The New Intimacy

Hey, you're an addict! she said.

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Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Some time ago, I was in a different forum and the discussion turned to pornography (not quite sure how, but anyway). People were being pretty mature about it, giving recommendations and anecdotes and whatnot, when one person proclaimed that watching pornography is a strong sign of unhealthy sexual addiction, and that anyone who watches it should seek help. The rest of the forum either gently disagreed or ignored her, which was awesome.

To this day, I can't figure out if she was trolling or just really, really closed-minded or misinformed. But I found the whole deal to be hilarious.

Has anyone else ever heard similar ridiculous and wrong accusations regarding sex? Was it towards you or someone else?
06/15/2011
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Contributor: jc123 jc123
I've seen people post in other forums that people into BDSM were all abused children. I'm sure some were (statistically), but I certainly wasn't.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by jc123
I've seen people post in other forums that people into BDSM were all abused children. I'm sure some were (statistically), but I certainly wasn't.
Oh dear, that's sad that someone thinks that. I'm not into S&M myself, but I wouldn't mind some light bondage someday - doesn't mean I was tied up as a kid.
06/15/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'd call that trolling and judgmental...but that's just me.
06/16/2011
Contributor: Eucaly Eucaly
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Some time ago, I was in a different forum and the discussion turned to pornography (not quite sure how, but anyway). People were being pretty mature about it, giving recommendations and anecdotes and whatnot, when one person proclaimed that watching ... more
A lot of people actually think that, so I suspect not a troll. If I recall correctly, I've seen similar theories spouted on CSI (the TV show) and there are a lot of idiots who take that kind of fiction as fact.
06/16/2011
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Eucaly
A lot of people actually think that, so I suspect not a troll. If I recall correctly, I've seen similar theories spouted on CSI (the TV show) and there are a lot of idiots who take that kind of fiction as fact.
Oh god, CSI... Enjoyable show, terrible psychology class!
06/16/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by jc123
I've seen people post in other forums that people into BDSM were all abused children. I'm sure some were (statistically), but I certainly wasn't.
I brought this up last night at Eden Kink, it was not addressed, but I hear it a lot. Such a close minded viewpoint.
06/16/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I'd call that trolling and judgmental...but that's just me.
.. Me too.
06/16/2011
Contributor: daniel and frances daniel and frances
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Some time ago, I was in a different forum and the discussion turned to pornography (not quite sure how, but anyway). People were being pretty mature about it, giving recommendations and anecdotes and whatnot, when one person proclaimed that watching ... more
I think we all have different opinions and I have often felt judged by my close friends for my openmindedness regarding sex. It's hard to take since I wish they would be more supportive and less judgemental, but all I can do is be who I am and express how I feel and hopefully educate and allow people to see MY point of view which is valid as well.
06/16/2011
Contributor: Spoken Pandora Spoken Pandora
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Some time ago, I was in a different forum and the discussion turned to pornography (not quite sure how, but anyway). People were being pretty mature about it, giving recommendations and anecdotes and whatnot, when one person proclaimed that watching ... more
When I started writing about BDSM in poems and short stories I shared it with my ex. She told me that black women don't do such things and I gave lesbians a bad name, hence why she is now an ex. However her opinion was shared by several women I encountered. It kind of hurt honestly. Now I could care less and write freely. She inspired me to express myself in my erotica writing and to use every opportunity to speak on my kinks/fetishes.
06/25/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I have a bi friend that went ballistic every time he found his boyfriend looking up porn. "He has me - what more does he want??" (He was also raised in a very Baptist household and a lot of it is still ingrained in him - porn is Evil, no matter what your orientation.)

The only time I ever ballistic about my ex-husband looking up porn was when it was the mother-son stuff; thank god he wasn't into kids, but incest is still squiffy to me.
06/25/2011
Contributor: yrnw yrnw
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I have a bi friend that went ballistic every time he found his boyfriend looking up porn. "He has me - what more does he want??" (He was also raised in a very Baptist household and a lot of it is still ingrained in him - porn is Evil, no ... more
I don't know.
I would say I'm against porn per se,
but I really dislike it when my boyfriend watches porn. It does make me feel extremely insecure.
06/25/2011
Contributor: Ava5 Ava5
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Some time ago, I was in a different forum and the discussion turned to pornography (not quite sure how, but anyway). People were being pretty mature about it, giving recommendations and anecdotes and whatnot, when one person proclaimed that watching ... more
yeah I know a psychologist who strongly believes this. he says porn is very unhealthy for men because it gives them unreasonable expectations for sex and women.
08/04/2011
Contributor: brittany8612 brittany8612
my bf said he saw something on the internet where a women claimed that everytime anyone masturbate a kitten dies
i nearly peed my pants laughing
08/04/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by brittany8612
my bf said he saw something on the internet where a women claimed that everytime anyone masturbate a kitten dies
i nearly peed my pants laughing
It's a joke. What is commonly referred to as a 'meme', to be exact. And it's as old as the internet. I first ran across it during my AOL/Pagan Tea House chatroom days. Lord, those people were a blast! Too bad AOL sucks.
08/04/2011
Contributor: averageguyextrodinarypleasure averageguyextrodinarypleasure
People are just judgmental, they automatically assume things are relative because of outward appearances
08/05/2011
Contributor: Envy Envy
This would have been my reaction if someone came in and claimed all that:



But yeah, people judge me because i have a low/almost non-existent libido and all, I get all sorts of things said to me from those who aren't too educated on the matter. Things like I have no self-esteem, no one will want me, I'm not fulfilling my 'duty' as a woman to men, etc. It's really hurtful.
08/05/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
I used to feel seriously insecure when my husband looked at porn, whether it was internet or magazine or a movie. I now realize that it is not a comparison with me, but just like my personal fantasies, just a tool to get excited or get off with. I actually like watching it as much as he does now. There are so many severely judgmental people out there, it is scary. My opinion is - if he is at home watching porn then he is satisfying himself, not out picking up another woman and cheating. (I know guys whose wives are seriously against it, most of those guys are horndogs in public and talk and cheat more than the guys whose wives don't care if their husband has a porn collection.)

