I rub my duckie pirate

Discreet massager by Big Teaze Toys

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Yo Ho And A Bottle Of Rum, I Rub My Pirate Duckie But I Still Don't Cum.

This is a toy designed more for appearance than functionality. Everything about the appearance is amazing but it fails terribly in the performance category. I would say this was a toy with excellent potential, however the design was poorly executed.

I also have no regrets whatsoever about making this purchase. I rub My Pirate Ducky still has merit as an instrument of foreplay, and on top of that it has got to be one of the coolest looking vibes I have ever seen. If not the coolest.
Published:
Pros:
Looks awesome
Comes with giftbox
Can be used for forplay
Cons:
Mild, poorly placed vibrations
Loud
Rating by reviewer:
3
extremely useful review

Use

Ahoy there matey!

This seafarer is adorable, although he seems to be using the wrong map. I Rub My Pirate Duckie became hopelessly lost somewhere early on in expedition orgasm.

He may be just a little too big to be used as a clitoral vibrator. You can use his beak for a pinpoint vibration, but your enjoyment would depend entirely upon the intensity of vibration you are looking for. He would however be a good choice if you enjoy surface vibrations, because he is almost perfectly shaped to lay across the exterior of your vagina, creating a very pleasant sensation throughout the entire area. It makes for a great warm up, but probably wont take you all the way.

Or, and this is my personal favorite use... Include a friend in your pirate adventure! Either you or your partner can paint a treasure map onto your body. Your partner can then send this vibrating Pirate captain on a pleasure hunt. Starting somewhere inventive and travelling over and around your erogenous zones, he can eventually be guided to his final destination in your nether region. Making for some excellent piratey foreplay.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Couples
    • Sensory play
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • All over body
    • Clitoris
    • Nipples

Material / Texture

My Pirate ducky is made out of TPR, which is a Phthalates and latex free material that is hypo allergenic. The material itself has a smooth texture, but this Duckie Cap'n is too high class not to have a few nubby buttons, as well as some lumpy frills and cuffs.

The texture would be good for any beginner as there are sizeable areas of the duck (on the tail and head) that are smooth plastic, with lumps and bumps being placed down the front and on the wings of the duck.

There is a noticable smell, no different than that of most real rubber duckies, but it is not strong enough that you would notice without bringing him up for an eye to eye introduction.
    • Rigid
    • Light odor
    • Somewhat porous

Design / Shape / Size

I loved the design of this vibrator. I think it is an amazingly inventive way to diguise a sex toy. And how appropriate, since it is also waterproof! The lumps and bumps provided by the frills, buttons and cuffs of this little guys costume were a really innovative way to add some texture. The fact that the back of the ducks bottom and the top of his head are completely smooth also gives the user the option of a textured or non textured surface.

Unfortunately the size of Pirate Duckie, means that it is difficult to enjoy all that it really has to offer. As far as clitoral stimulation, there really is no area of the duck that I found gave the degree of vibration necessary to bring about an orgasm.

It also seems that there is a hollow area inside the duck which causes the vibration to dissipate and become very rumbly but a little lack lustre.
    • Discreet look/design
    • Whimsical / artistic

Functions / Performance / Controls

This vibe has only two settings, ON and OFF. They are controlled by a SMALL dial on the bottom of the duck right next to the battery compartment. It is very easy to use provided that your fingers are not too slippery. The vibrations are located in the bottom of the duck, which is unfortunate because I think this Pirate could give some great head. It seems all that rum has effected him adversely, causing all of the rumbly to be in his tumbly. As with most drunks, this duckie is rather noisy; but who could fault a pirate for that?

This is a waterproof toy, however as with most waterproof vibes, it becomes a bit louder and you do lose a little of the intensity once it is submerged. The other thing that irks me is that he is unevenly weighted causing him to capsize. Rubber Duckies were meant to float! Perhaps he is so disappointed with his performance that he's decided to just go ahead and drown himself.
    • Not enough variety
    • Weak

Care and Maintenance

Tpr is easily cleaned with warm water and mild soap or an antibacterial toy cleanser. It is a bit porous so you want to make sure you do a thorough job. Unfortunately TPR cannot be disinfected with boiling water.

My Pirate Duckie is very easily stored as it comes with an awesome storage box. The box is designed to resemble a treasure chest, and is padded and liined with a decorative red satin.

Tpr toys can be used with either water or silicone based lubricants. You want to be sure if you are using this in combination with other toys that they are also compatible with your choice of lube.
    • Easy to clean
    • Easy to store

Packaging

I rub my Pirate Duckie comes in a cardboard box, on four sides of which is a pirate flag bearing a duck skull and crossed swords. On the top of the box you will find a picture of your duck displayed in the satin lined, treasure chest, gift box that he comes with. The box indicates that this is a soothing vibrating body massager, with a strong yet quiet motor. It is waterproof, the ducks hat is removable, and that it comes with the giftbox. The back of the box repeats the same information in 3 different languages. It also indicates that this duck takes 1 AAA battery and there are instructions inside. ( If my duck came with them, I never saw them.)

I have to add that I am completely in love with the Giftbox that comes with this Vibrator. I am using the cardboard box to store smaller vibes in.
    • Discreet looking packaging
    • Good for storage
    • Would make a nice gift

Experience

I've rubbed My Pirate in the bedroom
I've rubbed My Pirate in the tub
My bathwater went BZZZZZZZZZ
Instead of GLUB GLUB GLUB
In the bedroom I discovered
That our friendship was a scam
No matter how much lube I mustered up
He was almost always on dry land
Follow-up commentary
It is tough for me to say whether I still like this or not. In all honesty I don't use it for any sort of stimulation (since it does such a poor job of it), it is far more of a novelty item for me. I absolutely love it as such though. I will keep this guy until I roll over and die and my children will be prying it out of my cold dead hands.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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Comments
  • G.L. Morrison
    G.L. Morrison  
    Big Tease Toys has got our number.If it's cute we must haz. It's funny that we can admit the ducks are sloppy ineffective lovers but still must haz.
  • Ms. Spice
    Ms. Spice  
    i love how adorable it is... i prob wouldn't buy it to use a sex toy, but to add to my odd and random collection of rubber duckies. thanks for the review!
  • Sakura Mahal
    Sakura Mahal  
    Very good and funny review!
  • Emma (Girl With Fire)
    Emma (Girl With Fire)  
    Thank you!
  • Shellz31
    Shellz31  
    Lmao - I love your title.
    He is a sexy dude, but not sure he would do it for me either. He would look good in my toy cabinet though.

    Great review
  • Blooddragon
    Blooddragon  
    Nice review!
  • ijako9
    ijako9  
    Funny review liked it
  • MeliPixie
    MeliPixie  
    Love this review, very funny and informative! ^_^
  • jenn g
    jenn g  
    thanks!
  • Kayla&JJ ?
    Kayla&JJ ?  
    Love your title!
    Thanks for the review!~
  • geliebt
    geliebt  
    Great review, and I love the title!! Thanks!
  • tA
    tA  
    I love the poem at the end. Thanks for the review!
  • damnbul12
    damnbul12  
    Thank you for the review.
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