The New Intimacy

What do you think I am?

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Contributor: Emma Star Baby Emma Star Baby
So, I've been struggling with trying to understand if I am, indeed, bi-sexual or if I may be lesbian. Why am I having such a hard time figuring it out? Well.. here's why;

Ever since I can remember I've always be extremely attracted to women, everything from their hair to their bodies. I do not find anything weird or off-putting about women. I love the more athletic ones, the more masculine/domme types. And I've had sexual experiences with women and I enjoyed it immensely. But here's the kicker... I love men's bodies as well. Well muscled, firm, tall, broad men. But, I only have an attraction if they keep their pants/underwear on. The moment they're naked all attraction goes out the window and I want nothing to with them.

With women the idea of a strap-on turns me all giddy and excited. With men.. the idea of them thrusting their penis inside of me weirds me out and I don't like the idea.

Also, I've been with 6 women since the age of 12 and I'm 24.
I've been with two males.. in that same period of time.

Thank you all for your votes, opinions, and advice!
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
You're completely bi-sexual
3  (4%)
You're completely lesbian
7  (10%)
You really need to experiment more
17  (24%)
Other, please specify
44  (62%)
Total votes: 71
Poll is closed
11/30/2011
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Contributor: Kkay Kkay
I voted other because I'm uncomfortable with the idea of telling someone else what they are.

You are whatever you identify as. If you identify as bisexual but are uninterested in penises, good for you. If you identify as a lesbian who is physically attracted to males outside of their genitals, ditto.

I can understand the desire for a label that fits. For me, it took a long time to find something that really defined me, and it made me feel less alone to know that there were other people who felt the same way. But sometimes, the broader labels just don't work. It can mean ignoring parts of who you are to try and fit in a box that is just too small to hold the vagaries of human experience.
11/30/2011
Contributor: Chirple Chirple
I said "other" because I don't think you need to worry about putting a label on it. I know labels can be helpful and provide comfort and help easily explain things to other people, but I wouldn't worry.

Sexual identity is also personal. You could call yourself either if you wanted to, and each would be valid. You could say you're a lesbian who appreciates men's bodies to an extent. You could say you're bi, but don't want to go all the way with a man.

Or you could pick a totally different way of describing yourself.

I don't think sexuality is labelled by actions alone or desires alone. It's personal. I mean, just because a female-identified person has had sex with a man doesn't necessarily make them "straight" or "bi" or whatever. Plenty of people who identify as "straight" sometimes have fantasies about the opposite sex - do you see your thoughts about men like that or is it different ?

It's really up to you and how you feel about your sexuality.
11/30/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'll double echo on here.

You just enjoy being with people...no harm in that at all!
11/30/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma Star Baby
So, I've been struggling with trying to understand if I am, indeed, bi-sexual or if I may be lesbian. Why am I having such a hard time figuring it out? Well.. here's why;

Ever since I can remember I've always be extremely attracted ... more
I know it is natural to seek a group to fit in with but it seems you know what you like and are comfortable with your choices and desires. Labels can limit rather than free you....
11/30/2011
Contributor: voenne voenne
You're the only one who can decide who you are, don't ask for anyone else to tell you otherwise. I understand a comfort in knowing who you are and fitting into a "group", but if you're not sure, you don't have to know. You don't have to make a decision. It leaves you free to do whatever you want and not have to analyze it.
11/30/2011
Contributor: Vanille Vanille
Labels suck, end of discussion. When you're hell-bent on trying to label yourself, it frustrates you more.

Coming from me, I have the same kind of deal. Men are attractive from the waist up. For the love of whatever higher power, keep your pants on. I'm not attracted to that.

Now women? Whole shebang. Even getting fucked with a strap-on (so as long it isn't realistic-looking. blech.) by a woman is hot to me.

Moral of the story? I'm out as a lesbian. I'm proud to be so, I'm comfortable in my own skin and males make fantastic friends (and bodyguards!)

Just be you, and go with the flow. Everything will fall into place if you spend less time worrying about it.
11/30/2011
Contributor: switzerland switzerland
i chose 'other' because i also feel like it's definitely not my place to tell you 'what' you are. you are the only person who knows you best. and what sex or gender you prefer does not necessarily define who you are as a person. male or female, love is love. girl, embrace whatever comes naturally to you!
11/30/2011
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
Well it sounds like you are into men and women. Yes, you said in specific circumstances men may not be a turn on, but you also said in some circumstances they are.
12/01/2011
Contributor: PassionQT PassionQT
You know what you like, no need to label it for anyone else's sake.
12/01/2011
Contributor: Zinzai Zinzai
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
You know what you like, no need to label it for anyone else's sake.
Well said.
12/08/2011
Contributor: Gingy Gingy
stop worrying about it and just like what you like, it will come to you in time.
it sounds like you like women more than men though
12/09/2011
Contributor: Jammin14580 Jammin14580
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma Star Baby
So, I've been struggling with trying to understand if I am, indeed, bi-sexual or if I may be lesbian. Why am I having such a hard time figuring it out? Well.. here's why;

Ever since I can remember I've always be extremely attracted ... more
This is something for you to figure out on your own
12/10/2011
Contributor: aroarofthunder aroarofthunder
I've dealt with the same kind of confusion in the past, and really it wasn't until very recently that I came to terms with my sexuality, what it meant in my life, and what I would need sexually. I consider myself homoflexible or queer. I appreciate the term "queer" because it applies to those of us that don't feel like we have found a home in the LGBT or heterosexual or heternormative community. My lines are fuzzy and I exist in a grey zone, and that's okay, and it's okay for you to as well. You don't have to identify in as an extreme on the sexuality spectrum - identify in a way that makes you comfortable, even if that means choosing not to identify at all.
01/20/2012
Contributor: ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
I voted other because I'm uncomfortable with the idea of telling someone else what they are.

