Afraid of Anal?

That could be my problem, actually. We apply lube like crazy, but only to begin with. We just assume it's enough. But it never feels DRY, you know? I don't know. I just don't think I'm relaxed enough.

I feel like that, too!

Thanks for the advice. I never really thought about incorporating the use of toys beforehand. I guess I should have. Haha. I've used toys on myself for anal, and it still wasn't comfortable. Thanks for telling me I'm normal for not getting the hang of it though. I thought I was weird for not liking it.

I've often heard that I should try getting excited before trying it out, and I have, but after that we just jumped to anal, thinking it would be alright. Buuut, it wasn't. Thanks for the advice, though. I'll keep this in mind.

I'm the same way. Tried it twice. Tried everything but still have lots of pain. hope you find a way to help you.

By "getting used to" no one here means getting used to pain. Pain should not be present in anal sex.

"Getting used to" means that you spend time learning how anal stimulation feels (it feels good but different, and for many people the "difference" is read as "it feels funny"), learning how your body reacts and relaxes, and learning that when you trust yourself and anyone else involved enough to relax anal play doesn't hurt.

My girlfriend is the same way. I think we successed once with it, but she is always tense about it. It just takes alot of patience. Try experimenting with toys to get adjusted to the feelings.

I need to have an orgasm or a few of them before we attempt anal sex. It relaxes me like nothing else.

Also, My Man trained me for over a month, gently rimming, using lube, stimulating with only a finger tip, then a little more, very S-L-O-W-L-Y over a period of time.

Many women also find if they are vaginally penetrated (if that is what they are used to during sex) it relaxes further. We use a nice dildo or phallic vibe vaginally before and during anal sex.

Then, lots of lube and start very gentle and slowly.

But, orgasm before we try is the best thing that helped me in the beginning.

Take is slowly. I've never "torn" anything, I do have hemorrhoids (I have three kids) but according to Tristan Taoromino, anal sex and anal play actually reduce the incidence of things like hemorrhoids, by keeping the anal passage healthy. I have found the few hemorrhoids I got during pregnancy have rarely been a problem since we've been having regular anal sex the past few years.

Although some people like to prep with toys, I found I didn't enjoy anal toys until after we had actually performed full anal sex, everybody is different. We found manual stimulation and rimming were enough to get me where I needed to be to partake in this amazing form of making love.

After we got used to having anal sex, we found some toys I really liked and now regularly use a plug or a nice medium size anal probe before hand. But, you need to see what works for you.

The experience of anal sex, especially after some orgasms, is electrifying! I feel like I'm in an altered state, even more, at times, than during oral sex or PIV. If you take your time, it's an experience your most likely will not regret.

Good Luck.

I generally just grit my teeth an bear it. Lol. I see all of these girls loving anal and I'm like, "Why can't I be that way?"

Have to agree with the other poster who suggested solo play with toys first. You've got to get to know what your body likes. Also, you have to ask what your motivation is. I know if I had an over-eager partner who was bound and determined to see some back door action, my own reaction would be "I don't think so, so don't even think about it." I've just started experimenting with toys myself. When I was younger, I couldn't conceive of anal play. Couldn't wrap my brain -- or my butt -- around the concept. I just thought if it as degrading to women. Now, I can see it's quite pleasurable. I just wasn't emotionally and therefore physically ready for it.

I've started looking into butt plugs and doing a bit of solo play with my fingers. I'm still not incredibly into it, and I'm sure that that's just my mentality. I'm afraid that because I failed once, I'm going to fail again, but that's just something I'll have to overcome on my own. My partner isn't overly eager, actually. I suggested it because neither of us have experienced it, and we would like to share the experience as a first, you know? I could look up all kinds of ways to go about anal, but it just doesn't compare to hearing and reading advice from people who have done it and really enjoy it. I really appreciate all of the feedback from everyone.

Start with external play and just get used to the anal "feelings" without having anything in there. Then go slowly into toys, as slow as it takes. It's going to take a while, because your body now associates anal with pain, and you need to undo that.

You know I have never been able to do solo play, I personally can't even go near my butt it doesn't do anything for me, I want no part in it which is weird because I do get into it with J.

When you "Grit your Teeth and bear it" your body tenses up, and you set yourself up for failure on that try and for the future. If you aren't 99% relaxed and wanting it, DON'T do it until you relax. You are creating a vicious cycle.

Have you tried orgasms BEFORE anal and using a vaginal dil or vibrator during? These strategies, along with anal training, which can take months before full anal sex can be performed, tend to work the best for many women.

Personally, I never tried any anal play on myself, and relied on my husband to help me with the training during our sex play. I also didn't use toys for a long time, until most of the training (which took several months) was starting to work.

You have to go with what works for you, but you can't push yourself or rush. You'll set up a cycle of fear - pain -tension - anal contraction. Take is slow. Pushing yourself only results in failure, pain and more fear.

You have to not only want it, but work towards it, with the help of a VERY patient and generous partner. He should KNOW when you are in pain or not relaxed, and if he doesn't know TELL HIM. But, no progress was ever made by gritting one's teeth and bearing it.

In that case here's what I would recommend. Note that you'll have to trust your partner 100% for this to work, and he needs to be trustworthy. If he's still interested in sex after orgasming you might want to bring him off somehow to reduce his desires so he can focus on you.

Start off with him going down on you or using hands to bring you to at least one orgasm. You can also have sex as long as he's willing to go down on you after you have sex (a condom could help if he doesn't like the idea of getting his semen in his mouth - humor him because he's humoring you). Once this is done have him put on a glove - it's not because he's going to penetrate you, but just so it's obvious to him which hand is the butt hand and which can be used for vaginal/clitoral stim. Now, swear as many oaths as necessary to each other that you will not put anything inside your anus. Nothing. Nada. Not even if it's feeling oh-so-good (at this point you're laughing scornfully, but please try to maintain the possibility that it will feel good, even this time).

Then he's going to stimulate your genitals orally and/or manually or with whatever toys you want. You need to be in a position where he can get at your anus, because when you're feeling good he's going to take a lubricated finger and start rubbing around your anus NOT GOING INSIDE, EVER. Since you've sworn that nothing is going inside you can focus on the feelings, and learn that they don't mean pain or poop is coming soon.

Later, when you enjoy it consistently, and when it even starts to feel good without being coupled with genital stimulation, you can try penetration with something very small after being warmed up externally. Think a little finger to start. Remember - lube early, lube often, and go as slow as you need to. Never grit your teeth and bear it.

Great advice!!!
Yes, relaxation is the key, work alone for awhile with small butt plugs and lots of lube.
I still use a toy prior to actual anal sex with my partner.