"1fan·ta·sy noun \'fan-te-se, -ze\ 5: the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological need -an object of fantasy-; also : a mental image or a series of mental images (as a daydream) so created -sexual fantasies-"
Unrealistic? Improbable? Maybe sometimes, but not always.
We all have them, secretive thoughts we often dig up from the depths of our minds when we have the desire to seek them out. Some might seem reasonable, while others might make a grown man blush. Fantasies, little images in our minds we create thinking we'd get some sort of gratification from it if we were to test the waters. Are yours so unrealistic that you keep it to yourself? Or do you speak freely with others about the fun your mind creates? Is it doable or something you'd only even want to fantasize about?
Where my mind wanders seems to stray slightly from the way the word fantasy is defined. Though I have a creative mind, my fantasies are pretty straightforward and lack any type of shocking gasps and awkward glances. My mind thinks back to activities mostly done in the past with my husband, and things I'd eventually like to do with him. Unrealistic? Not really. Improbable? Mostly not.
The most genuine fantasy I have, meaning it would never happen, still does involve my husband, but is very different from anything we've done before. I imagine leading him into our bedroom where I remove his clothes, kissing his face, shoulders, and chest. I have him lie down on our bed where he is then cuffed and unable to move. The blindfold comes out and I carefully place it over his eyes, sure that he won't be able to see anything. This part seems fairly common and is something we've done several times before. It's what comes next that makes it all different. Without being able to see, without being able to touch, I allow another woman to come into our bedroom and please my husband, completely unknown to him. After he's totally spent, she quietly slips away as I uncuff my deeply pleased husband and curl up in his arms.
I'm a very jealous person, which makes it strange to me why I would have this fantasy. I'm not involved with the woman. I'm not touching my husband; I'm simply watching. I guess it has to do with my husband's pleasure being greater in my mind than my own. I want to be able to give him everything and while I try my hardest, I can't give him the pleasure of another person. Though the very idea is an extreme turn on in my mind, our marriage would never be the same after that and I would question all the time whether or not he secretly enjoyed the experience of "her" better than me, even without him knowing it even happened.
This is the first time I've taken this fantasy and allowed someone else to experience it for a moment. I've not told my husband about this place in my mind, though I'm sure he wouldn't be upset by it. I don't take my mind there often. I have too many other real experiences to look back on and excitement that's to come; but when I do, it's always the same.
Fantasies allow us to mentally experience things we otherwise would never do, and oftentimes would never even bring up to another person. It's a place where we can safely "experience" something without having shame, without worrying about what someone else might think of it, without having to explain yourself to anyone. I'm fortunate enough to find my pleasure in the man that's chosen to spend his life with me. He's given me more pleasure than I ever thought I would have. Do I still fantasize about things we've yet to do? Sure! But all in all, he leaves little room for me to fantasize about anything other than him.
We all have them, secretive thoughts we often dig up from the depths of our minds when we have the desire to seek them out. Some might seem reasonable, while others might make a grown man blush. Fantasies, little images in our minds we create thinking we'd get some sort of gratification from it if we were to test the waters. Are yours so unrealistic that you keep it to yourself? Or do you speak freely with others about the fun your mind creates? Is it doable or something you'd only even want to fantasize about?
Where my mind wanders seems to stray slightly from the way the word fantasy is defined. Though I have a creative mind, my fantasies are pretty straightforward and lack any type of shocking gasps and awkward glances. My mind thinks back to activities mostly done in the past with my husband, and things I'd eventually like to do with him. Unrealistic? Not really. Improbable? Mostly not.
The most genuine fantasy I have, meaning it would never happen, still does involve my husband, but is very different from anything we've done before. I imagine leading him into our bedroom where I remove his clothes, kissing his face, shoulders, and chest. I have him lie down on our bed where he is then cuffed and unable to move. The blindfold comes out and I carefully place it over his eyes, sure that he won't be able to see anything. This part seems fairly common and is something we've done several times before. It's what comes next that makes it all different. Without being able to see, without being able to touch, I allow another woman to come into our bedroom and please my husband, completely unknown to him. After he's totally spent, she quietly slips away as I uncuff my deeply pleased husband and curl up in his arms.
I'm a very jealous person, which makes it strange to me why I would have this fantasy. I'm not involved with the woman. I'm not touching my husband; I'm simply watching. I guess it has to do with my husband's pleasure being greater in my mind than my own. I want to be able to give him everything and while I try my hardest, I can't give him the pleasure of another person. Though the very idea is an extreme turn on in my mind, our marriage would never be the same after that and I would question all the time whether or not he secretly enjoyed the experience of "her" better than me, even without him knowing it even happened.
This is the first time I've taken this fantasy and allowed someone else to experience it for a moment. I've not told my husband about this place in my mind, though I'm sure he wouldn't be upset by it. I don't take my mind there often. I have too many other real experiences to look back on and excitement that's to come; but when I do, it's always the same.
Fantasies allow us to mentally experience things we otherwise would never do, and oftentimes would never even bring up to another person. It's a place where we can safely "experience" something without having shame, without worrying about what someone else might think of it, without having to explain yourself to anyone. I'm fortunate enough to find my pleasure in the man that's chosen to spend his life with me. He's given me more pleasure than I ever thought I would have. Do I still fantasize about things we've yet to do? Sure! But all in all, he leaves little room for me to fantasize about anything other than him.
Studies on eroticism show that what turns us on is often tied to fear. Your mind takes that fear and turns it into something hot to experience in a safe space. Have you considered telling your husband the fantasy and roleplaying it? I don't mean actually having another woman there, but agreeing ahead of time that you'll pretend another woman is arriving after the blindfold is put on.
Thank you so much for your comment! At some point I'll share this fantasy with my husband, and perhaps we'll be able to play it out in a comfortable way (like you mentioned). But for now, I'm keeping this one to myself, hopefully a good opportunity will present itself and I can share.
We each have our own personal fantasies, I have mine too! But not with my husband and to even mention it to him I think it I believe would destroy what we have. My fantasy does do one thing for me, appreciate him that much more for what he shares with me, his total commitment.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Hummingbird! There's nothing wrong with having a fantasy outside of your marriage, and I'm glad that it's one that helps you to appreciate his commitment to you!