The New Intimacy

Thing you were told as a child that we just WRONG (in a funny way).

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Contributor: Ellie B Ellie B
When I was a child, my grandmother used to tell me not to sit on public toilet seats because I would get herpes. I believed her for many, many years. Now I just don't sit on public seats to strengthen my leg muscles.

Another good one was that my mother used to tell me not to wear underwear to bed because I would become infertile. I think she was confusing the fact that men wearing briefs to bed will potentially lower their sperm count. Thanks mom, I don't have testicles or a sperm count. Great advice!

What awful advice were you given?
01/14/2011
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Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
My dad used to tell me when I was 10 or so and so proud of my little training bra, that if I wore it to sleep in, my boobs wouldn't grow. Now while that's a popular myth, my reaction was the funny part. I didn't WANT my boobs to grow, so after he jokingly told me that, I wore it to sleep every night for a few years. And seeing as I'm now a 36/38 DD, it clearly didn't work...
01/14/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
"If you've left water on the bedside table overnight, don't drink it the next morning because it'll be icky."

My mother denies ever telling me this, even though I distinctly remember her telling me that when I was five.

"Thunder is God making a strike when He bowls."

My babysitter was a teenage idiot.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
My mom told me the water thing too.
I was also told that if I swallow 100 pieces of gum, my thighs would swell up and explode.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Ellie B Ellie B
These are awesome! It would be fun to publish a book of these, huh?
Sorry for the typo in the subject line.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Ellie B Ellie B
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
My dad used to tell me when I was 10 or so and so proud of my little training bra, that if I wore it to sleep in, my boobs wouldn't grow. Now while that's a popular myth, my reaction was the funny part. I didn't WANT my boobs to grow, ... more
THAT is humor!
01/14/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
I think everyone's heard these, but if you swallowed your gum, it would stay in your stomach 7 years. Or if you use equal you'd get cancer.
01/14/2011
Contributor: fghjkl fghjkl
Quote:
Originally posted by liilii080
I think everyone's heard these, but if you swallowed your gum, it would stay in your stomach 7 years. Or if you use equal you'd get cancer.
To this day, my mom thinks everything causes cancer. When I was a kid, I actually believed her. Like seriously... She'd say stuff like "don't use that lipgloss it contains hvgtgfvgi which causes cancer" or "I'm not buying you anymore fruit roll-ups because they cause cancer"... Really mom?!?
01/14/2011
Contributor: Yoda Yoda
Quote:
Originally posted by Ellie B
When I was a child, my grandmother used to tell me not to sit on public toilet seats because I would get herpes. I believed her for many, many years. Now I just don't sit on public seats to strengthen my leg muscles.

Another good one was ... more
I wouldn't call that toilet seat one bad advice. You may not get herpes from one, but there are other annoying things out there to catch.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Well there's the ever classic "If you hold your face like that it'll stick forever."

I was also told things by my mother just to insult me, make me insecure, and ultimately cry. Like I was cold because I was fat and had poor blood circulation. Or I was too hot because I was fat and the 'blubber' kept me warm. Or the fact that I drank a lot of milk gave me acne.

Thankfully I'm old enough to just tell her to keep her ignorant and hurtful opinions to herself.
01/14/2011
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
My mother used to tell me that if I kept pouting my bottom lip would stay that way. She didn't tell me that a pouty lip is cute, of course. Fortunately I have naturally pouty lips. lol
01/14/2011
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Yoda
I wouldn't call that toilet seat one bad advice. You may not get herpes from one, but there are other annoying things out there to catch.
Actually toilet seats aren't the germiest places in a bathroom. The floor is! So don't go setting your phone, purse, jacket, etc. down on it and think it's clean.

A porcelain toilet seat is actually very inhospitable to most bacteria, germs, and viruses. The only way to catch one of those from it is if there's particulate sitting on the toilet for it to grow on (toilet paper, a seat cover or cushion, or feces) or if you sit down right after someone who carried something and you had an open wound for it to enter. Chances are small that you'll catch something from the seat itself. Just don't touch it with your hands and then follow by touching your private areas or put your hand in your mouth or something. Wash your hands!
01/14/2011
Contributor: Viktor Vysheslav Malkin Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
Quote:
Originally posted by Ellie B
When I was a child, my grandmother used to tell me not to sit on public toilet seats because I would get herpes. I believed her for many, many years. Now I just don't sit on public seats to strengthen my leg muscles.

Another good one was ... more
I was told back in the day that girls had penises but they fall off in due time... who tells a child that lol!
01/14/2011
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
My dad used to tell me when I was 10 or so and so proud of my little training bra, that if I wore it to sleep in, my boobs wouldn't grow. Now while that's a popular myth, my reaction was the funny part. I didn't WANT my boobs to grow, ... more
I remember hearing that as a kid too.

