Sex & Society » Sex positivity, Men, Pop culture: "The Straight, White, Cisgender Male = Creepy"

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The Straight, White, Cisgender Male = Creepy

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I’ve invested a lot of column inches fighting the perception that straight, white, cisgender men are “the enemy” — and that they don’t deserve the suspicion, negativity or outright hostility that often awaits them within the so-called “sex positive” online community.

The problem is: There are straight, white, cisgender men who certainly don’t do me any fucking favors.


Contributor: The Beautiful Kind

I TOTALLY AGREE. Our group Sex Positive St Louis aims to be inclusive, so we attract a lot of 50+ single white guys. Some are creepy. I won't list examples, as I don't want to alienate people, but let's just remember to respect other's boundaries and work on our social skills.

Contributor: Hurricane Katrina

Regarding the bit on Julian Assange:

I really have never heard him described as feminist. I have heard him described as:
* Like a James Bond Villain
* Creepy
* Arrogant
* Kind of a Douche Bag
* Prima Donna (and stealer of credit)

The issue with the allegations of sexual assault are... the British Government made them up. They used those allegations that the Swedish Government from the European Union had him on sexual charges. Which Sweden kind of was telling the world (just not on any of the media, as this part was not posted, much): guys, we do not know what you are talking about. We do not have any charges on Julian on record. The fact Sweden didn't have charges kind of only acted as a footnote to any of the stories.

Essentially, the UK Government, made up charges in another country, detained Julian Assange, with a false threat to deport him. One they specifically would have issues making true on (allowing Julian to be in UK Police Custody for much longer, based purposely having Julian lost in the government system). Then told the media: the guy was a rapist.

BTW: this is kind of a standard approach for dealing with people who get too far into the government's knowledge. They kind of watched how people handled the whole Micheal Jackson thing about a decade ago (honestly, nobody honestly knows if MJ did that... but they do strongly believe one way or another)... and decided to apply a similar tactic onto a guy like Julian Assange. Who technically was not breaking any law... BUT he was ticking off a lot of governments. So, he gets picked up, strong handed, threatened over it... then has everybody thinking he is a rapist because of it.

Assange kind of experienced something akin to what a lot of people experience when being raped. He tried to joke... but no, wait--let's put this more accurately: Julian experienced what a lot of children go through when they are raped... as fvckin' adult.

So show a bit more class next time you write something like this?

Contributor: Kat-Troy

I wonder how much of this is a late night rant. I'm a teacher, and I see this in classrooms all the time, parents do it all the time, it's all over society: we love our little girls, don't we? All the attention and energy goes to the girls, and boys are basically left behind to catch up in special ed (90% boys in my school make up the SpEd dept. and it's disproportionate across the state) and told they're bad because they're boys. All my uber-hetero guy friends from college (who don't walk around proclamating how much of a feminist they are --that should have been your first clue) treated women with honesty and care, and were quite frequently either already discussing the feminist issues from class or willing to have conversations with me... Not ALL straight, white, cisgender men are assholes, just because the loud ones are or because there are a few phonies in your club. Are all Masters abusers, just because those are the ones in the paper? We're not getting anywhere by pointing fingers at an entire group OF DUDES WHO WE WANT TO INCLUDE ('cause wouldn't it be nice if they were all sex positive too?). And Kyle Payne? Dude. Anyone who thinks porn is bad for women is an idiot and a sex offender waiting to happen. You didn't see that coming? Really? Until women (who have already figured this out) AND YOU SUPPOSEDLY PERFECT SEX-POSITIVE MEN start rejecting these terrible people with thrusting a brick of tungsten in their crotches everytime they act like a douche, they're not going to change. I think you need to take "Argument and Debate 101" again. I mean gosh, you don't even make any suggestions here, just complain.

"The problem is: There are straight, white, cisgender men who certainly don’t do me any fucking favors." I'm sorry but an entire group of people is not going to do you a favor. I think the problem here is you're expecting favors from a group of people with mutual hatred. There are way deeper socially in flux issues going on causing this issues, and you didn't talk about any of them.

Contributor: The Beautiful Kind

Update: we just had another SEX+STL event and got reports back from attendees that there was one guy who was creeper stalking and making others feel uncomfortable. He was the same guy who sat front and center when I was nude modeling and STARED AT ME for half an hour, no sketching, no chatting with others. I happen to know he is single and has Asperger's. I've spoken to him once before about his behavior, and we will speak to him again, as gently as possible, letting him know specific behavior that makes others (especially women) uncomfortable. People deserve to know what they are doing that puts people off, in the hopes they can change and be more successful socially.

Contributor: Reese Erick Forbes
Reese Erick Forbes  

He starts with a title statement that says ANY Straight White Cisgender Male = Creepy, since there are no qualifiers in the title.
Well, it is not the New York Times, but he should know better.
Then he talks about men who, as writers, pretended to be women to get a point across.
Lately I have been hearing women on the radio defending their right to write what they did.
Roland must have skipped the great classic literature class in college, where they studied women who wrote major works under a male pseudonym.
Then he acts as if Julian Assange is actually guilty, without a trial. No mention of CIA, no mention of the woman's political connections, no mention of her previous blogs about getting even with boyfriends that went with another female, etc. If this was reporting it would be called shameful and possible liable.
And he acts like a comedian is expected to say his lines in a straight forward non-humorous manner.
I think Roland just needed to get laid, and the only way he could think of was to dump on others that look like him, leaving him open for play.

Contributor: Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)

Reese - I'm so sorry it's been 8 months or so since you left this comment. It's adorable! I love the way you wade in by pretentiously attacking my "journalistic credibility" and then finish up by suggesting I get laid! It's almost as if you're completely oblivious to the inherent hypocrisy in that. Fine work, sir.