Today my cousin turns fifteen. Her body looks twenty one. Her boobs are bigger than mine, which are a 34D and she has a bubble booty to put Beyonce to shame. She is shaped like a grown woman, yet still adores Disney and plays with her Neopet. What astonishes me more than her womanly figure is how she is allowed to dress, and her parents' lack of concern for how she if viewed by others, particularly men. She is not the only teen I see in this type of situation, I see them every day, and with more frequency, girls being sexualized at such a young age. I hope that I am not the only one who finds this troubling.
The summer before last, when she was a mere thirteen, she came walking out of the bedroom at my grandmother's house. My mother, grandmother, my boyfriend, her parents and I were sitting in the living room and all but her parents were astonished at her outfit. It was a flowered, strapless romper, which was clearly uncomfortable as she kept pulling it up. It was not much more than a one piece swimsuit in style, and I am pretty sure I saw at least one porn star tweet a photo of themselves wearing something very similar that very day. The legs were so short that when she bent over, my boyfriend covered his eyes so as not to see her underwear. Her parents just calmly blinked and went on about their day. If I had EVER walked out in an outfit of that nature at that age, I would have immediately been told to change and the clothing would have been barred from wear.
This summer we had a pool party for her. The day before, she showed me her two piece suit from Victoria's Secret. There didn't seem to be ample material to cover her in any way, shape or form. When she showed up at the pool wearing it, I was stunned. Firstly, it was too small for her, the bottoms, which had semi-open sides were cutting in and the top, which gave her enormous cleavage, was also pressing into her sides and shoulders. Did she not try this on? Did her mother not see a problem with buying her such an overtly sexy swimsuit? Her father's only comment: "Well...where did you get that??" My father would have thrown a towel over me and got me the heck out of there, but then again, I would have never been allowed to wear it in the first place.
Her wardrobe is a mixed bag of short shorts, so short the bottoms of her cheeks show; tight, low cut tops featuring cleavage galore and skinny jeans that have to be peeled off. It boggles my mind to see some of the outfits she walks around in. Her father, after a trip to Europe, said the following to my boyfriend: "I just can't understand why all those European men kept staring at her..." My boyfriend was amazed at his lack of awareness about what his daughter wears. It's pretty obvious why they stare, why American men stare at her. She's got her goodies out.
I flipped through her Seventeen Magazine when I was visiting recently and I couldn't believe some of the outfits the models were wearing. The models are wearing suggestive, skimpy, skirts for back to school with giant fancy heels. The amount of makeup used on them was also a bit distressing to me. I am all for makeup and fun, but a teen does not need to wear a FULL face, and I mean the works, to school every single day... The models looked like they belonged in Vogue, not Algebra class.
How did we get to this place? What are we teaching our young girls by not setting boundaries? Are we so afraid of them become angry and distant that we choose to not be a parent? Is their personal safety no longer a concern? It makes me afraid for her, when she goes out on her own, without supervision. I fear for the messages and signals she is sending, without even knowing it. It has gone beyond stashing your lipstick in your bag to put on at school or rolling up the waistband of your skirt as soon as you hit the hallways. Girls like my cousin and girls even younger are being pushed into full blown womanhood without being properly prepared to deal with it entails.
Sadly, as she is not my child, it is out of my hands. I can only provide her with opinions and guidance, which is often met with a shrug or grumble. Maybe I am just getting old, but I don't think that's the case. I hope that her parents are offering her guidance as she begins her journey into womanhood. I hope they keep her safe and teach her well. I hope that she is comfortable to come to me if needed. But what I hope the most is that this trend falls by the wayside, leaving behind a trail of teeny bikinis and crop tops.
The summer before last, when she was a mere thirteen, she came walking out of the bedroom at my grandmother's house. My mother, grandmother, my boyfriend, her parents and I were sitting in the living room and all but her parents were astonished at her outfit. It was a flowered, strapless romper, which was clearly uncomfortable as she kept pulling it up. It was not much more than a one piece swimsuit in style, and I am pretty sure I saw at least one porn star tweet a photo of themselves wearing something very similar that very day. The legs were so short that when she bent over, my boyfriend covered his eyes so as not to see her underwear. Her parents just calmly blinked and went on about their day. If I had EVER walked out in an outfit of that nature at that age, I would have immediately been told to change and the clothing would have been barred from wear.
This summer we had a pool party for her. The day before, she showed me her two piece suit from Victoria's Secret. There didn't seem to be ample material to cover her in any way, shape or form. When she showed up at the pool wearing it, I was stunned. Firstly, it was too small for her, the bottoms, which had semi-open sides were cutting in and the top, which gave her enormous cleavage, was also pressing into her sides and shoulders. Did she not try this on? Did her mother not see a problem with buying her such an overtly sexy swimsuit? Her father's only comment: "Well...where did you get that??" My father would have thrown a towel over me and got me the heck out of there, but then again, I would have never been allowed to wear it in the first place.
Her wardrobe is a mixed bag of short shorts, so short the bottoms of her cheeks show; tight, low cut tops featuring cleavage galore and skinny jeans that have to be peeled off. It boggles my mind to see some of the outfits she walks around in. Her father, after a trip to Europe, said the following to my boyfriend: "I just can't understand why all those European men kept staring at her..." My boyfriend was amazed at his lack of awareness about what his daughter wears. It's pretty obvious why they stare, why American men stare at her. She's got her goodies out.
