travel
Cons:
The vanilla was awful, awful, awful!
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review

Use

The Twelve Nights of XXXmas consists of twelve single-use pillow packs of Motion Lotion, four each of three flavours. Pillow packs are popular for travel, and as gifts or party favours, since they're small and quite sturdy.

The package calls Motion Lotion a lube, but I can't really bring myself to call it that. We used to carry it at work, and I've always sold it as an edible, warming massage lotion. I'm not crazy about the texture. It doesn't really coat the skin or toy, unless you use a lot of it. It tends to bead up more like an oil. Glycerin is also the first ingredient, and if you're prone to yeast infections, keep this one away from the vagina. If you like the taste, then I suppose you could use it for oral. But be aware that it heats up some when you blow on it, not a lot, but everyone's different so it could be irritating. Keep a damp washcloth nearby to get it off in a hurry, just in case.

That being said, I still don't like this product for massage, foreplay or otherwise. When I was rubbing it on the back of my hand, I could hear that faint, almost ripping-like sound of the product starting to get sticky (you know how when you were a kid, and you pressed your syrupy fingers together, then pulled them apart quickly? That sound). I didn't feel the pull on my skin, at least. I'd never use it for a deeper, knot-releasing massage. I don't really like any of the flavours, so I wouldn't use it for foreplay and kiss or lick if off my partner.

So what did I do with my twelve pillow packs of Motion Lotion? I pretended I was a kinky Mythbuster and devised several non-scientific experiments to test the properties of the product and the integrity of a pillow pack. But since you get four of each flavour, you can play around with how you want to use the Twelve Nights of XXXmas packs- For science!

Texture / Consistency / Thickness / Viscosity

The Motion Lotion is a thinner oil. It will run off of your hand if you're not careful. I noticed that while I was rubbing it on the back of my hand, the thin layer of oil would bead up on my skin, almost like it was hydrophobic.

So I emptied a pack of cherry Motion Lotion into a glass of water and gave it a stir. The oil sank right to the bottom of the glass, and the dye dissolved really quickly into the water. But I noticed an oily film at the bottom of the glass that wouldn't mix with the water at all.

After I licked my hand, I didn't notice a film on my skin. It actually seemed a touch softer than before. (Apparently, glycerine has moisturizing properties when used in soap, so maybe that's why? I'm not a chemist, though, so don't quote me on that).
    • Beads
    • Thin

Taste / Aroma

The package comes with strawberry, wild cherry, and vanilla flavoured Motion Lotion.

In terms of aroma, I can cover all three flavours at once. They basically smell the same: generically sweet. The vanilla one slightly less so. But the smell isn't very strong, especially in the opened pillow pack.

I tried the strawberry one first. It's not that bad, considering I didn't have the bar set very high (I tried a banana Motion Lotion once before, and it was gross). It was a fairly generic fake strawberry flavour with a decently-strong chemical after taste. The after taste lessens a bit after you've rubbed it into the skin, but not by much.

Next came the cherry. I was really expecting it to be bad, so I guess I was pleasantly surprised. It had probably the most mild flavour of the three, and also the mildest after taste. It still doesn't taste like a real cherry, but at least it doesn't taste like cough syrup.

The vanilla was by far the worst of the three. I gagged when I tasted it. It tastes nothing like vanilla, and it has the strongest after taste. It was just all-around yucky.

Performance

Overall, the Motion Lotion worked better than I'd expected. I'd thought it would get all sticky and gross right away, but it wasn't that bad. The consistency didn't seem to change much over time, even with that sticking sound. The taste didn't change, either (I was kind of hoping it would, since I've used other edible oils that taste awful straight out of the bottle, and the taste improves after a little rubbing. But on the other hand, I suppose that's a good thing, since the taste doesn't get worse). It cleaned up quickly. A little soap and water, and I couldn't tell that I'd had anything on my hand.

There was one feature I was expecting, but that didn't happen. I'd figured the Motion Lotion would heat up with friction or by blowing on it. But I didn't notice any change in temperature aside from what normally happens with friction or by blowing on wet skin(I know Doc Johnson did release a line of "Hot" Motion Lotion, which was supposed to get warmer than the original. But I've never tried that stuff).

Packaging

The 12 Nights of XXXmas consists of twelve plastic pillow packs of Motion Lotion. The entire thing comes in a clear plastic box with a hanging tag at the top and little tabs that pop in to lock the open ends closed. The pillow packs are cradled in a molded tray of the same plastic. The tray makes a good storage/organization option. There's also a printed sheet that acts as the label, with limited information about the product. It has the ingredients on it in tiny letters, so that's the important part, I guess. An expiration date, or even one of those little open-pot symbols that means "use within x months after opening" would be nice, but I don't recall the bottles of MoLo at work having expiry dates...old product line, immortal ingredients?

Is it discreet? If you can't read, maybe. There are no naked people on it, but if you have any idea of what "XXX" means, you'll have a good idea what Motion Lotion is for. It's certainly more modern packaging that Doc's used on Motion Lotion in the past, which is nice.

Each pillow pack is a sturdy, soft plastic pillow stuffed full to bursting with Motion Lotion. They're difficult to break by squeezing them with your fingers (I've yet to figure out how, but I'm sure there is a way). There are pokey corners involved, so no throwing these at your partner's head. No need to abort sexy fun times for a trip to the hospital over a scratched cornea. Each pack is printed with "Doc Johnson Motion Lotion [FLAVOUR] 4CC" in white writing on one side. The top little arrow head bit twists off, just keep twisting it around and around (it'll go around two or three times before coming off entirely) or you can cut it off. Just open it over the recipient of the massage, a tissue, or a sink, as the Motion Lotion will burst out of the newly-open pillow pack.

Turns out a little Motion Lotion can go a long way. If you don't use the entire pillow pack in one go, you can leave it open. Just store it in a way so it doesn't get squished (you can lay them in the plastic tray from the packaging, as the pillow packs overlap just enough to point the open end up). It won't dry out or get gummy, and even if it turns upside down, it won't drip everywhere unless you put pressure on the sides.

Personal comments

While the Motion Lotion did perform better than I'd expected, it wasn't by much. There are still better performing products for massage (like Shunga's Erotic Massage Oil line) and better-tasting products for oral play (like JO H2O flavoured lubricants). And the vanilla Motion Lotion was just nasty.

What would be nice would be more flavours to play with (like instead of four packs each of three flavours, how about two packs each of six flavours) or more seasonal flavours, since this is supposed to be a holiday gift pack, peppermint, butter cream icing, sugar cookie, pomegranate, gingerbread...could be fun!

And if anyone's curious...I stood on a pillow pack with most of my weight (and I'm not a skinny girl) and all that happened was my heel started to hurt. So go ahead and pack'em in your suitcase, they won't leak all over your stuff. But don't stick them in the microwave. The pillow pack lasted less than a minute. I think the pillow pack just melted until it split open. I didn't hear a pop, and the backside of the pack had actually taken on the pattern of the paper towel it was sitting on. It also got super-hot in that minute.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • Zombirella Zombirella
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Comments
  • Zombirella
    Zombirella  
    Awesome review, I'm sorry this wasn't what you wanted
  • libbyv
    libbyv  
    thank you
  • surreptitious
    surreptitious  
    Oh my gosh, I can't believe that you microwaved the pillow packs. I would totally watch your version of the show.
  • purpleflower1972
    purpleflower1972  
    Great job
  • Menarae
    Menarae  
    @Zombirella - I still had some fun with it, so it's all good!

    @surreptitious - My friend thought I was crazy, too. I was kind of hoping for it to burst or do something interesting, but it didn't. Oh well.
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