My thoughts and feelings...

Flesh is the only thing in my life that is worth living for. Not to be creepy in a fact she needs to be a willing participant in any sexual encounters and is in no way of being used or any sort of shit some men do. But flesh still. Flesh and the act of making love not saying your gonna be to gather at all but just that one moment the true moment of true bliss peace and satisfaction on both sides and the closeness is what the flesh is to me. Women are the reason I still choose not to kill myself or give up on life. You see even with all the abuse and all pains that some malicious women have done to me I still love women. Women are the reason any of us men even try in this world for your mom or for your wife or sister because they drive us and I think there is a need in ones life to seek female companion ship. So when I use flesh don't take it as a degrading manor. But flesh is what drives my life that safe moment were she give you a gift even for a moment to give you that love that passion and trust and safety. That to me is what life and happiness is. The only thing that hurts is this I have never had this flesh in a scene of I never was safe and I never was happy and it and burned. Yet I still cant have that love and flesh. I however will always respect a women not matter what she does to me because they are my reason to live. I still crave the flesh it burns me worse the inability to be able to walk like the rest of society It burns so bad. I hope some day I have a peace of that flesh even for a little while I can deal with being disabled and all of the its issue I can deal with taking pills till my time is up but I cant deal with seeing flesh but never being able to touch it or loving having my flesh touched. The closeness love and caring that moment of that want and need that primal lust that moment of feeling the best you ever have in your whole life that is what I am missing. I do not know how to deal with it the weed helps but it does not fully make my life worth living. Yet I still fight to survive because of that flesh will I ever have it I do not believe so because I am scared I am scared of this world I am so afraid of whats out my door I am trapped in a room were I am rotting in. I but on so many faces I forgot witch one is the real one. My hart is broken but I cant leave I cant leave because I am addicted to flesh. I am sorry if the women got the wrong idea about this I am just writing because right now that is the only way I can make it all be ok and find some form of peace.