I flipped through her Seventeen Magazine when I was visiting recently and I couldn't believe some of the outfits the models were wearing. The models are wearing suggestive, skimpy, skirts for back to school with giant fancy heels. The amount of makeup used on them was also a bit distressing to me. I am all for makeup and fun, but a teen does not need to wear a FULL face, and I mean the works, to school every single day... The models looked like they belonged in Vogue, not Algebra class.
How did we get to this place? What are we teaching our young girls by not setting boundaries? Are we so afraid of them become angry and distant that we choose to not be a parent? Is their personal safety no longer a concern? It makes me afraid for her, when she goes out on her own, without supervision. I fear for the messages and signals she is sending, without even knowing it. It has gone beyond stashing your lipstick in your bag to put on at school or rolling up the waistband of your skirt as soon as you hit the hallways. Girls like my cousin and girls even younger are being pushed into full blown womanhood without being properly prepared to deal with it entails.
Sadly, as she is not my child, it is out of my hands. I can only provide her with opinions and guidance, which is often met with a shrug or grumble. Maybe I am just getting old, but I don't think that's the case. I hope that her parents are offering her guidance as she begins her journey into womanhood. I hope they keep her safe and teach her well. I hope that she is comfortable to come to me if needed. But what I hope the most is that this trend falls by the wayside, leaving behind a trail of teeny bikinis and crop tops.
I completely agree. One of my cousins is 13 and she wears some really skimpy things that even I wouldnt wear in public (and I LOVE wearing bellyshirts so that is saying something). When I was 13 I wore cargo pants and couldnt care less about makeup. The only time I ever put on makeup before I turned 15 was when my friends talked me into letting them give me a makeover or when I wanted to draw crazy things on my face with lipstick and eyeliner. Even now at 18 I only wear makeup on special occasions or when I randomly have the itch to be creative. Pop culture is starting to teach girls that they dont look good without makeup or fancy clothes on and that is dangerous. Both for their self esteem and for their safety. Girls who are told they dont look good without props often end up with severe depression and eating disorders. Society and media need to take responsibility and start telling everyone that they are beautiful just the way they are.
I totally agree.
Definitely agree!!
Thank you! I am 18 and I agree!
Let me just say: huge kudos to you! You covered exactly my own thoughts! Not only would my own parents not have agreed with that kind of clothing at that age, I WOULDN'T HAVE EVER wanted to put my own body on display as... meat? I really hate that women of all age feel that they have to reveal it all for attention or for any kind of respect, when in reality, it only brings the wrong attention and no respect. And don't even get me started on all those "women's" magazines. What part of any of them are for women? The part that tells you how to keep your man from cheating by circling your tongue three times over his scrotum? Yea, that's women's entertainment! If those mags were truly for us, we'd be reading about kittens and this. This stuff right here! What you just said. THAT is what women's interests are, this and many others of course. But you'll never see an article stating the provocative dressing of girls as negative as you did in your article, not in any magazine like Cosmo or 17 because they really only promote women as sex objects, and if I'm reading on how I should keep my man at home, that's the least thing I'll find interesting or entertaining. It's downright depressing and so fake.
Your article here on the other hand -- raw. Real. I love it! It said so much that I feel as well. I just hate that so many girls won't see it this way. They'll only see what the media or magazines are telling them -- that they will benefit from putting themself up as sex objects. That they should not be modest at all. And that's got their best interest at heart? No because listening to that advice (to dress so revealling and all) will only lead girls to a whole world of hurt. I used to think that the only good thing about me, the only thing that would make people like me or treat me nicely was to be sort of sluttish, to be honest. Of course that did not work out for me because I couldn't ever actually be that type of person because inside, I've always held such intense feelings against that type of thing. So for so long, as a younger girl, I felt like I had to pretend to be way more comfortable with things than I ever was. Thankfully, I didn't fall into it to the point of dressing totally provocatively and being too hurt.
Until we put down the magazines like Cosmo, stop reading into what the "media" says is beauty, we will continue to have girls who feel the need to do themselves this way. I personally wouldn't mind doing away with all that crap -- seventeen, cosmo, the whole shenanigan.
I am so glad my parents raised me to have self respect. It doesn't mean I didn't ever go through hardships and despise myself/body, but I have self respect that cannot be torn away.
When you mentioned how her dad said he didn't understand why the EU men were staring... WTF? That blew my mind! My dad would NEVER mention how men may stare at my body, and he'd have never approved of me being so near-nude anyway. In fact, if he had ever seen men stare at me the way the men in your article do your cousin, I believe the starers would have gotten themsselves a little bit humiliated. Lol. My dad has a way with looks. He wouldn't take nicely to anybody staring sexually at me, but also wouldn't have approved of such a wardrobe.
What I think we need to be sharing with these girls, is not the cute little sex stories you see in those magazines, but the real, the scary, the true stories. Rape. I can go on and on about that one, unfortunately I know it all too well. Not saying rape has anything to do with the way you dress -- not a bit! I have the opposite feelings on that one, but we need to be letting these girls know what to watch out for, not teaching them how to get dick. Rape, STD's, being left high and dry after sex. Those are real. Too real for some people, and yet you never see them being widely talked about. Because society (mostly) glamourizes sex and showing your body to such an extent that we're almost led to believe only good can come of it!
Well, love love love your article! Sorry for the lengthyness here. I tend to get fired up.
I totally agree with you. I wouldn't want to teach kids to feel like their bodies were disgusting things to be covered up, but a little modesty goes a long way for kids and adults alike. There's a time and a place. D: