The Strap-On Desideratum
Trust us - it's not unusual. At some point or another, everyone has thought about having a cock and using it on someone, regardless of whether they already have one or not. A solution to all these fantasies-made-flesh? A harness.
Strap-on harnesses are to fucking like a saddle is to horseback riding. They don't do the fucking for you - but they position and anchor everything so that you can have the ride of a lifetime. Harnesses allow you to not only wear a cock, but in some cases, they provide stability and help control the attached dildo for even better penetration and less ‘toyus interruptus’ caused by slipping and sliding where you don't want it. Additionally, some harnesses are made for packing, or wearing a cock on an ongoing basis (whether your goal is to fuck with it or not). So, how do you choose what harness will work best?
The key to getting the right fit is experimentation - take a few minutes with your new harness before your big date, and try it on. Tug on the straps, move it up and down, jerk off the cock a little, see how it feels. You may find that what works best for you isn’t' the position that the porn stars wear them in - in fact, it may be up near your navel before it's giving you the best pushing possible, and that's still perfectly fine!
Latex is the most challenging to use - it relies on a good fit, gets overly sweaty underneath, and can cause an allergic reaction if you or your partners are latex-sensitive. Latex harnesses should be cared for the same way as latex clothing - wash it with cool water and a very gentle soap, then powder it lightly with cornstarch before storing it (and don't store it with latex of other colors - they will transfer to each other and ruin its appearance). You can always shine up the latex with a dab of silicone lube before you use it, especially if your partner is of the ‘oooh, shiny!’ variety.
Leather is usually the sturdiest, but as it's not as easy to clean as throwing it in the washing machine. Leather requires a bit more care (and if well taken care of, it can literally last you for decades). It's pretty simple, though - get some saddle or glycerine soap and water, rub it up into a lather, and apply it to the leather; then wipe it back off with a slightly damp cloth. You can condition it with a bit of mink or neatsfoot oil, but you shouldn't need to if you're using saddle soap, which cleans and conditions.
Nylon webbing, fabric, and polypropylene are great budget- and eco-conscious choices, but often don't hold up well to rough usage. The nice thing about them is that they're all either hand or machine-washable in mild soap and cold water (but skip the dryer - and please, no fabric softener, as there are just some things in life that don't need to be downy soft!).
Each person has a different set of requirements, so it's important to think about what kind of use your harness will be tasked with before purchasing. While materials are far more important from a safety perspective when it comes to insertables, you'll want to pay some attention to what your harness is made of - and make sure that it's not going to give you an allergic reaction which will leave you itching for less, rather than more!
Each harness configuration has its own pluses and minuses. Let's take a look at the basic styles below.
If you don't like leather, Aslan's vegan (vegan = faux-leather with no animal products used in its making) Jaguar Jock is a great option. With a lower point of attachment, you can get more direct clit stimulation or use it as a harness for an internal dildo (like the Feeldoe or the Share dildos) to give them more stability. It's also perfect for packing, as is the SpareParts Joque harness, which is one of the sexiest packing harnesses ever (and is waterproof as well as washable, giving you more options for use and care). If you're larger, and concerned about getting a good fit, take a look at the new Sedeux Divine Diva harness - with a hip measurement of up to 82", supreme washability, and an easy-to-adjust configuration, you can get a great harness that fits you snugly and works fantastically!
One of the most versatile G-String harnesses is the Black Cat G Harness. Its sturdy construction means that it gives you more stability than others of its type, so you can use it a bit more vigorously and get better results for your work. It's also got the classic “leather and studs” look, which offers an added visual perk. It's made of vinyl, making it waterproof and exceptionally easy to clean, and its rear strap is 3/4", so it's less likely to bind up and become uncomfortable (and it can be used to keep dildos or butt plugs inside the wearer from slipping out as well). Vinyl isn't the most healthy material for sex toys that get inserted - but for a strap on harness, it's just dandy!
Want something a little sexier and barely there? Try the Bare As You Dare harness, or the Brazilian harness! Both of these harnesses are extremely affordable and even sexier than most every other harness we can think of; their very simple lines work great if you're wanting to wear your harness under clothing (either with a cock in place or without). A word of caution though - if you've got a larger body and you want to use your harness for actual thrusting, these aren't going to be your best choices, as the minimalist g-strings work best on smaller to average-sized bodies. However, if your thing is simply wearing a cock or having it sucked; these are far better choices for you!
