The New Intimacy

Dry spell? Slump?

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Related to: 
Sex and the Suburbs: The Dry Spell
Sex is like ice cream. If you buy a carton and leave it languishing in back of the freezer too long, it becomes an inedible chunk of nasty. On the other hand, ice cream comes in thousands of flavors—it’s up to you to discover the new ones, rediscover the old ones, and make time to enjoy them all.

We've all been there. The Dry Spell. The Slump. How do you pull out of it?
08/12/2009
  • Treat Her! Gift Set For Women For $69.99 Only
  • Complete lovers gift set
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Long-distance pleasure set for couples
  • Save Extra 20% On Love Cushion And Toy Set!
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: spicywife spicywife
We had a "dry spell" but it was for a significant reason. It was after my daughter was born, so I thought it was because of that (we've all been told it can take "time" to get back into the groove). But I was actually sick and had undiagnosed celiac disease and adrenal exhaustion. So, after we found that out and I changed my diet (CD means you can't eat gluten) then I started to feel better. Once I felt better, my libido came back with a vengeance.

During the "dry spell" though, my husband just knew that I would want to again, however long it may take.

We were still intimate and I wanted to, it was just like... I couldn't. It was as if a firecracker started to burn but then went out like a light. I still wanted to please him though (hand jobs, etc).

I think communication is KEY!
08/12/2009
Contributor: spicywife spicywife
that was an amusing article too
08/12/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
I hit a slump a few years ago when I was working a job I hated with a passion, but I needed it for the free tuition. I would be so emotionally and mentally wiped out when I came home that it was hard to do anything but hit the couch and try to go brain dead for a while. My husband was extremely sweet, and never said one word about the lack of sex, and did all he could to help improve my mood. That situation lasted about 3 months and one day I realized it could not continue no matter the reason for doing otherwise, so I called in one Monday morning and told them to not expect me back. When that monumental weight was lifted from my shoulders, the improvement was immediate. Man, I never want to go through that again!
08/12/2009
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
We went through a very very long slump!

I think one part of it was hormonal. But mostly it was because we were raising 4 kids, running our own cleaning business, plus I had a part time job, plus I homeschooled for 13 years, plus all the dance lessons and other extracurricular activities. Oh and don't forget paying the bills, buying the groceries, cleaning the house, and the list goes on.

I was just too dam tired!
08/12/2009
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
We went through a very very long slump!

I think one part of it was hormonal. But mostly it was because we were raising 4 kids, running our own cleaning business, plus I had a part time job, plus I homeschooled for 13 years, plus all the ... more
Oh I forgot. I pulled out of it by the kids growing up and my responsibilities getting lighter. Plus I've been using natural progesterone cream which counteracts estrogen dominance. That kicked it in gear and I just keep stoking the fire to keep it burning. I don't want to go back to that slump.

Being on EF has helped a lot!!!! I'm learning new things and trying new things. And having a blast doing it.
08/12/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
Oh I forgot. I pulled out of it by the kids growing up and my responsibilities getting lighter. Plus I've been using natural progesterone cream which counteracts estrogen dominance. That kicked it in gear and I just keep stoking the fire to ... more
So, in other words, you were laying around without a blessed thing to do. LOL!!

I've read about progesterone cream but never knew anyone who had actually used it. Would that be something one would use for anti-slump only or would it be good for anyone at any time?
08/12/2009
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
Quote:
Originally posted by Raven
So, in other words, you were laying around without a blessed thing to do. LOL!!

I've read about progesterone cream but never knew anyone who had actually used it. Would that be something one would use for anti-slump only or would it be ... more
You should read up on it. Many women are estrogen dominant and it causes all kinds of hormonal issues. Natural progesterone is the only hormone that opposes estrogen. When we're young we produce a fair amount of it naturally but as we age it decreases to almost nothing. We lose far more progestore than estrogen after 30 and during menopause.
08/12/2009
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
Oh I forgot. I pulled out of it by the kids growing up and my responsibilities getting lighter. Plus I've been using natural progesterone cream which counteracts estrogen dominance. That kicked it in gear and I just keep stoking the fire to ... more
Being overwhelmed with responsibilities is definitely a libido killer! How do ya stay in the mood when you can never catch up on work and family duties? I totally relate!
08/12/2009
Contributor: spicywife spicywife
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
Being overwhelmed with responsibilities is definitely a libido killer! How do ya stay in the mood when you can never catch up on work and family duties? I totally relate!
I think that is something that is ongoing for most people, especially parents! That's where creativity and flexibility come in to play.
08/12/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
You should read up on it. Many women are estrogen dominant and it causes all kinds of hormonal issues. Natural progesterone is the only hormone that opposes estrogen. When we're young we produce a fair amount of it naturally but as we age it ... more
I think I will check it out. Sounds like it would be great at any age. Thanks for the info!
08/12/2009
Contributor: Heather Heather
Count your blessings. Friends of ours have had a 3 year spell and the wife doesn't seem worried. We all have these for any number of reasons and unless it is medical I really think it is just all about staying in touch with yourself and your partner. Like newme21 I have also found EF to be a great way to keep things up so to speak. Like ice cream, it is not easy to make and will go sour if not used. All things good in life take work and practice. Sex is not something you learn. It's something you discover and practice.
08/12/2009
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
Oh I forgot. I pulled out of it by the kids growing up and my responsibilities getting lighter. Plus I've been using natural progesterone cream which counteracts estrogen dominance. That kicked it in gear and I just keep stoking the fire to ... more
You an I must be related. I went through a dry spell for some years back for much the same reasons; running two businesses, homeschooling our son, caring for a family member's toddler, volunteer work, etc., etc, along with SERIOUS estrogen dominance.

