The New Intimacy

Bad Etiquette or Rape?

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Contributor: Incendiaire Incendiaire
If anyone has been following the saga of Julian Assange then you'll know that he's been accused of having allegedly had sex with a woman in Sweden while she was asleep, the morning after the pair had previously had consensual sex together the night before. Many places are branding this action as rape, while one British MP has suggested that there was implied consent carried over from what had happened only a few hours prior, and that it was merely "bad sexual etiquette."

My question to you is: if you were in a similar position to that woman, and you woke up to find the person you had been intimate with the night before doing something sexual with you, would it bother you?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
27  (29%)
It would bother me a little and I'd consider it bad etiquette.
49  (53%)
I'd be very upset and deem that to be rape.
16  (17%)
Total votes: 92
Poll is closed
08/22/2012
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Contributor: SimpleHedonist SimpleHedonist
It is not something that would personally bother me, but that said, my sexual boundaries are not everyone's. What could be just good fun for me, could very much be very inappropriate or even rape for someone else. Know your partner and their personal boundaries, and if you don't, don't assume something is OK!
08/22/2012
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
Sounds like a good way to wake up, but one night stands are prone to misunderstandings, so it's probably not a good idea. I don't think it's rape, and scenarios which throw the term rape into gray areas are problematic. I'm not one of those people who thinks it must be "forcible rape" to be rape, rape is rape, but this is the exact sort of thing that confuses people and makes them start to wonder if other things are okay.
08/22/2012
Contributor: Bethy Cassatt Bethy Cassatt
I'd probably say something along the lines of: "Woah woah woah there... I just woke up, what are you up to?"

But I wouldn't call that rape.
08/22/2012
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Sex without consent is rape, but if they had consensual sex the previous night, then slept in the same bed until morning, I think there's enough gray area to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's a complete douchebag for pushing his luck while she was still asleep the next morning, but douchebag does not automatically equal rapist.
08/22/2012
Contributor: panthercat23 panthercat23
I don't see it as rape but it was a bad decision on his part.
08/22/2012
Contributor: Supervixen Supervixen
Sex without consent is rape, but if this situation were between me and my significant other, I wouldn't mind at all; in fact, I'd find it a lovely way to wake up. But if it was between myself and someone I didn't know that well and was just starting to get to know intimately, it might bother me. But other people's sexual boundaries are different, and I don't like the idea of "implied consent." That term can be a slippery slope, and it's tragic when someone feels they were violated in that way, and it's also tragic when someone gets confused over what could honestly seem totally fine, and then they are suddenly labeled a rapist. Not a good situation for anyone...
08/22/2012
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
Not rape, but not cool either (unless she specifically stated beforehand it was OK.)
08/22/2012
Contributor: pirata pirata
i've actually thought about waking up to sexual things before and find the thought arousing. and since i only have sex with my one man, i wouldn't have a problem with it unless i wake up feeling bad or something like that. so just bad etiquette
08/22/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Well, my husband does this and I don't consider it rape, but he's my husband and we have consensual sex quite often. lol If it was a one time deal I might have different feelings on it.
08/22/2012
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
I don't feel upset when my partner does this to me. I like being woken up with sex but it's not for everyone.
08/22/2012
Contributor: SadoMas SadoMas
depends
08/22/2012
Contributor: freud13 freud13
If it was my partner I would be fine with it, but a one night stand? I think I would be very freaked out by that, but I wouldn't stay the night with a one night stand either.
08/22/2012
Contributor: Rawr4483 Rawr4483
It's definitely not rape in my book, but I do think it was bad etiquette on his part.
08/22/2012
Contributor: Bex1331 Bex1331
It wouldn't bother me but it is rape, a person who isn't conscious cannot consent and prior consent does not imply current consent
08/22/2012
Contributor: damnbul12 damnbul12
It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
08/22/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
its not rape... but if it was a one night stand then yes bad etiquette but not rape... now my man can do anything he wants anytime and i'm perfectly fine with that but we're in relationship so thats ok
08/22/2012
Contributor: LAndJ LAndJ
I would consider it rape if they were strangers and she wasn't conscious of it while it happened.
08/22/2012
Contributor: Big&Bald Big&Bald
I am not a female but I would not consider doing that to the partner that I had been with.
08/22/2012
Contributor: Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
It makes me very uncomfortable to wake up and find things being done to my body, even by my husband. That being said, I think there is an implicit level of consent if you're still in bed with someone following consensual sex. So, definitely not rape, but incredibly bad etiquette without having talked to his partner about it before hand.
08/22/2012
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
Sex without consent is rape, but if they had consensual sex the previous night, then slept in the same bed until morning, I think there's enough gray area to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's a complete douchebag for pushing his luck ... more
My answer as well ^
08/22/2012
Contributor: sexfairy sexfairy
If we just met I imagine that it could bother me a little, but since I have a very light sleep I'd wake up as soon as someone would touch me, so that wouldn't be a problem then . If it is my men, I love to be waken up like this!
08/23/2012
Contributor: Jaimes Jaimes
Very bad etiquette, but not rape.
08/23/2012
Contributor: crazycouple7281 crazycouple7281
Bad etiquette, not rape.
08/23/2012
Contributor: pasdechat pasdechat
I'm sort of inclined to say it's rape, but it's a little hazy. Personally, I wouldn't want to wake up to someone having sex with me--even a trusted partner--and maybe the fact that it's just not my thing is clouding my judgement. But I think that with a one-night stand in particular the idea that consent was implied is pretty laughable, and that line of reasoning bothers me--i.e. if you've slept with someone once they have carte blanche to sleep with you whenever they like? It's just hard for me to imagine Assange going into it thinking that this was something his partner was definitely okay with and even wanted.
08/23/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
Sex without consent is rape, but if they had consensual sex the previous night, then slept in the same bed until morning, I think there's enough gray area to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's a complete douchebag for pushing his luck ... more
This is pretty much how I feel.

For me it would depend very much on precisely what I woke up to - petting would bother me a lot less than waking up to full-on PIV sex, for example. Overall I'd probably give someone the benefit of the doubt if I'd been intimate with them a few hours prior, but I'd make it very clear that I prefer to be asked beforehand.
08/23/2012
Contributor: Cat E. Cat E.
It wouldn't bother me.
10/05/2012
Contributor: joelb42 joelb42
If it was with someone you just met it would be odd. If it with someone you have been with many times or for a long time then I would not think that it is that odd. My wife loves it when I wake her up by sticking my dick in her while she is sleeping.
10/05/2012
Contributor: Thumper Logic Thumper Logic
Wouldn't bother me
10/05/2012
Contributor: Moniqua Moniqua
I'd be a little upset I'm sure, but it wouldn't be rape.
10/05/2012