Almost Heaven by New Sensations - review by MR Chickhabit

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Ethereal Ecstasy is certainly "Almost Heaven"

"Almost Heaven" is a delightful foray into romantic porno. Lots of sweet tenderness intertwined with a gentle ethereal score, finished off with a surprise ending.

Totally worth it.
unique cinematography
solid fucking
really, really good sound
emotionless acting for some
undesirable skin conditions
unnecessary "girl talk"
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review

DVD Menu
The DVD menu includes Play Movie, Scene Selection, and DVD extras. Extras included are "Behind the Scenes," "Photo Gallery," "Pick Your Pleasure" (a neat way to show only parts of the scenes that interest you), "Trailers," "Web Trailer," and "Company Info."

I'm going to highlight my thoughts as they came to me during the film. Also, I'm not big on being vague for reviews of porn so be warned:


The opening sequence was very nostalgic. Right away I knew what I was in for, a peaceful serene flick with a great soundtrack. I was reminded of Paul Simon's "Kodachrome," If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I highly recommend looking it up.
The opening scene presented me with another constant in this movie, acting so bad that I was actually happy that there was equally bad boom mic. control. In a nutshell, after you die, you are brought to this place to take a single memory with you into the afterlife, but just one so scrutinize your thoughts and pick carefully. Then tell it to one of our convenient "recorders" and Zip Boom Pow, off you go into the afterlife.

Kiara asks for an example, Xander provides a story about a person he "recorded."
Brooke Lee Adams gets some wet juicy kissing With Danny Mountain, lots of kissing. Almost too much, but hot nonetheless. Gentle fucking, sweet and passionate. These two enjoyed each other, but the scene began to drag on near the middle/end.

I would like to point out that "Almost Heaven" has a really accurate score. It's very well thought out and adds to the overall atmosphere of the scenes. At least at first, eventually it becomes a tad monotonous.
"Almost Heaven" is very bright when in its main setting of the white office/house/??? The white isn't blinding or troublesome though. Not once did I think that I was being overwhelmed by it. It was actually comforting, like a soft pillow. Excellent lighting overall.

Allie Haze is a very shallower dick sucker. She took in maybe 4 inches in the end of her blow job. I wasn't feeling any passion or interest in her foreplay with Xander Corvus.

Also, I heard a phone go off. Were they trying to maintain an office setting with the phone? Why does "Almost Heaven" have phones at all?

The scene moves to the floor of the break room where a MAGICAL sheet appears in kitchen. This is porn afterall. Some standards have to be met. Looked terribly uncomfortable though (its tough being in porn).

While fucking on the floor, Xander proves his worth as a male actor. He provides good hair management during the fucking. Poor girl's hair was just too short for good facial viewing, so kudos to Xander--then they bump the camera into a cupboard. I love porn, they just don't care about some things, and others receive inordinate amounts of attention, and call me crude but Allie Haze has the darkest nipples and asshole I've ever seen. Great contrast, super sexy. Kinda like freckles and tan lines are hot, so are her DARK spots as they made me surprisingly horny. Once again, kudos to Xander, he made a very fluid transfer from laying down to counter. A true "Pro" in every sense of the word.

Almost Heaven made me excited, and not just in my pants. At one point near the end of Xander and Allie's counter top coitus, I was suddenly incredibly involved. It's a rare thing for porn stars to cum simultaneously. As I watched, I thought to myself, "Are they going to cum together? Holy shit this is gonna be aweso--aww, he couldn't make it, damn porn."

Kudos to the writers. Having the scene end with "it was all a daydream" was corny, but fit the scene perfectly.
"Almost Heaven" is a very unique sort of purgatory setting. People have time to just sit quietly and think in very picturesque locations. The house they rented out has a beautiful garden. It was a nice break from the billowy white of inside.

I would like to point out how dystopic this world of theirs is. It would appear that all labor is handled without the consent of those performing it. Slavery in my "Almost Heaven?" It's more likely than you think.

This movie was made for women. There, I said it. There is a large amount of "girl talk" and strangely enough, the actresses seem very comfortable with their lines during these parts.

Then from out of the blue, Victoria White and Rocco Reed show up, talk about how they have figured out a way to come up with memories to take with them, but "I'll tell you about that later." (their words, not mine)
Interesting, purgatory has beds.

Once again, a peaceful melody plays in the background. Very melancholy. THIS IS THE CALMEST PORNO EVER, NO SURPRISES. PEACEFUL. "HEAVENLY?", almost.

After some gentle foreplay from Rocco, the play continues under the sheets. I have to think that under the sheets must have been very hot, unless it's a tent. I think it's a tent.

One of the disadvantages of shooting porno in HD is every blemish is strikingly obvious. See, even pornstars can have razor burn and ingrown hairs.

Allie does not receive any feedback from Rocco. Overall it was not really a believable blowjob. My mind kind of wanders along with the people involved with the blowjob.
Seth Gamble and Allie Haze bring the focus back to the plot with, you guessed it, more girl talk. I guess you could say that this is plot development. Long story short, Kiara discovers that "it's the little things that matter" and heads off to see her memory recorder.

Kiara tells of a sweet memory she had with her husband, and when all is said and done she does something that makes no sense to anyone in the film, just the audience, and only if you had been paying really close attention. Kiara picks up a post it note that Allie gave to Xander which he threw away. Once again "it's the small things that matter" is repeated, and we are left with Xander looking as contemplative as he could muster.
OH MY GOODNESS! She isn't dead. It was all a terrible dream. And look, he left the same note on the mirror for her, how romantic.
Once again, hair becomes an issue during a scene. That's a problem with hairstyles made to look amazing at one angle. Your hair can look quite sloppy during a blowjob.

Kiara works very hard on top. Lots of passion, lots of intensity and compared to the other scenes, lots of noise in a good way. Chris is no slouch though, he works very hard to keep my attention with lots of hard fast movement. This is easily my favorite scene.
If I had to sum up this movie on one word it would be "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWW."
Follow-up commentary
It's so sweet. I recommended it to a friend who is new to porn and she said she liked it a lot.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Almost Heaven tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Anyone
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • All over body
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  • faust
    Nice review!
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