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Sex and the Suburbs: The Dry Spell

Sex and the Suburbs:  The Dry Spell Logos by Melanie Amorim
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It’s inevitable that all couples will go through it. And when you add needy children that expect to be fed, bathed and nurtured every day to the relationship cocktail, the chances that sex is going to take a backseat for certain periods of time is almost completely unavoidable. The question is, how long is too long?

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Ricki, a 38-year-old married mother of four told me “The kind of sex we have after we haven’t done it for a while is the best. It’s passionate, it’s desperate and we realize how much we have missed being intimate. It makes the sex awesome, and then we can’t wait to do it again.”

But what happens if you just can’t seem to get your libido to cooperate? A lot of moms (and, truth be told, dads) will at times see sex as just another chore on the unending list of stuff to do.

Patti said it was as if her body had stopped “needing sex” after her baby was born. She went into full-time mommy mode, complete with a lack of desire for anything sex-related. Many women go through this, during pregnancy and after; but for some, it continues on well until the children are out of diapers.

This is usually when you’ll find Dad sneaking off to the bedroom/bathroom/basement with the laptop tucked conveniently under his arm. This is also the time to TALK ABOUT IT. Because not having sex is just going to make him think that you might not be attracted to him anymore. Or, to paraphrase Yoda, “Resentment leads to anger; anger leads to big pink elephants; and big pink elephants lead to separate bedrooms and divorce attorneys.”

Pink elephants also leave a lot of shit to clean up. Which is why you need to let him know what you’re going through—make an effort to explain to him that you’re in a sex-slump (seven out of 10 moms will tell you that putting it to him in sports terminology will greatly speed up the comprehension process). Once he knows that it’s not about him, then you can put your minds together to resolve it. Or ask Dr. Dick (link). (Also, this is probably not the best time to broach the subject of polyamory.)

Maybe it’s just as easy as putting aside some extra time. You know, like shipping the kids off to Grandma’s. Or summer camp. Or military school. (Note: Please do not put your children up for sale on Craigslist. I know that it is important to make time for the sexay-time, but seriously—not cool. Besides—they’re not worth nearly as much as you think.)

Alternately, it might be a matter of foreplay. Maybe Mommy, in order to get herself re-ticking, needs a little extra attention. Breaking a no-sex streak doesn’t have to be just about getting back into the swing of things, it can be a great opportunity to rediscover the simple acts of seduction, and because of the build-up of sexual tension and anticipation, what might result is something fairly mind blowing that could remind you of the old days when sex came early and often—you know, before those pesky kids got in the way.

Or maybe you just need to spend a little time alone with yourself…if you know what I mean. You know better than anyone what turns you on—sometimes it’s just a matter of having a really great orgasm to remind you that you do, indeed, like sex—and need it. And masturbation could be the key to getting you back on the horse. Or even on Hubby.

Whatever brought the dry spell on; remember that it happens to everyone. Life is by definition complicated, busy, stressful, and even un-sexy. Most couples with children, jobs, bills, and not enough hours in the day, find that sex doesn’t always just “happen.” Occasionally sex gets lost in the shuffle and sometimes it takes a little work, a little understanding and a lot of communication to find it. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with the relationship—or with you. Sex is like ice cream. If you buy a carton and leave it languishing in back of the freezer too long, it becomes an inedible chunk of nasty. On the other hand, ice cream comes in thousands of flavors—it’s up to you to discover the new ones, rediscover the old ones, and make time to enjoy them all.

Just don’t crash the car en route to your own private Dairy Queen.

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Dry spell? Slump? [27] Jul.07, 2011

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