If you'd prefer something a bit more panty-like, the Bikini Harness and dong are fantastic, as well. It's easy to clean (throw it in the washer) and its accompanying silicone dildo will last for years. Also, keep in mind that all of these can hold other dildos, making your purchase a more long-term investment rather than something that you can only use with one person or in one particular way.
Locking dildo systems are not as popular as other styles, but they definitely have their fans. This system features a harness which is specifically configured with a base that locks a dildo into it, enabling a very sturdy connection with a minimum of fuss. The main brands are the Vac-U-Lock system and the Powerlock system; a variety of manufacturers make harnesses with these bases. Unfortunately, there is a dearth of higher-quality material dildos currently available for these systems; I am hopeful that in the years to come, more and more people will take advantage of this un-tapped (no pun intended) market and make some great silicone dongs for these harnesses!
We're fortunate that there are a few fun choices that are safer for the body, though - one of my favorites is the Penthouse Powerlock Harness, coupled with the CyberSilicone Powerlock Cock & Balls. They're purchased separately, but together they offer a fantastic combo - a sturdy, panty-type harness that will offer lots of support for your fucking, and a silicone-composite dildo with great ribs and balls for lots of extra stimulation. The silicone-composite dildo shouldn't be used with silicone lubes, naturally; and it has a bit of an odor to it (most composites have a plastic-y smell to them) but as far as what's out there, this is one of the safest.
Isn't it hot when you have a sexy partner riding your thigh, craving something more? I have two words for you - thigh harnesses. You can have your lover lower themselves onto the cock and help them get off while they grind themselves into a frenzy - or, stand next to a bed or table and use your thigh-attached dildo to fuck them in a more traditional way. The Thigh Harness from Sportsheets is a great option for this – it’s budget friendly, fabric and Velcro (for easy cleaning), and incredibly sturdy - so it'll dish out everything that they can possibly take. Just one thing - there is no ability to change the dildo size beyond the 1-1/4" diameter opening, so if you like to use larger ones, you'll want to look at The Fix Thigh Harness. The Fix is a very hot-looking leather thigh harness - it'll go great on your bare skin, but will look amazingly sexy over your Levi's, too! It has a 2" ring to hold the dildo, but it's changeable with other cock rings so you can get the perfect fit for your favorites. It's leather, so it'll last a lifetime if you clean it after each use and condition it with mink or neatsfoot oil every few months. Not to mention - it's leather. And if you like leather, that's all that needs to be said.
Like the idea of your partner on your chest, working themselves into a furor? Try the Chest Harness and dido set. Its nylon strap construction is simple to get on and adjust; it doesn't constrict your chest and hamper your movements or breathing; and as a bonus, it's easy to take care of. It comes with a high-quality silicone dildo, but of course you can use your favorites with it (though this is one of the best all-around use dildos that we've seen to come as part of a set).
You can give your partner a hand with the Palm Harness, too! This allows you to hold the base of the dildo securely in the palm of your hand, which lets you use your arm muscles for thrusting (either vigorously or very gently) and frees up your fingers for working other holes, stroking the skin, slipping into the delicate creases of your partner's body, or stimulating their clit or perineum. You can also get some extra freedom (if we can call it that) to use your hands with the Chin Up Harness, which covers your mouth and chin and uses them as a base for the dildo. This is perfect for people who enjoy the idea of their partner smothering them with their ass or pussy (safely and consensually, mind you!), yet doesn't restrict breathing at all. Additionally, many people who like teasing love chin harnesses - you can get an up-close and personal view of your partner's body!
You'll also want to make sure you have plenty of water-based lube on hand - non-staining is important, given that you're using fabric or leather with the dildo. If you're looking for recommendations, Maximus is a great lube for anal play and is water-based, non-staining, and long-lasting; I personally like both Liquid Silk (which has the bonus of looking a bit like ejaculate!) and Sliquid Organics for vaginal use, as they're very slippery and mimic vaginal lubrication well, and they're less likely to trigger sensitivities. I'd also stay away from flavored lubes with your strap on, unless you like the idea of your harness smelling vaguely like piña coladas for the next month!
Regardless of what position you want to use, why you want to use it, and where you want to put it - I promise you, there are plenty of options out there. Just let your fantasies flow, and pick out the style that calls to you - and check back with this buyer’s guide to make sure that it's really going to do the job for you. Because, really, if it's not going to do the job, then no bargain price or fantastic look is going to make it worth it - and if it does the job, and does it well, then you (and your sweetie) will be making a new friend for life.