Before I had ever dated or even been interested in dating, I was told "Nice guys finished last." I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause me to act differently towards "chicks" as I called them then. I was in my mid-teenage years. My treatment of women went from perfectly decent to grudging. I didn't want to be a nice guy and finish last anymore. Who wants that? So for the next two years I would find myself being crude, rude, and rough with women because I thought I wouldn't be a nice guy anymore and therefore not finish last. It seemed perfectly legitimate at the time. It doesn't take a sociologist or psychologist to predict that this was one of the biggest mistakes of my teen years.
As I am prone to doing, when asked "Why aren't you as nice anymore?" I would reply "I was nice once?" I managed to fool myself into thinking that I was actually this creep who thought that I had to treat women badly to get their attention. I didn't think anything of it at the time. The jocks were always able to pick up a chick, even if only to watch him play whatever sport he was in. Full of resentment, I doubled my promise to myself to not finish last. As if that wasn't bad enough of me, I refused to gain wisdom from my parents or other mentors. I felt trapped because it was a personal issue. That's a different story for a different time though.
Now in my greater wisdom, though I am truly not that much older (but legal to be on this site, I assure you), I cringe and even become angry whenever I hear the phrase "Nice Guys Finish Last." Humor is my strong suit, so I'll explore some ways to help a youth who has been told this lie. Remember, society has fancy rules of who we can and can't talk to without looking funny so remember the code of conduct. Onward to the list:
* "I talked to MythBusters and they said that nice guys finish in different places." Now MythBusters hasn't actually done this I don't think, but it's encouraging and a more modern way to get the point across.
* "Actually, 'nice' is an ambiguous term, just be you and keep your eyes open. You'll find someone." This is a pretty good line. To add humor, try:
* "You know, people who tell you that crap are usually trying to weed out the competition. He must think you're a sucker."
And so on. I have more colorful examples, but the PR section on my end is telling me to wait until I've done more articles. Kidding aside, use your discretion and try to be encouraging. This myth is a load of crap and needs to be stopped!
Instead of spreading this disinformation, and for those combating it, we should be telling young men something else. That is, how to be brave enough to talk to someone and that it will freak you out at first. Heck, even now I get a bit of a nervous feeling asking someone out! Again, encouragement is good. Showing that going for it sometimes fails but is better than just being aggressive is important as well. We should be realistic as a culture, though with how societal rules stick around this will be difficult.
It is better to be "aggressive" in how much you want a woman (or whomever) than aggressive in the literal sense. Now, as a guy gets older and meets different women, this rule changes. That's to be expected. The only things in the world that I see staying the same are kittens are cute and teddy bears are huggable. My point is, using this as a rule of thumb for young men in their teen years is a better starting point for them to learn off of than "Nice Guys Finish Last."
In closing, I'd like to say thank you for reading, have a wonderful day, and enjoy life. My attitude towards women changed drastically once I figured out this phrase is in fact a myth. Let's not let anyone else go unaided in figuring this out!
I'm aware that everyone may not agree with me. That's fine! Drop a comment below and tell me why; I love hearing feedback. If you think this needs to be spread to the far corners of the web, use those fancy social thingies to do that. If we truly want to dispel myths like these, we need action!
As I am prone to doing, when asked "Why aren't you as nice anymore?" I would reply "I was nice once?" I managed to fool myself into thinking that I was actually this creep who thought that I had to treat women badly to get their attention. I didn't think anything of it at the time. The jocks were always able to pick up a chick, even if only to watch him play whatever sport he was in. Full of resentment, I doubled my promise to myself to not finish last. As if that wasn't bad enough of me, I refused to gain wisdom from my parents or other mentors. I felt trapped because it was a personal issue. That's a different story for a different time though.
