“We can fuck, but don't ask me to do you doggie style. Chicks ask me to bend them over and I don't get it. I don't do it so don't try to convince me,” he said drunkenly, since almost all of our trysts were alcohol fueled.
Not once did he bend me over. Nor did I try to convince him. Maybe it was because I was too drunk to think about it, but even though our “relationship” pretty much lacked self-respect and dignity (hello sex hair and smudged eyeliner at McDonald’s in the middle of the day), I did respect that request. Thinking about it now, I am almost obsessed with why he didn't want to give it to me from behind. Not because I really wanted him to or that I’m hung up on him, but because I can't stop thinking about what shapes people’s sexual limitations and desires.
Why do we like the things we like and stand with an absolute “No” on other sexual actions? What makes one sex act perfectly delicious for some, but deviant for others? Our environment, how we were raised, the people we know, being keen on what our friends are doing, who our sexual partners are or simply doing what feels good; are these things that affect our sexual preference? I want to think it might be a combination of all of the above. I find it fascinating to ponder the path we take as individuals to get to our current sexual playlist and the trials and errors that happened along the way.
Speaking from experience, I like things today that I would have dumped your ass for even asking about in the past. I didn't purchase my first sex toy until I was 23. I hadn't even been in a sex shop or really knew what they sold until then either. A lot of the guys I had as partners were mostly plain in the bedroom. Get in and get out, with an obvious lack of techniques, variety and spice. So for me, my partners played a huge role in what was added to my bedroom resume. I wasn't offered creativity, so my mind didn't focus on it; I only really thought about sex during sex. I feel who we choose to be with and the types of relationships we participate in have a definite impact on the kind of sex we enjoy.
Thankfully, I'm not so “June Cleaver” anymore about what happens when the lights go out (although, I like to fantasize that she might have been a “Lady in the streets and a freak in the bed” kinda gal). Personal growth and reevaluations have helped me discover great new ideas about how I feel about sex and what it should or shouldn't be for myself. I have that found if I question my feelings about certain erotic activities; I open myself up to new pleasures. Why have I set these limitations? Can they pushed or are they solid? What makes me decide these things?
More than anything though, I feel it's my partner today that has helped me open up to my own sexual exploration. My husband and I share a mutual appreciation for the “try anything once” mentality and it has given us great benefits in the sack. Anyone who has ever been in a long term committed relationship could probably tell you how easily sexual endeavors can become stale and automatic. And sometimes that does happen for us, but we have a game changer. We are comfortable and open sexually to each other, so we get a lot of satisfaction from trying out new things, making an effort to change that monotony.
Overall, I think our sex life is a journey. It's probably safe to say that for most of us, the sex we have as adults is not the same as it was the first couple of times we tried it. We do different things, have been with different partners and have been exposed to more information about sex. Our horizons have expanded. We have learned more about sex and our bodies since that first awkward encounter, so why do we have to stop learning now? Why close ourselves off to the possibility of something new that feels so damn good? There's always something new out there to be experienced, and I don't think that our sex lives should be excluded from the opportunity. Expanding our base of pleasurable acts can only be good for our sexual well-being. Who cares what society says might be taboo or freaky; Your sex life is your own, so form your own opinions and own them. Explore. I think everyone should reopen their minds and enroll into the school of sexual learning. You never know what you might be missing until you do it.
Not once did he bend me over. Nor did I try to convince him. Maybe it was because I was too drunk to think about it, but even though our “relationship” pretty much lacked self-respect and dignity (hello sex hair and smudged eyeliner at McDonald’s in the middle of the day), I did respect that request. Thinking about it now, I am almost obsessed with why he didn't want to give it to me from behind. Not because I really wanted him to or that I’m hung up on him, but because I can't stop thinking about what shapes people’s sexual limitations and desires.
Why do we like the things we like and stand with an absolute “No” on other sexual actions? What makes one sex act perfectly delicious for some, but deviant for others? Our environment, how we were raised, the people we know, being keen on what our friends are doing, who our sexual partners are or simply doing what feels good; are these things that affect our sexual preference? I want to think it might be a combination of all of the above. I find it fascinating to ponder the path we take as individuals to get to our current sexual playlist and the trials and errors that happened along the way.
Speaking from experience, I like things today that I would have dumped your ass for even asking about in the past. I didn't purchase my first sex toy until I was 23. I hadn't even been in a sex shop or really knew what they sold until then either. A lot of the guys I had as partners were mostly plain in the bedroom. Get in and get out, with an obvious lack of techniques, variety and spice. So for me, my partners played a huge role in what was added to my bedroom resume. I wasn't offered creativity, so my mind didn't focus on it; I only really thought about sex during sex. I feel who we choose to be with and the types of relationships we participate in have a definite impact on the kind of sex we enjoy.
Thankfully, I'm not so “June Cleaver” anymore about what happens when the lights go out (although, I like to fantasize that she might have been a “Lady in the streets and a freak in the bed” kinda gal). Personal growth and reevaluations have helped me discover great new ideas about how I feel about sex and what it should or shouldn't be for myself. I have that found if I question my feelings about certain erotic activities; I open myself up to new pleasures. Why have I set these limitations? Can they pushed or are they solid? What makes me decide these things?
More than anything though, I feel it's my partner today that has helped me open up to my own sexual exploration. My husband and I share a mutual appreciation for the “try anything once” mentality and it has given us great benefits in the sack. Anyone who has ever been in a long term committed relationship could probably tell you how easily sexual endeavors can become stale and automatic. And sometimes that does happen for us, but we have a game changer. We are comfortable and open sexually to each other, so we get a lot of satisfaction from trying out new things, making an effort to change that monotony.
Overall, I think our sex life is a journey. It's probably safe to say that for most of us, the sex we have as adults is not the same as it was the first couple of times we tried it. We do different things, have been with different partners and have been exposed to more information about sex. Our horizons have expanded. We have learned more about sex and our bodies since that first awkward encounter, so why do we have to stop learning now? Why close ourselves off to the possibility of something new that feels so damn good? There's always something new out there to be experienced, and I don't think that our sex lives should be excluded from the opportunity. Expanding our base of pleasurable acts can only be good for our sexual well-being. Who cares what society says might be taboo or freaky; Your sex life is your own, so form your own opinions and own them. Explore. I think everyone should reopen their minds and enroll into the school of sexual learning. You never know what you might be missing until you do it.
Great article--very thought provoking! Thanks for giving me food for thought today, I am already wondering what answers I will come up with on my own boundaries and permissions.