Oral tips for a guy with a reluctant wife

I think my number one tip for working with a reluctant woman over all is to go slow. Go slow and be persistent. Warm her up gradually. Let her experience and enjoy each part, moving towards oral or sex. I find women respond better when they have been slowly warmed up if they're a little resistant. Sometimes women need to be seduced I guess. Reply

I get this question all the time - ask her why she doesn't like it. It's the easiest way to choose a course of action.

For instance, if it's the gag reflex that turns her off, buying flavored lubricant isn't going to change a thing as far as her discomfort level. If she's fine on the gag reflex, but doesn't like the jaw discomfort, trying menthol gel isn't going to help that either.

If you can get a "why" out of her, it'll be much easier to find a good solution :) Reply

Would you want to ask her how she'd like to do it orally to you? Reply

i suggest that you talk about it with her at a time when you are close and relaxed but not just about to have sex - pressure is not going to enamour her to the idea of giving oral

it may be she is not sure how to do it - or she may not like the idea of you ejaculating into her mouth - maybe a fear of choking or gagging or just the idea or taste of semen

whatever it is if you can establish why she is reluctant then you can work together to come to some form of compromise

giving oral is very personal - something i adore doing for my Master - and something she needs to want to do for there to be any success or enjoyment for either of you - if she is happy down there you will be too! Reply

I agree with going slow. She may be reluctant because she was taught it was "dirty" and not natural or something like that. If that's the case, you can work on that together.

As a woman who was uncomfortable with recieving oral sex at first also, go slow and be very affectionate and GENTLE. It is extremely sensitive down there and too much attention can actually be painful. Don't touch the clit directly unless she tells you that she likes it...otherwise direct stimulation of the clit is going to be uncomfortable and/or painful. Stimulate the area right around the clit, especially the clitoral hood.

But I feel the most important thing to do is to ask her what she wants and what she likes as you're going along. Silent oral sex is bad! lol. Especially since she's reluctant to the idea. Keep asking her questions about what feels and does not feel good. Ask about pace, speed, does she like circles around the clit or going back and forth over the clit, etc., you get the idea. Keep her talking to you and that will make her feel better. If she knows that you're all about giving her pleasure she'll relax. If she's uncomfortable talking to you can try being affectionate and gentle.

All this should eventually do the trick! Good luck, and I hope you guys have success!

Becky(: Reply

As I always say, communication is key! Talk about it; find out what she doesn't like about it. Maybe it's something that happened in the past (talk about how to trouble shoot). Maybe it's something she's worry about, like her taste, or cleanliness (suggest doing it after a shower, or using flavored lube). Or maybe it's just not going to happen. If you're going to have this conversation, you have to be prepared to take NO for an answer. Reply

I'm a little confused on "who" the oral is going to take place on, you or her? If it's you she doesn't want to do it on, it could be she is afraid she won't be "good" at it or possibly worried about the taste. Get some flavored gel and "talk" to her about trying it. Don't pressure her or demand that she do it. Just take it slow and easy. Now, if it's her that won't let you do it on her, she probably thinks she smells bad. All women have a distinct odor that is "their" odor/scent. I've even heard it said that men could locate their female partner in a dark room just by this scent. While it drives most men crazy, women tend to think it is dirty. Maybe buy some flavored gel to put on her to help her into thinking you will be smelling and tasting the gel instead of her. Plus keep reassuring her that she doesn't smell bad, that you in fact love the smell. Just take it slow and easy and enjoy your time with each other. :) Reply

I agree with Essin' Em. You need to talk to her, and be very sensitive to her feelings and reason for reluctance. My first oral sex experience was with an abusive man, and it really shook me. I was verbally and physically forced to perform on him. Also when he gave me oral sex he always commented that I was disgusting and I didn't orgasm like I was supposed to. It took me a couple years to get past the horrible experiences I endured with him. Six years later with my husband I love oral sex, because performing on him was my choice. He never asked me to do it, I approached him. I used to hate the smell and the taste, and flavored lube didn't help me any. I grew to love performing oral sex on him after seeing how much he loved it and appreciated it. He was pretty relentless with giving oral sex to me though. I had the belief that I was disgusting, that I smelled and tasted bad. It took a couple months of him assuring me I was beautiful and smelled great before I finally allowed him to go down on me. Something that really helped me was seeing my husband smell and taste his fingers after touching me, not to impress anything on me, just because he really did like it. Also reading a book about oral sex together really can put a lot of fears to rest.

Something you must not do is to push it too hard. If she does tell you why and you press her anyway there is a really good chance you can break the trust and make her feel like she just isn't important to you. Instead of pushing oral sex, maybe try something else. If you don't use toys already, suggest looking for some together. Try new positions, or having sex in new places. I found that trying other new things, helped to open my mind and make me more willing to do things I didn't think I would before. Also if she has been forced into doing something in the past, don’t push it at all. It takes a lot of trust to open up to some one about a sexual assault, so keep that in mind.

Talk to her and express why you want oral sex to be in your relationship. Stress that you wouldn’t want her to so something she is uncomfortable with, but encourage her to explain herself to you, not to defend herself, but so you can understand and support her better. Then back off and allow her some time to process what has been said. Wait for her to come to you, as it will show her that she really is very valuable to you.

One little tip (I know, this is already so freakin’ long) suggest oral sex in the shower, that way there can be no fear of anyone smelling bad or being dirty. Just make sure you are both comfy first, and this only works for fellatio, cunnilingus most likely wouldn’t work in a shower. Take a sexy shower together and wash each other, making out in a steamy shower is great foreplay!

Sorry this is so long, just had to get it all in here:) Good luck and hope it all works out great for both of you!
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