I never had the sex talk with my parents.
And you know what? I’m okay with that. I definitely don’t feel like I missed out on any necessary coming of age rite of passage, or that I am worse off now. I’m also sure that my parents aren’t losing any sleep over the hour of awkwardness that I robbed from their child rearing experience. Actually, if anything, I think that it was for the best.
See, part of the reason that my parents and I never had “the talk” is because I just never had any questions that I couldn’t find answers to for myself. I was fortunate to attend a public junior high and high school with a quality Sex Ed program. The teacher’s I had were always willing to answer any questions or stay after class to discuss anything with us that we didn’t feel comfortable speaking about in a room filled with our peers. (I also got to see Magic Johnson dressed up as a condom, but that was just a bonus). On top of that, I also had the luxury of growing up in an age when any information could be accessed via the internet and a few keystrokes.
I’ll be the first to admit that the internet is not always the best place to look up information about sex. For every true and reasonable statement about sex found through Google, there are two or three false statements to accompany it. It is definitely a bit overwhelming for a middle schooler who is just trying to satisfy a nagging curiosity. But the benefit to this wealth of information is that it teaches you to be a bit more skeptical about what you hear, and not just with things regarding sex either. With so much information available that insists on contradicting itself, it just feeds your curiosity and makes you search harder for reputable sources. This acquired skill has proven to be beneficial to my academic pursuits and I definitely feel better equipped to handle a world that is filled with scam artists waiting to rob you blind at every turn.
If anything, I feel better informed about sex since my parents never talked to me about it. I never had to deal with any unintentional biases or well-intended but misinformed testimonials. For example, I know for a fact that neither of my parents have a decent understanding of BDSM and that any attempt to maintain an informative and ultimately fulfilling discussion with them would have not ended well. And despite the best efforts of my parents, I would have just been confused.
My point is the big sex talk with your child is not really as important as people make it out to be. I’m not suffering from any negative repercussions from not having the experience. I am neither scared nor intimidated by sex nor am I a raging sexaholic. Now, I’m not saying that it isn’t important for you to discuss sex with your child, and if they come to you with questions, you should definitely do your best to answer them. But “the talk” just may not be as important as you think. And it’s definitely not something to get completely worked up over.
And you know what? I’m okay with that. I definitely don’t feel like I missed out on any necessary coming of age rite of passage, or that I am worse off now. I’m also sure that my parents aren’t losing any sleep over the hour of awkwardness that I robbed from their child rearing experience. Actually, if anything, I think that it was for the best.
See, part of the reason that my parents and I never had “the talk” is because I just never had any questions that I couldn’t find answers to for myself. I was fortunate to attend a public junior high and high school with a quality Sex Ed program. The teacher’s I had were always willing to answer any questions or stay after class to discuss anything with us that we didn’t feel comfortable speaking about in a room filled with our peers. (I also got to see Magic Johnson dressed up as a condom, but that was just a bonus). On top of that, I also had the luxury of growing up in an age when any information could be accessed via the internet and a few keystrokes.
I’ll be the first to admit that the internet is not always the best place to look up information about sex. For every true and reasonable statement about sex found through Google, there are two or three false statements to accompany it. It is definitely a bit overwhelming for a middle schooler who is just trying to satisfy a nagging curiosity. But the benefit to this wealth of information is that it teaches you to be a bit more skeptical about what you hear, and not just with things regarding sex either. With so much information available that insists on contradicting itself, it just feeds your curiosity and makes you search harder for reputable sources. This acquired skill has proven to be beneficial to my academic pursuits and I definitely feel better equipped to handle a world that is filled with scam artists waiting to rob you blind at every turn.
If anything, I feel better informed about sex since my parents never talked to me about it. I never had to deal with any unintentional biases or well-intended but misinformed testimonials. For example, I know for a fact that neither of my parents have a decent understanding of BDSM and that any attempt to maintain an informative and ultimately fulfilling discussion with them would have not ended well. And despite the best efforts of my parents, I would have just been confused.
My point is the big sex talk with your child is not really as important as people make it out to be. I’m not suffering from any negative repercussions from not having the experience. I am neither scared nor intimidated by sex nor am I a raging sexaholic. Now, I’m not saying that it isn’t important for you to discuss sex with your child, and if they come to you with questions, you should definitely do your best to answer them. But “the talk” just may not be as important as you think. And it’s definitely not something to get completely worked up over.
agreed i never had the sex talk with my folks either and i feel better off for it, they are very old fashioned and prudish and i would have ended up frustrated and confused. i had urges that would now be labeled as BDSM even back in my early teens so any talks from them would probably have ended badly, we still dont discuss sex in any way even now that i'm in my 30's. I'm open with my child tho and if she came to me asking questions i feel that i would be prepared to help guide her without prejudice, but not everyone has that.
My dad told me told me that a condom was " for a man to put over his penis when he made loved to a woman to prevent pregnancy " I was 5 years old and had just found one while snooping through his drawers. After that I found everything out on my own. When I lost my virginity at 14 my mom picked me up to go to the dentist and took one look at me and declared " OMG did you make love last night?" as she put it- cause it was written all over my sheepish smile. Other than the condoms that she then gave me for every valentines day and the guy she questioned me about sex wasn't something we talked about. But I haven't shut up about it everywhere I've gone since that day when I was 5. Kids have a way of finding things out on their own. I eouldn'y have had it any other way.
The sex ed program at our school was crap, my parents put parental blocks on the computers making it impossible to look anything up, and the closest thing to "the talk" my parents had with me was my mom laughing about her friend that worried she could get pregnant from oral sex. I wish my parents had been more open and educated about such things. As it is, my husband is actually the one that taught me about sex. That's kind of sad.