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Almost...but not quite there yet

Almost heaven almost creates a bridge between a romantic movie and porn... almost, but not quite. There's not enough plot for it to be a movie nor enough sexual variety for it to be great porn. For those who like to take things slow or prefer to watch tame porn this one could be for you. Those who like their sex dirty, raw and hard such as myself I strongly advise you to look elsewhere.
Published:
Pros:
Condoms are used
romantic
Cons:
very plain vanilla flavoured sex
boring
Cndoms removed before ejaculation
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review

Content / Genre / Audience



Almost Heaven is the story of Angie who has recently passed away and finds herself with a difficult decision. She can take one memory from her life with her as she enters heaven, but it can only be one memory out of a lifetime of special moments shared with her husband Jake.

It is certainly a very romantic set up and the kind of plot that could become a Hollywood blockbuster. It is certainly on the sfter side of pornography and is a title I would strongly recommend to a hetro-sexual couple that were looking to add a little extra spice to their love life by dipping their toe into the porn pool so to speak.

The sex scenes are quite vanilla and on the tamer end of the scale so if you are a conisseur of pornography or prefer some extra kink or hardcore action you might just find yourself falling asleep to this one. Out of the four scenes included each follows almost the same path - Kissing, blow job, vaginal sex and finishing up with a cum shot. It is almost beyond predictable and whilst I had to work hard to stay awake I am certain that there are people out there who would truly enjoy this movie.
    • Hetero
    • Mild

Actors

The main character Angie is played by Kiara Diane who is an incredibly attractive blonde. She has some extra charisma and was one thing I really enjoyed in this movie. Angie's husband Jake is played by Chris Johnson although his role is a minor one compared to his wife.

The rest of the cast include Xander Corvus as Michael - the one responsible for helping Angie with her memory choice. Allie Haze is Sara one of heaven's administrators who has a strong crush on her boss Michael. Danny Mountain and Brooke Lee Adams play Carine & David - the couple whos memory Michael tells Angie about whilst trying to help her choose her one and only memory. Fellow "dead" couple Alice and Joe who are trying to choose their memory are played by Victoria White and Rocco Reed.

There are also a few bit players in Almost Heaven that porn club members should recognise from other titles we have viewed. These include Chad Alva, Seth Gamble, Anthony Rosano, Jessie Andrews, Aubrey Addams and Sarah Jackson. Lots of familiar faces there.

DVD Features

The cover for Almost Heaven is very soft and romantic visually with a depiction of the happy couple together as if they were in heaven. The rear cover includes some screenshots from the film but all of them are who;esome and fully clothed. This again adds to the soft romantic feeling and further gives the viewer the feeling that this is "clean" porn. It is quite dicreet, the raciest image on the cover is a woman in her underwear so if the kids were to pick it up you shouldn't need to be overly worried. The description of the film is also very tame and you could easily convince your mother that it wasn't pornographic - unless of course she knew of New Sensations.

The Bonus Features of this dvd include a behind the scenes featurette, photo gallery and trailers for upcoming releases along with a chapter index. They also include a "Pick your pleasure" menu which allows you to choose the type of action you would like to view with six different options : Tease, Blowjob, Missionary, Doggystyle, Cow Girl & pop shot. This is a really cool feature that I wish was included in more pornos as it is a great tool for when masturbating alone.
    • Attractive design
    • Discreet packaging
    • Scene selection

Personal comments

Scene #1 is between David and Carrine (Brooke Lee Adams & Danny Mountain)

After Angie arrives in heaven and (I guess you could say her guardian angel) Michael explains the very important decision she must make. Whilst counselling her on how to make the decision and which memory to choose he tells her the story of Corrine and David.

This scene starts out with the couple enjoying a meal on an outdoor terrace. After completing their meal they share a tender kiss. This kiss becomes more passionate and leads them to a couch that is on the same terrace. It is here that she begins to give him a blow job before he repays the favour. This eventually leads to some rather vanilla vaginal sex in a small number of different positions. Certainly not the memory I would choose!

I was very impressed to notice that a condom was being used in this scene but was quite unhappy that he removes the condom right before blowing all over her crutch. Certainly not my idea of safe sex!!

Scene #2 is Sara and Michael (Allie Haze & Xander Corvus)

After some discussion of the paperwork required for her one and only memory with Michael the movie cuts to some water cooler style discussion in the lunchroom of heaven's administrators.

Sara had left a note for Michael earlier in the day that must have contained something sweet as right after they are left alone and he mentions the note the romantic make out session begins. This scene is very similar to the first except it occurs in the lunchroom and she is the first to receive oral pleasure. A condom is also used for the vaginal penetration part of this scene but yet again it is removed for the cum shot which this time gets sprayed all over her torso.

Soon though we reallise when other co-workers enter the room that what we've just witnessed was all just a day dream that Sara was having about her boss. Instead of going with her co-workers to the cafeteria Sara ends up joining Angie in the garden for some further discussion of memories and Sara's crush on Michael.

Scene #3 is Alice and Joe (Victoria White & Rocco Reed)

Alice and joe join Angie in the garden after Sara leaves. This couple are both in heaven together and have decided to create a new memory together rather than finding one from their past. Cue the make out session followed by oral then vaginal sex, condom off and another cum shot that lands way to close to her pussy to be called safe. I really do like Rocco Reed and the setting for this scene is visually beautiful but it just wasn't enough to excite or impress me.

Scene #4 we finally see Angie and Jake together (Kiara Diane & Chris Johnson)

As Angie goes to take a nap before finalising her decision she looks back on a couple of moments she shared with her spouse but none are what she is looking for. After quite some lengthy discussion with heaven's administrators we finally get to see Angie and her husband Jake in action. Funnily enough it follows the exact same recipe as the previous 3 scenes - condom removal included.

Her memory chosen the final credits roll
Follow-up commentary
There just wasn't enough enticing content in this movie to make me ever want to wash it again. Whilst the soft, romantic style may suit some viewers it really isn't up my alley.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Purpleladybug
    Purpleladybug  
    Thanks for the review!!
  • Love Buzz
    Love Buzz  
    Thanks PurpleLadtyBug
  • newfoundlust
    newfoundlust  
    Great review. Seems just bit too tame and formulaic. Thanks.
  • Screaming Violet
    Screaming Violet  
    I thought this one was a bit of a snooze-fest too
  • Midway through
    Midway through  
    Thanks for the follow up, I totally know how you feel, this movie did very little for me too.
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