I too started using the natural Progesterone cream, which made me feel better emotionally and physically, plus I cut back on some responsibilities and learned to delegate a bit. Through it all, Alan & I deliberately made time for non-sexual intimacy (cuddling in front of TV when the kids were asleep, the occasional shared bath, etc.) and eventually everything worked itself out. Communication was really important during that time for us.
08/12/2009
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
"You an I" should have been "You AND I"... duh my stupid typing fingers!
08/12/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
Michele, I liked your mention of non-sexual intimacy. I've always believed that that type of activity is esential for a couple to maintain their close bond, slump or no slump. Frequently when my hubby and I come home in the afternoon, we head straight to the bed for a little cuddling-only session. For us, the feeling is incredible, and as my husband says, it like taking a big cold drink when you're parched. It just satisfies a part of you inside that sex sometimes can't reach. IMHO.
08/12/2009
Contributor: spicywife spicywife
Quote:
Originally posted by Raven
Michele, I liked your mention of non-sexual intimacy. I've always believed that that type of activity is esential for a couple to maintain their close bond, slump or no slump. Frequently when my hubby and I come home in the afternoon, we head ... more
I agree!
08/12/2009
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Quote:
Originally posted by Raven
Michele, I liked your mention of non-sexual intimacy. I've always believed that that type of activity is esential for a couple to maintain their close bond, slump or no slump. Frequently when my hubby and I come home in the afternoon, we head ... more
"It just satisfies a part of you inside that sex sometimes can't reach. IMHO."

Absolutely! And that sort of thing will hold a relationship together far longer than just sex alone will.
08/12/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I haven't had sex in 9 months.

Lord.
08/12/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Well, I tell you.. if I felt we were at all in a slump before, this deployment will cure that!
08/12/2009
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
I started reviewing sex toys. I guess if it happens again I'll have to find a new trick, huh?
08/13/2009
Contributor: Dark Muse Dark Muse
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
Being overwhelmed with responsibilities is definitely a libido killer! How do ya stay in the mood when you can never catch up on work and family duties? I totally relate!
When I was super overwhelmed and not really interested in sex, my partner took the time to focus on me, giving me an amazing full body massage. By the time he was done, I was ready to go. It relieved muscle tension, I felt more awake, and after awhile his touches became caresses, which did just get me in the mood. He also focused not just on relieving muscle tension, but all my hot spots, to get me more in the mood. Sometimes you just need to get a bit pampered when you're overwhelmed with responsibilities.

Taking an hour or so to take a bath, focusing on the feel of your skin and your surroundings can help. When you feel relaxed you're more into it. Even just 10 minutes a day to yourself to focus on you will have an impact.
08/17/2009
Contributor: pinkzombie pinkzombie
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Sex is like ice cream. If you buy a carton and leave it languishing in back of the freezer too long, it becomes an inedible chunk of nasty. On the other hand, ice cream comes in thousands of flavors—it’s up to you to discover the new ones, ... more
I just try to make me get my sexy on. pedicures manicures, facials, work out. Baths, and masturbation always help to get me in the mood. Also if we just "do it" we get more into wanting to do it more often!
11/27/2010
Contributor: celibacysucks celibacysucks
I'm in an 19 month dry spell at the moment. I am having trouble getting out of it, partly because I am scared to be intimate with someone again after all this time. **sigh**
11/27/2010
Contributor: yatinp30 yatinp30
nice thought about sex
05/11/2011
Contributor: tiname25 tiname25
nice
05/11/2011
Contributor: hotcoktail hotcoktail
Never go like that
05/12/2011
Contributor: anonomous anonomous
Im learning new things everyday. Thanks! lol
07/07/2011