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A Cultivation of Sexual Myths

A Cultivation of Sexual Myths sexmythsexposed.com, flickr.com
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We've all heard our share of sex myths. The "you can't get pregnant the first time" myth, the "douching with Coke a Cola" myth, and the classic "you won't get pregnant with the girl on top" myth. But what about myths that go further? Myths that make you wonder if you're a bad person? Or if you really had sex? Myths that have been so pervasive in our cultures that they have lasted for literally centuries?

  Am I a Slut?

On the opposite side of the "virgin" coin, there is the "slut" coin and all the double-standards and myths that go along with it. It's a subject just as controversial and murky as when to call yourself a virgin or not.

Multiple Partners

I, personally, do not believe that having multiple partners alone designates someone a "slut." I have had 2 sexual partners total and I'm marrying the second one. Technically, that's multiple partners. Some people would put me in the same category as a person who has had 20, 25, 30 or 40 partners.

But does it really matter if I've had 2 or 22? Whose business is it anyway?

I would say that the only people whose business it is would be the person and their partners. I would say as long as they all use the right protection to prevent the contraction or spread of STDs, avoid any unwanted pregnancies, and as long as everyone is honest and OK with the situation and understands what they want (be it a polyamorous relationship, or a monogamous one), then who cares?

My own, personal definition of a "slut" is someone who uses deceptive actions in their sex life, be it lying about an STD, use of birth control, or about exclusivity. Dishonesty and purposeful, malicious deception and sex are a hurtful, and sometimes deadly, combination. And this can be either a woman OR a man.

This brings me to my next subject...

Women Are Sluts, Men Are "Pimpin'”

I can't count how many times I have heard someone say that a woman is a "slut" or a "whore" because of the number, however big or small, of partners she's had, and a man praised for how many women he's "conquered" in bed. Why are women shamed and chastised for exercising the same sexual tendencies that men are so admired for?

The recent term for it is "slut-shaming" or putting a woman down for being a "slut." And that could mean anything, like wearing a low-cut shirt, hanging out at a bar at night, or having more than one sex partner. Nowadays it seems that a woman can hardly walk outside without someone finding a reason to call her a "slut."

Dictionary.com defines "slut" as "an immoral or dissolute woman; a prostitute."

Well...it would seem that by today's standards there are a whole hell of a lot of "prostitutes" wandering around these days. (Honestly, I'm not all that bothered if a woman actually is a prostitute, as long as she willingly chose to be so and isn't being abused. But that's a whole other discussion in and of itself.)

And also, there are a lot of different ideas about what makes someone "immoral or dissolute." That's a pretty broad term if you ask me. My idea of immoral is going to be way different than someone who is, say, a Catholic Nun. Or even a less extreme example, the neighbors down the street who don't believe in same sex marriage.

As I said above, I define a "slut" as someone who is willingly deceptive and dishonest to their sexual partners. I don't discriminate by gender on that.

Some people aren't comfortable using that word at all toward anyone. And that's okay too.

  So What Does It All Mean?

I wrote this article with the intention of starting discussion. I also picked the things I did because to me, they seemed like the most controversial and deeply-ingrained in western culture, especially the concept of virginity and how to define it.

Maybe some of you disagree with me on what is a "myth" and what isn't. (For the record, the first one about the broken hymens defining a women's virginity is a myth. The condition of "imperforate hymen" does exist, and this can be researched. The bibliography contains links for more information.) But to whoever reads this, please keep in mind I do not mean to step on any toes or speak my opinion as fact (minus the medical conditions mentioned above. I do try to state fact as fact and my opinion as opinion.)

The important thing is to ask yourself how you may have been affected by some of these myths and what they mean to you as an individual and when to know the difference between what is actually a fact and what is a personal opinion or belief you may be putting on someone else.

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