Now in my greater wisdom, though I am truly not that much older (but legal to be on this site, I assure you), I cringe and even become angry whenever I hear the phrase "Nice Guys Finish Last." Humor is my strong suit, so I'll explore some ways to help a youth who has been told this lie. Remember, society has fancy rules of who we can and can't talk to without looking funny so remember the code of conduct. Onward to the list:
* "I talked to MythBusters and they said that nice guys finish in different places." Now MythBusters hasn't actually done this I don't think, but it's encouraging and a more modern way to get the point across.
* "Actually, 'nice' is an ambiguous term, just be you and keep your eyes open. You'll find someone." This is a pretty good line. To add humor, try:
* "You know, people who tell you that crap are usually trying to weed out the competition. He must think you're a sucker."
And so on. I have more colorful examples, but the PR section on my end is telling me to wait until I've done more articles. Kidding aside, use your discretion and try to be encouraging. This myth is a load of crap and needs to be stopped!
Instead of spreading this disinformation, and for those combating it, we should be telling young men something else. That is, how to be brave enough to talk to someone and that it will freak you out at first. Heck, even now I get a bit of a nervous feeling asking someone out! Again, encouragement is good. Showing that going for it sometimes fails but is better than just being aggressive is important as well. We should be realistic as a culture, though with how societal rules stick around this will be difficult.
It is better to be "aggressive" in how much you want a woman (or whomever) than aggressive in the literal sense. Now, as a guy gets older and meets different women, this rule changes. That's to be expected. The only things in the world that I see staying the same are kittens are cute and teddy bears are huggable. My point is, using this as a rule of thumb for young men in their teen years is a better starting point for them to learn off of than "Nice Guys Finish Last."
In closing, I'd like to say thank you for reading, have a wonderful day, and enjoy life. My attitude towards women changed drastically once I figured out this phrase is in fact a myth. Let's not let anyone else go unaided in figuring this out!
I'm aware that everyone may not agree with me. That's fine! Drop a comment below and tell me why; I love hearing feedback. If you think this needs to be spread to the far corners of the web, use those fancy social thingies to do that. If we truly want to dispel myths like these, we need action!
Hmm...I think "nice" is ambiguous. I want a man to treat me with respect, but I want a man with a spine, too. And there's a lot more to a man that makes him interesting than just being "nice." I think a lot of women are attracted to bad boys because they are intriguing. They play by their own rules, they do what they want, etc. Not that they're disrespectful to women or treat her with disdain. We actually don't want that. We don't just want cuddly teddy bear men a lot of the times, either, because that's boring. And we want to be pursued, which takes a certain degree of aggression. Passion is aggressive, not passive, and we want a man to be passionate about us. I think the assumption that women want either good or bad, black or white, this or that, is really overly simplistic, and that's where the misunderstanding lies.
But in general, the "nice guys finish last" saying is something you see applied outside of romance and relationships, and it basically suggests (also simplistically, I think) that you have to be cutthroat all the time in order to get what you want, that niceness gets taken advantage of, and so the nice guys always are the last to get what they want and they never win. I think that too is a matter of perspective. If you want to lie, cheat and steal in the business world or in politics, you can go a long way. A good conman is good at what he does and making the successful con, because he is not a nice guy. However, if you value your conscience and you value the things you gain from not being a conman who has left pain and destruction in his wake, then you'll get that reputation and the respect that such a reputations deserves. If there's confidence in your niceness, if there is sincerity, and there's something more behind it than "I'm trying to pick up chicks" or "I'm trying to prove how awesome I am," then that will become apparent...and women like confidence and a man who knows what he wants.
That's my take, anyway.
Loved this! What a great article and I really admire your attitude. I totally agree with you -- not true that nice guys finish last. Ahem, let us just take a good look at my partner, Mr. nice guy! Lol. Really, this was one of the very few articles I enjoy reading! Great advice and humor too, I'm so sharing this on FB!
My husband is what you would consider a "nice" guy and believe me he has never been "last" in my books
Mr is very nice...and to get season with it...it makes Mrs very naughty.
But seriously...treating your mate/date well is always a good thing.
Thanks!