The New Intimacy

Eden Kink - Guest Speaker: lunaKM - Thursday September 29th at 8pm ET

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Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
That's where I'm at. I get bored far too easily.
You and me both. I also have the attention span of a gnat. I need to be captivated for something to arouse me, which is why I think D/s and bdsm in general appeal to me - the intensity. Well, one reason they appeal to me, or call to me, as the case may be.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Annabel Joseph Annabel Joseph
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
For the most part it's not so bad, we just have to be sure to be quiet lol. I'm looking forward to branching out some when we have our own place, we just can't afford one yet.
We have the same issue, but with us it's the kids. They're getting old enough now to be asking, "what is that sound?" when we do scenes. Why can't the sound of leather hitting skin be quieter, lol?
09/29/2011
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Are any of you in a long distance relationship? How far away is your partner?
I am not, but I am very curious to know what others' experiences are with that. Mine always seem to fall apart as soon as there is dinstance for any length of time.
09/29/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by Ivy Wilde
Thanks! My husband is not submissive, but he does like me to whip him. So he's a masochist, but not a submissive. Is there a special term for this? Or should I just refer to him as a masochist?

And what should I call what I do? I ... more
masochist works just fine for him, and I'd probably call you a Service Top.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Pixel Pixel
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Are any of you in a long distance relationship? How far away is your partner?
My owner lives a two hour drive away, and my two other partners live in the same town as I do. I am living with one of them at the moment.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
That's where I'm at. I get bored far too easily.
I may be the odd one out then. Some days I find it hard, especially when he asks something I'm not quite comfortable with doing yet or when my mouth gets ahead of me... Other times though I just sink into it. I haven't really struggled with the enslaved or owned thing. I kinda feel like I'm missing something haha.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
That's where I'm at. I get bored far too easily.
You and me both. I also have the attention span of a gnat. I need to be captivated for something to arouse me, which is why I think D/s and bdsm in general appeal to me - the intensity. Well, one reason they appeal to me, or call to me, as the case may be.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Annabel Joseph
We have the same issue, but with us it's the kids. They're getting old enough now to be asking, "what is that sound?" when we do scenes. Why can't the sound of leather hitting skin be quieter, lol?
I have this vision that we'll end up really into something that makes noise, and then have kids and have to be back on the down low for 20 years lol.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Are any of you in a long distance relationship? How far away is your partner?
I am and he's around 5 hours away... 3 if he's the one driving
09/29/2011
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
Hey pretty lady!
Heya gorgeous!
09/29/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Our relationship started out as bedroom kink with a bit of routine outside the bedroom. We had kinky sex all the time, tried bondage and spanking first and then moved to other fun things. A lot of what I did outside the bedroom was kinky sex in nature too. Wearing butt plugs or ben wa balls while at work, semi-public flashing and masturbation, taking naughty pictures, etc were a lot of what we did. Quickly though we realized that we wanted more and as we learned and grew with each other and in the community we decided we’d give 24/7 D/s a shot.

Nothing is wrong with a bit of bedroom kink and I encourage people to start there whenever I give advice. You never know where your true intentions lie, but kinky play is always a fresh new adventure that could lead to more.

What is it about bedroom kink that is appealing, do you think?
09/29/2011
Contributor: Pixel Pixel
Quote:
Originally posted by Ivy Wilde
Thanks! My husband is not submissive, but he does like me to whip him. So he's a masochist, but not a submissive. Is there a special term for this? Or should I just refer to him as a masochist?

And what should I call what I do? I ... more
My friends refer to what you're doing as being a 'service top'. You're getting enjoyment from fulfilling the needs/desires of your partner, even though it might not be your own particular kink.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Annabel Joseph Annabel Joseph
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
I have this vision that we'll end up really into something that makes noise, and then have kids and have to be back on the down low for 20 years lol.
Yep, that's where we're at. We LOVE spanking, all kinds. It is just NOISY. We need a soundproof room!
09/29/2011
Contributor: Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
masochist works just fine for him, and I'd probably call you a Service Top.
Thanks! I love language, but I'm having trouble figuring out all the terminology used in BDSM. Is there a good online dictionary?

BTW, what does it take to be a dominatrix? I've always been fascinated by that idea.
09/29/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
I am and he's around 5 hours away... 3 if he's the one driving
It's hard, that's for sure.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
I am not, but I am very curious to know what others' experiences are with that. Mine always seem to fall apart as soon as there is dinstance for any length of time.
I tend to be good with distance but at a certain point, if the emotion is strong enough and enough time is invested, you need to be in the same general vicinity and if you're not, things just fall apart.
09/29/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by Ivy Wilde
Thanks! I love language, but I'm having trouble figuring out all the terminology used in BDSM. Is there a good online dictionary?