As well as: Eating chocolate or pizza gives you pimples, that different dreams mean different things "will happen to you", that going outside without a coat will make you sick, that walking barefoot will give you pinworms, that if you kill a Praying Mantis you will go to jail... oooh the list goes on and on....
01/14/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by fghjkl
To this day, my mom thinks everything causes cancer. When I was a kid, I actually believed her. Like seriously... She'd say stuff like "don't use that lipgloss it contains hvgtgfvgi which causes cancer" or "I'm not buying ... more
Everything really DOES cause cancer. Just not in all of us. There is something carcinogenic in just about everything these days, however not all of us will fall prey to carcinogens.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
My mom told me a plastic grocery bag was no excuse for a condom. REALLY mom? Who the fuck thought it was? and when was the last time ANYBODY saw a plastic bag with no holes in it? And how could that be pleasant? Those things are so thick!
01/14/2011
Contributor: Boxers Over Briefs Boxers Over Briefs
STDs were never fully explained to me when I was younger, and I thought that having sex outside of marriage spontaneously created infection.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Boxers Over Briefs
STDs were never fully explained to me when I was younger, and I thought that having sex outside of marriage spontaneously created infection.
Infection of the SOUL!
01/14/2011
Contributor: cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
Actually toilet seats aren't the germiest places in a bathroom. The floor is! So don't go setting your phone, purse, jacket, etc. down on it and think it's clean.

A porcelain toilet seat is actually very inhospitable to most ... more
I have also read/heard that toilet paper can actually be more harmful than the seat as well, seeing as you have all kinds of people with dirty hands pulling on it. I always pull the first bit off and then use some. I also squat over the toilet, and I keep my purse off the floor/sink/anywhere.

I hate hate HATE public bathrooms, and I will only use them if I abso- fucking- lutely have to.
01/14/2011
Contributor: cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
My mom told me a plastic grocery bag was no excuse for a condom. REALLY mom? Who the fuck thought it was? and when was the last time ANYBODY saw a plastic bag with no holes in it? And how could that be pleasant? Those things are so thick!
LOL once when I drank a box of wine with my friend we almost fucked and he totally grabbed siran wrap! HAHA good thing we never did end up doing the deed, but we were damn close!

I can't think of anything right now, but I probably will once I go to bed and I'm sitting there thinking about this thread.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by cherryredhead88
I have also read/heard that toilet paper can actually be more harmful than the seat as well, seeing as you have all kinds of people with dirty hands pulling on it. I always pull the first bit off and then use some. I also squat over the toilet, and I ... more
Me too. They are just gross.

To the assholes who make them so gross :
WHY do I have to flush YOUR shit down the toilet you lazy bastard? Or wipe YOUR piss off of the toilet seat. If I pissed on a toilet seat you damn well better believe I would clean it up. If I ever catch you in the act of leaving without flushing you better believe you aren't going any place until that toilet handle has been pushed. THESE are the people swirlies were designed for.
01/14/2011
Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
I remember hearing at a sleepover once that when a boy turns 13 he has a 13 inch hard-on that day. LOL imagine that!
01/15/2011
Contributor: Gallowraven Gallowraven
Quote:
Originally posted by liilii080
I think everyone's heard these, but if you swallowed your gum, it would stay in your stomach 7 years. Or if you use equal you'd get cancer.
I was told that if you swallowed gum it would stay in your stomach forever.
01/16/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by liilii080
I think everyone's heard these, but if you swallowed your gum, it would stay in your stomach 7 years. Or if you use equal you'd get cancer.
I've heard the gum one before, then I thought later that it seemed strange that it wouldn't just keep going on thru, lol
01/16/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I remember being told that if you squish a spider it would rain. And I remember accusing my brother of squishing a spider because it was raining a day I wanted it to not be, lol
01/16/2011
Contributor: HouseWench HouseWench
"Hold this firecracker until I tell you, and then throw it"

well, that certainly didn't work, but when it exploded in my hand, she told me to put my finger in butter to heal it. I am pretty sure that bit of finger got thoroughly cooked
01/16/2011
Contributor: HouseWench HouseWench
Quote:
Originally posted by HouseWench
"Hold this firecracker until I tell you, and then throw it"

well, that certainly didn't work, but when it exploded in my hand, she told me to put my finger in butter to heal it. I am pretty sure that bit of finger got thoroughly cooked
I did have a friend, however, who was convinced until she was like 14 that chocolate milk came from brown cows
01/16/2011
Contributor: cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
I do remember that my grandpa used to tell me there was a whippersnapper in the basement to keep me from getting into shit. There was a noise that the furnace or something made, and every time it came on he'd say "there's the whippersnapper!"

Needless to say I don't particularly care for basements. LOL
01/16/2011
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Crossing my eyes would make them stay like that.. even if i did it for like 5 seconds.

Going out with wet hair will give me pneumonia (I always go out with wet hair and i have never had pneumonia.)

Not being properly dressed will get me a cold. Like not a proper jacket or flip flops in the fall when it is a bit cooler. Mom still tells me this now. i yell "you dont get a cold from the cold you get it from germs!!"
01/16/2011
Contributor: Not here Not here
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
My mother used to tell me that if I kept pouting my bottom lip would stay that way. She didn't tell me that a pouty lip is cute, of course. Fortunately I have naturally pouty lips. lol
I heard that a lot- and I think I might have made mine more pouty than they would've been from all the sad faces I used to make.

My grandmother used to tell me "if you put your elbows on the table, you'll get married before you're able."

Yeah, she was a bit odd...
01/16/2011