"I love butch women because no one else would ever have reached into that flannel-clad bundle of inarticulate erotic yearning with a mirror that reflected a sex goddess... I felt my sexual effect for the first time, and grew and grew like Alice in Wonderland drinking her magic potion."
A few weeks ago, I went out for coffee with my butch friend. After a while, the conversation turned to sex, and she asked me if I liked toys. When I said yes, she snickered and replied that "if your girlfriend was good enough in bed, you wouldn't want them." Then, she said that she never uses them for that reason. She thinks she's good enough, and would be offended if a woman requested something extra. According to her, a real lesbian wouldn't want to use a strap-on, unless her lover was bad in bed.
I decided that even if my relationship ended, I'd never sleep with her.
I like toys because they feel good. It has nothing to do with whether my partner is good enough. I love fingering, eating out, and all the wonderful things that two women can do together. However, in order for me to be satisfied, I need a good pounding with a dildo every once in a while. Whether it's strapped to her groin or held in her hand, it's something that we both enjoy in our sex life.
On a related note, I've heard lesbians say that they don't understand strap-on sex because it's the same thing as having sex with a man, and women who want that should go get "the real thing." Of course, it's not the same. That statement is as ridiculous as saying that a man going down on a woman, is the same as a woman going down on a woman. Liking sex toys doesn't mean that I'm not a full-on homo, nor does it mean that my girlfriend can't satisfy me. These misconceptions are keeping many lesbians from having better sex lives.
Some people don't like toys, and that's okay. Some people do, and those people shouldn't be shamed for it. The stigma surrounding sex toys can make some women afraid to ask for what they want, which leads to mediocre sex. It also prevents people from trying new things, and ignores the fact that some women see their cock as a part of them. For those women, strap on sex is "the real thing," and for all lesbians who enjoy it, it's definitely not a substitute for hetero intercourse. It's a new world on it's own.
My girlfriend isn't trans (obviously, or she'd be my boyfriend), but as a butch woman, she sees her cock as an extension of herself. I do, too. I don't want her to put on a strap on because she isn't good in bed. In fact, it's the opposite. If she wasn't good in bed, I wouldn't want her to put on a strap on. Even when she isn't using her cock, we still like using other toys sometimes. Vibrators are fun, and so are dildos that wouldn't work with a harness. Other times, we don't use toys. We use our bodies to bring each other pleasure. It depends on what we feel like doing that day.
If you're intimidated by your girlfriend's love for sex toys, know that it has nothing to do with your ability as a lover. In fact, it's a good thing that she shared this with you. It means that she trusts you enough to open up about what she wants, and she's passionate enough about your sex life to try new things. Let me repeat that: she wants to experiment with sex toys because she thinks it would be fun, not because she thinks you're horrible in bed. She probably thinks you're great in bed, and would be even more turned on if you were willing to try something new. If it's something you're comfortable with, then try it out.
Life is too short to worry about social stigma, especially when it comes to what two people do in private.
I decided that even if my relationship ended, I'd never sleep with her.
I like toys because they feel good. It has nothing to do with whether my partner is good enough. I love fingering, eating out, and all the wonderful things that two women can do together. However, in order for me to be satisfied, I need a good pounding with a dildo every once in a while. Whether it's strapped to her groin or held in her hand, it's something that we both enjoy in our sex life.
On a related note, I've heard lesbians say that they don't understand strap-on sex because it's the same thing as having sex with a man, and women who want that should go get "the real thing." Of course, it's not the same. That statement is as ridiculous as saying that a man going down on a woman, is the same as a woman going down on a woman. Liking sex toys doesn't mean that I'm not a full-on homo, nor does it mean that my girlfriend can't satisfy me. These misconceptions are keeping many lesbians from having better sex lives.
Some people don't like toys, and that's okay. Some people do, and those people shouldn't be shamed for it. The stigma surrounding sex toys can make some women afraid to ask for what they want, which leads to mediocre sex. It also prevents people from trying new things, and ignores the fact that some women see their cock as a part of them. For those women, strap on sex is "the real thing," and for all lesbians who enjoy it, it's definitely not a substitute for hetero intercourse. It's a new world on it's own.
My girlfriend isn't trans (obviously, or she'd be my boyfriend), but as a butch woman, she sees her cock as an extension of herself. I do, too. I don't want her to put on a strap on because she isn't good in bed. In fact, it's the opposite. If she wasn't good in bed, I wouldn't want her to put on a strap on. Even when she isn't using her cock, we still like using other toys sometimes. Vibrators are fun, and so are dildos that wouldn't work with a harness. Other times, we don't use toys. We use our bodies to bring each other pleasure. It depends on what we feel like doing that day.
If you're intimidated by your girlfriend's love for sex toys, know that it has nothing to do with your ability as a lover. In fact, it's a good thing that she shared this with you. It means that she trusts you enough to open up about what she wants, and she's passionate enough about your sex life to try new things. Let me repeat that: she wants to experiment with sex toys because she thinks it would be fun, not because she thinks you're horrible in bed. She probably thinks you're great in bed, and would be even more turned on if you were willing to try something new. If it's something you're comfortable with, then try it out.
Life is too short to worry about social stigma, especially when it comes to what two people do in private.
Fantastic article!
I'm a lesbian, and my wife is transgender and a lesbian as well. We have plenty of sex without toys - it's what fingers, and a lovely tongue are for - excuse my brashness. However! We LOVE toys. L-o-v-e. Love with a capitol L. It isn't about her, or I, not being good enough. I can't tell you how wonderful she is, and she's told me how wonderful I am, and since we've been together ten years... I believe her. We use toys because they're extra fun. They're exciting. They are erotic and playful and oh, trying a new one? That's a favorite hobby right there. We're both girly-girls and hell, even I use a strap-on, on her because it's FUN. I can't imagine NOT playing with sex toys. I Love this article, with a capitol L.
I completely agree with the article and DaS13. My fiance and I don't use toys because we aren't good in bed, we are both great, toys are a love we have. I mean love, trying new toys is our hobby and we can't wait when we have a package in the mail. We may not use them all the time, but using toys doesn't make either of us any less of a homo.