Most people here on Eden are not as judgmental and are actually very supportive of each other's quirks, insecurities, fetishes, opinions and lifestyles. This is what makes this place so special, open and helpful. There are assholes everywhere, but I just ignore them and go on with what I am doing.
08/05/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
This would have been my reaction if someone came in and claimed all that:



But yeah, people judge me because i have a low/almost non-existent libido and all, I get all sorts of things said to me from those who aren't too educated on ... more
There is more to a relationship than a 'duty', those people obviously do not have a solid understanding of a relationship which is trust, respect and emotional fulfillment and support. Give it to them!! Both barrels!! 'Duty' is what I pick up in the yard after my dog goes outside.
08/05/2011
Contributor: Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I used to feel seriously insecure when my husband looked at porn, whether it was internet or magazine or a movie. I now realize that it is not a comparison with me, but just like my personal fantasies, just a tool to get excited or get off with. I ... more
^ This.

I like the fact people around here are supportive, it really adds to the place and makes one feel comfortable.

As for the porn thing (forgot to add my own two cents) I am not big on porn, but I like erotica. (Written porn.) When with my ex, he liked drawn porn, so i would find him hentai and other drawn porn for him to read/look at. It didn't bother me, what bothered me was in the end, yes, he cheated.

With the comment of the wives against it and the guys being horndogs and all and more likely to cheat, I don't think that's entirely true. My ex looked at porn, I bought him a lot of toys, we cybered, and he still ended up cheating. So i don't see the correlation too much as how much porn is watched, but maybe the fact the guys just don't like their controlling wives and have no better way of telling her so than to just let things get to a head and then cheat. not to say all do, but I just don't think porn is the factor.
08/05/2011
Contributor: Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
There is more to a relationship than a 'duty', those people obviously do not have a solid understanding of a relationship which is trust, respect and emotional fulfillment and support. Give it to them!! Both barrels!! 'Duty' is what ... more
Hahaha, I know, right? It just sucks because my guy friends who were very honest with me in all 100% truth told me they could never date a girl they couldn't have, or barely would have, sex with. They feel bad for me, and i know they weren't trying to hurt my feelings and they are very supportive, they were just giving an honest answer.

Other guys who were not friends were the ones making the rude, sexist comments.
08/05/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
^ This.

I like the fact people around here are supportive, it really adds to the place and makes one feel comfortable.

As for the porn thing (forgot to add my own two cents) I am not big on porn, but I like erotica. (Written porn.) When ... more
I agree with Goth's "controlling wives" theory. My Man likes porn a lot, (well I like it, too. I've obtained a good deal more than he has, due to my connections and points from Eden.) He's, I guess a horndog, although he knows how to reign it in in public. He can be discreet if he wants.

But, I don't try to control him, nag him, tell him what he can or can't do etc. He's never cheated. (I don't count what we did during our Open Relationship phase as cheating as we were both doing the same things and agreed to see other people) He's a loyal, horny, porn watching, wife loving man. *sigh*

So, I think the whole "controlling wife" thing is going to be more predictive of poor behavior and cheating than watching porn. Many people, men and women, can enjoy pornography in a monogamous relationship. The presence and enjoyment of this entertainment doesn't predispose people to cheating from what I have seen... but the "controlling, nagging wife" situation does.
08/05/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
looking at porn is not cheating, though my ma told me differently for years lol. i have no problem with it and i don't mind if my partner looks at it either. we both understand it's fun entertainment, and i don't think he'll be leaving me for sasha grey in the near future
08/05/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Ms. Spice
looking at porn is not cheating, though my ma told me differently for years lol. i have no problem with it and i don't mind if my partner looks at it either. we both understand it's fun entertainment, and i don't think he'll be ... more
You know she retired, right?
08/05/2011
Contributor: ms.anon ms.anon
Sounds like she was just a very close-minded person. Many people are like that, but you don't usual find them on sex store sites
08/05/2011
Contributor: null null
I, too, have heard the 'evils' of porn. I know of a few people who think that if you enjoy BDSM, you enjoy all pain. Like, if you get hurt accidentally and you're seriously in pain, you're enjoying it, no matter what. O.O
08/05/2011
Contributor: NuclearTeapot NuclearTeapot
People will often demonize and generalize that which they do not understand. For a long time I felt all porn was indeed unhealthy since the men in my family used it to hurt the women around them, mainly derogatory comparisons. Like most cycles, I dated a man that was the same. It wasn't until much later that I could get to a place and realize looking at porn does not equal being a dick and that women look at porn too. All we can do is hope that some point these people will take a deep breath and really look at what scares and upsets them.
08/05/2011
Contributor: Kinkypixie Kinkypixie
Quote:
Originally posted by jc123
I've seen people post in other forums that people into BDSM were all abused children. I'm sure some were (statistically), but I certainly wasn't.
I love the BDSM lifestyle and was never abused as a child. There are a lot of close minded people in the world sadly. Some are more close minded than others but as long as they aren't forcing their opinions onto me then I have no problem with gently disagreeing.
08/07/2011
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
My ex often made the accusation that I was a sex addict. Even though I was faithful to her right up until the divorce.
08/07/2011
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by ms.anon
Sounds like she was just a very close-minded person. Many people are like that, but you don't usual find them on sex store sites
I should have clarified - when I said it was on "another forum," I meant that it was on another site entirely. Which is why I can't remember how the topic came around to porn.
08/07/2011