Trying to hard during a rough patch?

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Trying to hard during a rough patch?

Naughty Student Naughty Student
My partner and I are in a no sex period.

He initiates and I'm too tired or I inititiate and he just ate and isn't in the mood.

I even wanted to make things more spontaneous and while he was watching tv I got all dressed up in a dark school girl outfit with heavy black make up and dark red lipstick. I wanted to look naughty and different. I lit some candles, prepared the bedroom....and nothing happenned. I broke his plans for the evening he wasn't into it.

It's like we are not timed at all. When he wants it I don't and vice versa. I'm really tired of being stuck. We talked about it and he thinks we're just trying to hard to make it happen.

So what do you guys think, should I let things go and take their course?

I don't want my sex life to dwindle!
09/08/2010
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Heather Heather
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
My partner and I are in a no sex period.

He initiates and I'm too tired or I inititiate and he just ate and isn't in the mood.

I even wanted to make things more spontaneous and while he was watching tv I got all dressed up in a ...
He could be correct on the trying too hard. You sound frustrated and both my husband and I have been there at times over our 12 years together. Life can just get in the way of a good romp. We do our best to ignore how tired we are or "not in the mood". Like he knows if I'm too tired he'll offer to do all the work or if I'm not in the mood he'll give me a back rub and all works out. If it's him I have a few tricks that work. But sometimes there is just no changing it. If he says no why don't you ask him to watch you masturbate and vise versa? This way you both get what you're looking for and may-be will feel less frustrated. You never know you might actually learn something about each other.
09/08/2010
Alicia Alicia
Maybe you need to start the "foreplay" earlier in the day. Make little comments to each other..if you're not around each other that day try sending quick little text messages or emails to let the other know you're thinking about them. Then when you do see each other try slight caresses and kisses and light the initial spark. Then it might make the two of you more in the mood later on.

You can also have a somewhat scheduled day. Like on your days off from work or something. It doesn't have to (and really shouldn't be) set in stone but it can help you be more in the mood on those days. For us we're off of work on Monday and Tuesdays. At least one of those nights is usually a long sex session. It's not like we say "oh hey it's Monday again" to each other..but we just know that since we're off of work we'll have time and so we will start with little gropes and kisses during the day and by the end of the evening we're both really wanting each other. And having that one or two days a week that is "scheduled" it makes us want more sex during the week too. Because there's no expectations of it. There's no expectation that it has to be really long..that's what our days off are for. It can be a quickie it can be just oral, it can be whatever it is we want it to be and there's no pressure.

I've always found that trying to hard and setting up doesn't work for us. It just leads to one person feeling guilty if they're not in the mood and then the other being resentful. If you want to set up before hand maybe try a bit of seduction before hand to make sure he's in the mood and then say you have to go freshen up first and then go and set up.
09/08/2010
Liz2 Liz2
I think you are just trying too hard..setting up a scene, costume...I would just step back...use your toys and relax. As we know but don't always act on, satisfactory sex can not be forced! Sometimes my b/f when he comes back from a trip; I am so..so..hot and ready and he just gives me a kiss and reads something. Doesn't happen all the time but I guess he has to decompress from his trip. Good thing, he does come around but at the time I fell neglected, rejected, alone and frustrated.
Could also be that you are both under stress and can't get beyond some issues.
Be good to yourself first and go on from there.
All the best..
09/08/2010
Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
Happens sometimes here too. Usually if it has been short-lived.... only a week or two we just let it ride until we get back on track. However, for anything longer than that we will usually just make up our minds to do and stick to it whether we are really in the mood or not, and it always seems like afterwards we tend to get back on track and end up laughing about "why did we wait so long"?
09/08/2010
Liz Liz
We've gone through periods like this in our relationship, too. My suggestion would be to take the pressure off both of you by setting a "date" for sex, whether it's once a week, twice, whatever, until you get through the rough patch. This way, everybody's needs get met, and no one feels the pressure of having to initiate sex and risk the other person saying no. My partner and I did this, and we thought having the sex planned out would make it too boring or routine-- but on the contrary, we both found ourselves looking forward to "date night."
09/08/2010
Gary Gary
Plan a date night!
09/08/2010
Muddog7998 Muddog7998
If you really want to be evil you can "wake" him up in the morning (depending on if he is a morning person or not). Guys are, more times than not, naturally horny in the mornings. So if you wake up earlier than him on the weekends or something, try massaging and lightly scratching up his legs. Try to not wake him up yet though. Play with him for a bit down there and Voila! he will wake up, and so will something else! Give him a playful smile (you can dress up if you wanna go the extra mile) and pin him down. Tease him a bit and just have some fun as he is waking up If he isn't a morning person, then, I don't know... try initiating in the shower with him or something?

Hope this helps!
09/10/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
My partner and I are in a no sex period.

He initiates and I'm too tired or I inititiate and he just ate and isn't in the mood.

I even wanted to make things more spontaneous and while he was watching tv I got all dressed up in a ...
Awww honey this happens to us all. The best thing to do (as long as there isn't anything secretly making you unhappy that you aren't dealing with) is just RELAX. Do something fun and different. Take a walk at night, turn off the tv and talk, play a game, really anything that gets you talking TO each other. Intimacy will lead to sex, again as long as there isn't any repressed anger going on.
09/10/2010
Naughty Student Naughty Student
Thanks for your support everyone.

I have been trying the more foreplay tip by Alicia. We hug more, we're very affectionate and sometimes nauhty very naughty. There isn't any underlying thing that is currently bothering me so nothing is really keeping me from making it happen.

So far we have agreed to let it happen on its own. I am feeling a bit of tension from the waiting. It would be a good idea to set a date night. Plan it so that it is expected and make sure we both have plenty of time to devote to it no matter how long it lasts.

I really appreciate everyones support.
09/11/2010
Harlequin Harlequin
thats a hard one but sometimes that just happens. time will pass and things start to pick up again.
12/09/2010
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 10