The New Intimacy

Desensitized to sex?

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Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Lately, my gf has told me that I just haven't been able to get off like I used to several months ago. And I'm wondering if maybe the last few weeks, since I've been spending a lot of time on this site if I've kind of desensitized myself a little too much to it? Is that even possible?

I have tried to just breathe and feel the moment and that's helped a bit, but otherwise, it hasn't been the same. It's getting very frustrating for her and she's starting to think that I don't like having sex with her anymore. :-/ I'm not sure how to really make her feel certain that it has nothing to do with her.
09/17/2011
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Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
It depends on the person, but a lot of us have been on this site a long time and have not ever been "desensitized" to sex.

In fact, for us, talking about and reading about sex makes us want it even more.

I would look into other reasons why your drive has flagged. Also, we find that porn and new toys and new ideas about how to have sex always perk up our interest.

I hope things get better for you. Relationships always have ups and downs, you may just be in a slump.
09/17/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
It depends on the person, but a lot of us have been on this site a long time and have not ever been "desensitized" to sex.

In fact, for us, talking about and reading about sex makes us want it even more.

I would look into ... more
I'm thinking I might be in a slump. I've never actually had a relationship with someone that wasn't just about sex, and this one isn't. It's the healthiest one I've ever had.

This has definitely made me want it more, just looking at the toys, and thinking about the fun things that I could do with them/could be done to be with them.

She and I don't live together, and our work schedules kind of grate each other. I'm honestly thinking it's lack of communication on my end. When I'm in the mood, I automatically assume she's not (because her sex drive is way lower than mine) and am too subtle with trying to create a mood and then we just end up doing other things or falling asleep.
09/17/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
I'm thinking I might be in a slump. I've never actually had a relationship with someone that wasn't just about sex, and this one isn't. It's the healthiest one I've ever had.

This has definitely made me want it more, ... more
Ah yes, trying to be subtle and a gentleman. I'm all for being a gentleman, but my man and I have instated a rule - if one of us wants sex we just come out and say it, no beating around the bush. I know, it's not romantic or anything, but damn if it doesn't work like a charm! If I'm not in the mood at that moment, I'll say - ok, I am not in the mood at this exact moment, but I will start transitioning so I can get that way. There is something extremely liberating about just stating your needs and having your partner fill them.

I do think P'Gell is right, you're probably just in a slump right now, and that is totally normal and happens in every relationship. I wish you all the best!
09/17/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Ah yes, trying to be subtle and a gentleman. I'm all for being a gentleman, but my man and I have instated a rule - if one of us wants sex we just come out and say it, no beating around the bush. I know, it's not romantic or anything, but ... more
Thanks! Yeah, I'm sure it will get better. We got into a bit of an argument about it last night, and I could tell she felt like it was her fault like she wasn't doing a good job.

She did always say that being blunt about when I want it isn't something she's into and will kill the mood, but saying something more like "I'm in the mood" or just starting to play around would be a better signifier(sp?) for her.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Illumin8 Illumin8
I agree that it may just be a temporary thing. I wouldn't worry about it too much, otherwise it may easily become something you spend too much time thinking about and become something more than just temporary.
09/17/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
Lately, my gf has told me that I just haven't been able to get off like I used to several months ago. And I'm wondering if maybe the last few weeks, since I've been spending a lot of time on this site if I've kind of desensitized ... more
Perhaps you could invite her to join the forum as well and you can explore it together! My husband and I spend a lot of time apart because of travel for work. We find looking on here together and at the toys and "sexting" about things we want to try revs the engines for us! Something to consider and good luck! You'll find your groove again!
09/17/2011
Contributor: Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
Good luck, and I hope you work through it. Hopefully she doesn't think you spend too much time here.
09/17/2011