So, my Wife is contantly negative about everything. Its getting very annoying after the past 10 years.

So, my Wife is contantly negative about everything. Its getting very annoying after the past 10 years.

adamacc adamacc
adamacc
Related to: 
Like the title says. Just about everyday things that are very insignificant. Its finally really starting to get to me. Input?
01/24/2013
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sktb0007 sktb0007
Quote:
Originally posted by adamacc
Like the title says. Just about everyday things that are very insignificant. Its finally really starting to get to me. Input?
Perhaps you should talk with her about it?
01/24/2013
adamacc adamacc
Quote:
Originally posted by sktb0007
Perhaps you should talk with her about it?
She knows, that she is negative about everyday things. We have talked about it. We have even seen the family doctor and a therapist about it before.
01/24/2013
sktb0007 sktb0007
Quote:
Originally posted by adamacc
She knows, that she is negative about everyday things. We have talked about it. We have even seen the family doctor and a therapist about it before.
What about a couples councillor? That could possibly help.
01/24/2013
adamacc adamacc
Quote:
Originally posted by sktb0007
What about a couples councillor? That could possibly help.
Thats what we tried the first time. Which was... 6 years ago... I think. Recently went to the family doctor. Which he is pretty much a therapist for her. Helped, but still pretty much the same.
01/24/2013
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Does she want to change at all? Nothing's going to stick unless she wants it to. (I speak from experience.)
01/24/2013
adamacc adamacc
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Does she want to change at all? Nothing's going to stick unless she wants it to. (I speak from experience.)
I believe she does. Just that she doesn't know how. Its her outlook on situations that is the problem. Its usually the worst case scenario.
01/24/2013
kdlt kdlt
Change usually takes continuous work and perseverance. Can I ask why the two of you are no longer seeing a counselor/therapist? Did your wife become more positive for a while??
01/24/2013
adamacc adamacc
Quote:
Originally posted by kdlt
Change usually takes continuous work and perseverance. Can I ask why the two of you are no longer seeing a counselor/therapist? Did your wife become more positive for a while??
Well thats a good question. We were seeing the therapist the last 6 months I was in the military. My wife moved home after we sold the house, I still had 6 months left. So obviously I had to stay. About 6 months after I moved home, things were good, but not after a pretty good argument. Things have been good again for a long time now. But this past year it has been pretty bad again. So then we went to the family doctor. My wife has anxiety attacks, probably once maybe twice a month, because of this. Its has been better lately, the past 3 months. But now its flaring up again.
01/24/2013
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by adamacc
I believe she does. Just that she doesn't know how. Its her outlook on situations that is the problem. Its usually the worst case scenario.
Ah, the innate pessimism - "Prepare for the worst so you won't be surprised when it happens." It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy that way. It's a very exhausting way to live, especially with all the negative "tapes" looping through the mind and continually going on and on about how nothing ever goes right. Found that sort of thinking was tied a lot into my lack of self-esteem and confidence.

I can't vouch for it for everyone, but self-affirmations and yoga helped me tremendously. I also did confidence building exercises (learning from setbacks instead of wallowing in what went wrong) which helped me in recognizing that I do have control over situations and how I react to them. I'm not super positive pollyanna, but I'm slightly more balanced and more realistic when assessing situations in life.

I hope some of this helps in finding a direction to start in.
01/24/2013
adamacc adamacc
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Ah, the innate pessimism - "Prepare for the worst so you won't be surprised when it happens." It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy that way. It's a very exhausting way to live, especially with all the negative "tapes" ...
That is a great reply!!! I have tried to give just some small ideas, like yoga, to try to help her. If you have any other ideas on what might help, please let me know. I think, like you said, realizing she does have control over the situations would definitely help. I know it is something she has to do on her own. Its just kind of hard to tell her this, when she has this type of problem. Even though I have told her before. I guess I will figure out a way to tell her, without telling her.
01/24/2013
Big&Bald Big&Bald
Communication is key with ladies.
01/24/2013
Chelynn67 Chelynn67
Quote:
Originally posted by adamacc
Like the title says. Just about everyday things that are very insignificant. Its finally really starting to get to me. Input?
I understand, I can't believe how people want to waste so much time on stuff that doesn't matter??? I'm clueless
01/24/2013
spiced spiced
Quote:
Originally posted by adamacc
That is a great reply!!! I have tried to give just some small ideas, like yoga, to try to help her. If you have any other ideas on what might help, please let me know. I think, like you said, realizing she does have control over the situations would ...
I recommend cognitive/behavioral therapy. It's a very practical, down-to-earth set of techniques for overcoming problems like anxiety and depression. Here's some background and examples: link

I used to be very negative and, as a result, I suffered with depression and anxiety. Through cognitive/behavioral therapy, I learned that my negativity came mainly from my "internal dialogue", those involuntary thoughts that most of us are barely aware of. By learning how to recognize and challenge my automatic negative thoughts and reactions, I've learned to be a positive, happy and calm person.

I hope this will be of some help and I wish the best for both of you.
01/24/2013
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 7