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The Process Of Understanding

Salvatore Vuono
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I know that most people look at a new and different relationship style that seems to be functional and wonder how on Earth this began. I will attempt to answer that question as fully as I can.

  What Happened Next

I pulled Sigel aside when we got home from the airport and told him I wasn't sure about this because I wanted Arch something fierce and not just for sex. I knew I was completely smitten. I wasn't sure my heart could take putting him back on a plane after the two weeks and I knew sleeping with him wouldn't change that feeling. It was then that I also realized that my feelings for Sigel had NOT changed. I was completely and totally in full on love with two men.
Sigel realized a fundamental thing as well: He LIKED the way I looked, all starry eyed and full of blushes. He knew it was the same way I STILL looked at him and he LIKED not being the focus of all that attention. He wanted to sit and just watch! He felt a bit scared, but a whole lot excited as well. It was he that said that Arch belonged with us...and he said he knew it from the first time Arch walked through our door.

I would love to say that everything went smoothly from that moment on, but that would be an unforgivable lie. I went slightly insane. I had an AMAZING two weeks with Arch and we did everything we had talked about for months. I fell deeply in love with him. Then a few days after Arch left, we took our first family vacation. One week without my parents and just the four of us: Sigel, me, and the two girls. We had such an amazing time but I was in a frantic tailspin because I missed the daily conversations I had had with Arch for years. Sigel was so very understanding and found a way for me to talk to Arch every day while we were on vacation. We rekindled our relationship and this was the point where we began to really see what we could be without our magical thinking.

Without the amazing support of the man I married and the man I later fell in love with, I doubt I would have been able to make the leap into polyamory. Without the understanding of my husband, I would never have allowed my heart to accept another love. Arch has always been firmly committed to my marriage continuing to work and we are all in it for the long haul.

So the real answer to the question of, "How I Got Into Polyamory" is that it was a process that unfolded. Through trial and error, we have negotiated our way into a love style, and life style, that works for us...all three of us.


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