You are whatever you identify as. If you identify as bisexual but are uninterested in penises, good for you. If you identify as a lesbian who is ... more
I agree in that it's hard, if not impossible, to tell someone what they are. While I think anyone can appreciate a beautiful body (male or female), there are a whole lot of other issues with this as well.
02/04/2012
Contributor: Nice to Eat you Nice to Eat you
Your making it up as you go along, and that's totally fine. To me it depends on what you want in your life, the great part is that you have the free will to do as you choose, when you choose. How do you feel about playing with guys when their clothes are on?
02/04/2012
Contributor: thelittlestdoc thelittlestdoc
Quote:
Originally posted by ViVix
I agree in that it's hard, if not impossible, to tell someone what they are. While I think anyone can appreciate a beautiful body (male or female), there are a whole lot of other issues with this as well.
Agreed!

If you're uncomfortable with labels, you can always identify as queer (welcome to the club, darling). I think sexual fluidity tends to be downplayed in both the hetero- and homosexual communities. Enjoy what you enjoy and stop worrying about what to call yourself. You're you and that's perfectly wonderful.
02/08/2012
Contributor: FleurDevereux FleurDevereux
I do tell people in my life who understand that yes, I am getting married to a man, yes I love him, yes I have sex with him, yes I enjoy it, that I am a lesbian, but only if I know they will understand without judging me.
Doesn't have to make sense to you or anyone else.
To anyone else, if I have to label, I consider myself queer and proud of it.
If you want a label, I would label you queer, but I can't tell you what you are.
02/10/2012
Contributor: LAndJ LAndJ
I'm really not sure, but I think this is your decision to make. I feel a bit uncomfortable with the labeling here.
02/10/2012
Contributor: mysecretcollection mysecretcollection
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma Star Baby
So, I've been struggling with trying to understand if I am, indeed, bi-sexual or if I may be lesbian. Why am I having such a hard time figuring it out? Well.. here's why;

Ever since I can remember I've always be extremely attracted ... more
I would not even worry about answering this question for yourself. Just love who you feel like you love, and be with who you are attracted to (just keep it safe).

There is no need to put a label on it.

If you feel like you need a label, you are "you", and that is all that matters.
02/12/2012
Contributor: charletnarouh charletnarouh
I echo everything else. No one can tell you whether you're gay or not based on a paragraph or two about you. That has to come from within you and accepting the label as part of who you are is something intensely personal.
02/14/2012
Contributor: Amelia Stone Amelia Stone
I voted other because we're all so focused with labels these days. We as humans will like what we like to take a line from my person idol sexologist Betty Dodson "I am a heterosexual bisexual lesbian" You like what you like. I mean I put bisexual on my sexuality think on here. However I'm getting married to a man. I prefer gay porn. But I love making out with girls and the feel of a woman's body more than a man's. So labels smaibles just love yourself and maybe watch this it's two videos done by Dodson and Ross and I think you might find them helpful. I know I did. Women Turn Me On But I Date Men & At a Loss with My Sexual Orientation Both of these are great. They have a lot more but these two I think will be best other than that you can look more into them.
02/14/2012
Contributor: Madsinner Madsinner
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
I voted other because I'm uncomfortable with the idea of telling someone else what they are.

You are whatever you identify as. If you identify as bisexual but are uninterested in penises, good for you. If you identify as a lesbian who is ... more
This is true. Be whoever you want to be.
02/14/2012
Contributor: oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
Why is it important for you to be completely bisexual or completely lesbian? Really you should just be what you are and not worry about what to call it.
02/16/2012
Contributor: martb40 martb40
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma Star Baby
So, I've been struggling with trying to understand if I am, indeed, bi-sexual or if I may be lesbian. Why am I having such a hard time figuring it out? Well.. here's why;

Ever since I can remember I've always be extremely attracted ... more
The fact that you are grossed out by the thoughts of intercourse with a man would suggest to me that you are more lesbian than bi but not totally so. That you find men physically attractive other than that suggests that maybe you would like butch girls, the strong type.
02/17/2012
Contributor: zecookiepuss zecookiepuss
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma Star Baby
So, I've been struggling with trying to understand if I am, indeed, bi-sexual or if I may be lesbian. Why am I having such a hard time figuring it out? Well.. here's why;

Ever since I can remember I've always be extremely attracted ... more
I feel that so many feel a societal or internal pressure to pick one or the other... don't! If you like girls and you occasionally like guys you are bi but lean towards the ladies more... that's ok... no need to typecast yourself as a lesbian. This is coming from a lesbian lady who only had sex with one guy in her 30s to say she'd done it... I am completely interested in women... and that's ok too.
02/17/2012
Contributor: zecookiepuss zecookiepuss
Quote:
Originally posted by oneeyedoctopus
Why is it important for you to be completely bisexual or completely lesbian? Really you should just be what you are and not worry about what to call it.
My thoughts exactly... well put!
02/17/2012
Contributor: corsetsaurus rex corsetsaurus rex
Pretty much all of the advice above about not needing a label is great. I would also like to add that I was put-off by not just penises, but both kinds of genitalia for years even after having boy/girlfriends. I eventually got over it by focusing on how beautiful the rest of the body looks when the naughty bits are attended to. Now it's all good.

So on top of the other's advice I would like to posit that if it really is important to you to be bisexual the creeped-out-by-penises thing is not that huge a deal. Good luck whatever you decide!
02/27/2012
Contributor: CindyH CindyH
you are the one who needs to decide
02/29/2012
Contributor: MR Chickhabit MR Chickhabit
i think you are a lesbian with heterosexual tendencies.

you appreciate naked women and men in their underwear.

you like what you like, why question it and try to put it into a box?
02/29/2012