BTW, what does it take to be a dominatrix? I've always been fascinated by that idea.
Depends on what you consider a Dominatrix. Is that a pro-domme for you? Dominantrix for me is just another term for a female Dominant.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Our relationship started out as bedroom kink with a bit of routine outside the bedroom. We had kinky sex all the time, tried bondage and spanking first and then moved to other fun things. A lot of what I did outside the bedroom was kinky sex in ... more
That's sort of how M and me started. For us it's the power exchange. It turns him on to have a woman submit to him sexually and it turns me on to be controlled.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
It's hard, that's for sure.
That it is. And as far as the appeal of bedroom kink I think it's a change...people get bored after years of the same thing, or just desire for it while not being submissive or dominant.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Annabel Joseph Annabel Joseph
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Our relationship started out as bedroom kink with a bit of routine outside the bedroom. We had kinky sex all the time, tried bondage and spanking first and then moved to other fun things. A lot of what I did outside the bedroom was kinky sex in ... more
We were the opposite. We started pretty heavily with a 24/7 owner/property relationship but it became untenable after I started working again. The last couple years we've eased off and just done lighter play.

I think people go through stages in their kink lives and the intensity level waxes and wanes. Someday we might get back into the 24/7, but for now it's just not happening.
09/29/2011
Contributor: oldman oldman
This is very interesting and new to me. It seems that one can be a submissive without a dom, if the vague definition is one who likes to serve another. Would you call a person in a relationship who "gives" more freely thant the partner, or is more caring (like when the other is sick) or just a good host/hostess at get togethers be a sub? In the traditional marital relationships of long ago, the wife would be considered a sub even if the husband was quiet and kind and not demanding in any form.
09/29/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by Annabel Joseph
We were the opposite. We started pretty heavily with a 24/7 owner/property relationship but it became untenable after I started working again. The last couple years we've eased off and just done lighter play.

I think people go through ... more
KM and I can't drop the 24/7. It's just.... not in us to do vanilla anything.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Kake aka PoeticErotica Kake aka PoeticErotica
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Our relationship started out as bedroom kink with a bit of routine outside the bedroom. We had kinky sex all the time, tried bondage and spanking first and then moved to other fun things. A lot of what I did outside the bedroom was kinky sex in ... more
It allows you to step outside of your comfort zone a little, to live dangerously so to speak, to get the adrenaline rush and all that without making any major lifestyle changes and without any day-to-day exchange of power. It allows you to remain 100% autonomous and still get your kink on.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Annabel Joseph
We were the opposite. We started pretty heavily with a 24/7 owner/property relationship but it became untenable after I started working again. The last couple years we've eased off and just done lighter play.

I think people go through ... more
I'll definitely agree that the intensity waxes and wanes. It has, for sure, in our relationship.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Elaira Elaira
Quote:
Originally posted by luna[KM]
Are any of you in a long distance relationship? How far away is your partner?
My lover lives two hours away and I get to see him every two weeks. I've tried to incorporate things into the bedroom with him. We both met as natural subs, but liked to switch and now I'm becoming more comfortable in love with being a top. I just wish he wasn't so afraid of me when I had a crop in my hand.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
Quote:
Originally posted by Pixel
My friends refer to what you're doing as being a 'service top'. You're getting enjoyment from fulfilling the needs/desires of your partner, even though it might not be your own particular kink.
Thanks for the term, but I HATE the idea of "serving" anybody. I may not be a sadist, but I don't have a submissive cell in my body. I HATE being told what to do, ask nicely and I'll probably do it. Tell me, and there's no way I'll do it, even if I originally intended to.
09/29/2011
Contributor: luna[KM] luna[KM]
Quote:
Originally posted by oldman
This is very interesting and new to me. It seems that one can be a submissive without a dom, if the vague definition is one who likes to serve another. Would you call a person in a relationship who "gives" more freely thant the partner, ... more
What you are describing is submissive the adjective. Women were subservient because that was what was expected of them. For a submissive in BDSM, submissive is a noun and a verb. We actively seek it out and perform happily, by choice.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Elaira
My lover lives two hours away and I get to see him every two weeks. I've tried to incorporate things into the bedroom with him. We both met as natural subs, but liked to switch and now I'm becoming more comfortable in love with being a top. I ... more
Have you tried a different toy?
09/29/2011
Contributor: Annabel Joseph Annabel Joseph
Quote:
Originally posted by oldman
This is very interesting and new to me. It seems that one can be a submissive without a dom, if the vague definition is one who likes to serve another. Would you call a person in a relationship who "gives" more freely thant the partner, ... more
@oldman

There is actually a pretty popular form of power exchange called 1950s Household where couples choose to live like husband/wife couples of that time, where the guy was king of the castle and the wife bustled around and served him. From what I understand, there's a lot of casserole making and apron wearing...but the wife actually gets aroused by that.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by oldman
This is very interesting and new to me. It seems that one can be a submissive without a dom, if the vague definition is one who likes to serve another. Would you call a person in a relationship who "gives" more freely thant the partner, ... more
Hmm, personally no I wouldn't consider them submissive. My owner is a good host and has been the one that cares more in some relationships yet he is very dominant. Being submissive doesn't mean you are submissive to everybody though some do enjoy it. For most, being submissive is listening and being in service to their dominant. When I was single I was still submissive but I didn't serve everybody that asked anything of me. Two very different things to most people. Infact, most subs I know are very strong, independent, and strong willed people that will stand up for themselves and not serve anybody but who they call master.
09/29/2011