"I love power. But it is as an artist that I love it. I love it as a musician loves his violin, to draw out its sounds and chords and harmonies."
— Napoleon Bonaparte
Well, what about "No?"
"No" isn’t a great safe word. It’s too easy to assume that you are roleplaying. My dom can tell when I am playing and when I am not okay, but we don’t rely on it as our safe word. Sometimes, a sub can be pushed into panic at which point using their safe word isn’t in their minds. A dom needs to watch for this, but in the end, a dom should watch more for the panic rather than listening for the word "No."
Some submissives will select a safe word for themselves and use it for whatever dominant they play with. They will select a word that is comfortable for them. Sometimes it is something funny. That is what I selected. I am more likely to safe word out of a scene due to emotional reasons rather than pain. The safe word that I selected was one that reminded me of a joke that always makes me laugh.
An alternative is that a dominant will also select a word that they give to their bottoms. This word is one that they will have that all of their submissives are expected to use. I know a dom that requires all of their subs use a specific word in a foreign language with the proper accent. It is an easy to pronounce word, but one that isn’t used in regular types of conversation within a scene.
The other option is that a couple will select a safe word to use only for them. Often, it is a word or phrase that means something to the people involved. This is how we selected our safe word. We picked something that was an inside joke to us. This safe word is for both of us. We both hold it in case our scenes become too much for either of us. Our scenes are extremely intense emotionally and we both need the option of safe wording out.
Some folks will give their rights to a safe word up to their dominant. This is most often in a Master/slave dynamic, but it also exists in other dynamics. Giving up your safe word should never be something you are pressured to do. It’s something that shows deep trust on the part of a submissive and should only happen when it feels right. I am not talking about that new “OH MY GOD I AM SO IN LOVE” feeling you have in the first few months of a relationship. It is something that needs to be given careful consideration. Keep your head on straight, okay?
Your safe word is yours...Do what you feel is right with it. Have one for the two of you, or have one that is yours alone, but please, have one. "No" is a safe word, but it is the worst safe word you can pick. There isn’t a type of play or a level that you need to worry about a safe word with. You can just as easily need to safe word out of play due to an emotional issue as a physical one. In fact, it’s more likely because the dominant you are playing with can’t see inside your head.
Well said.