The New Intimacy

Has anyone ever done this to you?

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
So I'm a bit ticked off. A friend of mine, who I often shop on EF with when she comes over, came out and told me that I need to stop buying sex toys. She said I have "too many of them". It makes me laugh inside thinking that I do, because honestly, I don't feel that I do. Yes, I have a lot... but it's not like I use each one everyday all the time.

And then I laugh because she probably has as many as I do - just different types. For instance, she prefers vibrators. I prefer glass dildos and certain vibrators... but mostly glass. If any of you talk to me regularly, you'll know that.

So I laughed, and I said whatever, and then I realized she was totally being serious. She even went as far as saying that I "have a problem" because I take part in the online community and I do the review program and buy lots of "assignments" and that I even "mentor" people! She said it's like an addiction and it's sick that we sit around and talk about sex all day... but we really don't! We talk about tons of things.

She's never done any of this because when she buys something it's usually through me. (EX: Here's $100.00, I want the We-Vibe II.) or she goes to an adult store. Nonetheless, I've seen her freaking collection and it might be larger than mine.

Idk I'm just upset that my good friend thinks I have some addiction to toys. I'm quite discreet about them, other than when SHE brings up the topic. (EX: Hey, did you like that Zini Seed? I didn't really like it.) So honestly, I don't know what to say and do about this.

Advice? Stories?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes this has happened to me
7  (7%)
No this has never happened to me
74  (77%)
Other
8  (8%)
A good friend said this
2  (2%)
My parents said this
2  (2%)
Someone else said this (other)
3  (3%)
Total votes: 96
Poll is closed
09/18/2011
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Contributor: Breas Breas
That has never happened to me before, but she sounds a bit jealous? Maybe she wants to take part in the activities too and just went about it the wrong way. Why doesn't she make an account so she can accumulate some points and buy her own stuff (rather than buy through you).. Maybe she'd become just as addicted lol
09/18/2011
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
I've had partners say "do you really need to get another toy?" but they haven't gone so far as to say I have a problem. However I haven't really told anyone about the reviewing and the forum, sp maybe they don't know how obsessed I really am lol
09/18/2011
Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
No, that's never happened to me. My friends actually don't know about my reviewing, and they don't use toys. My boyfriend will sometimes say that I have too many, but that's more teasing than actually thinking I have a problem.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
My wife thinks we have too many - but for her it's a budget problem. She loves trying them and her protests are feigned at best.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
No one has said my collection is too large, but only my husband has seen it. I do want to thin it out a bit.

One good friend of mine surprised me with her reaction though. I told her about Ella and gave her a URL so she could see it and maybe consider buying it. She went to that URL with a friend of hers then told me that her friend was commenting "What IS this site?" like only freaks would shop here. It made me feel terrible.
09/18/2011
Contributor: bluekaren bluekaren
I can't imagine explaining where I got all these toys to some people in my life. I do reviews for products and I always see something new I want. My hobby doesn't hurt anything, and it has enhanced my sex life.
I wouldn't be friends with someone that judged so harshly. The people in my life that know me, know that I am passionate about what I do and would never discourage me!
09/18/2011
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quite a few of our good friends constantly comment on how my husband and I are "freaks" and that we have issues or what have you. We really don't take offense to it because, yeah, we have a lot of sex toys. They all know that if we have a weekend to go out and have fun that a sex shop stop is always on our list of things to do. Sometimes we do that instead of going to dinner and a movie. It's just what we like to do. Our friends are welcome to say nasty comments if they like, but I think that they're just upset that their significant others aren't open to trying new things.

If your friend has just as much as you do but doesn't participate in the community it just might be that she really would like to but has some insecurity that she can't get past that doesn't allow her to. Maybe she's embarrassed to share intimate details online but really wishes she could. Maybe she's envious that you have the courage to do so. Could be anything, but I would just say don't take it too hard because it's really her issue and not yours.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
I don't have a huge toy collection, so there's no complaint in that department. The only thing my husband nags about is the length of time I spent on the forum, which is most of my spare time. He thinks I'm hooked, and I agree 100% without argument!
09/18/2011
Contributor: bdvnt bdvnt
This poll made me actually take stock of my toy collection. As it turns out, I have a LOT of toys. I never really considered the question before. I'm not bothered by it though. I have an active sex life. I'm happy and satisfied. I just don't see the problem.

So, maybe I spend more time with sex toys and this forum than other people, but that time is comparable with the time anyone would spend on a personal interest. I have a friend who is so into video games that it seems his life revolves around gaming. I have another friend who spends every free moment working on his remote control models. Just because my interest is in sex and sex toys, that makes it unusual. Whatever.

I like what I like. If that seems wierd to you, too bad. If that makes me a freak, well, I'm okay with that. At least I don't have problems in my relationships because I'm ignoring my partner.
09/18/2011
Contributor: T&A1987 T&A1987
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I'm a bit ticked off. A friend of mine, who I often shop on EF with when she comes over, came out and told me that I need to stop buying sex toys. She said I have "too many of them". It makes me laugh inside thinking that I do, ... more
This can happen when people spend a lot of time on something "out of the mainstream." watch tv for four hours a day and it's fine, but be online for four hours and you're wasting your life. there isn't a difference in accomplishment, just that one, TV is still more commonplace than the internet (although that won't be the case much longer). Another example, watch four hours of cartoons as an adult: weirdo. Watch a four hour Jersey Shore or Dancing with the stars marathon: normal.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
My boyfriend comments a lot about how I Have a lot and what I'm going to do with them; I usually laugh and tell him that I just don't know! It's my hobby, like reading; some people like video games, I like reviewing sex toys! One's a lot sexier than the other!
09/18/2011
Contributor: Mistress Mandy Mistress Mandy
Pretty much only my husband is aware that I review toys here. A small handful of friends are aware that we (or mostly I) have a few toys but I'm not sure if any of them are aware of the fact that I review them here on EF. I think it might have been mentioned to one or two but it wasn't something either of us has gone into detail about. It's really not something I'm very open about because I know a lot of people we know have a very negative few on toys. Hell I know some people that think using LUBE is horrible and disgusting. I mean seriously, how can you think lube is dirty?
09/18/2011
Contributor: Illumin8 Illumin8
Quote:
Originally posted by Breas
That has never happened to me before, but she sounds a bit jealous? Maybe she wants to take part in the activities too and just went about it the wrong way. Why doesn't she make an account so she can accumulate some points and buy her own stuff ... more
My thoughts exactly.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
As others have said, it sounds like she's jealous of your enthusiasm and of the collection in and of itself. There isn't much to do if you aren't the one starting the conversations or initiating the shopping experience while she's around. I would probably say something along the lines of "if you don't like it, then don't bring it up" kind of thing.

I had to do that with someone I know about her love life. She chastised me for suggesting she find someone new to have a good time with. I ended up telling her that if she didn't want to discuss it then maybe she shouldn't have brought it up in the first place and ask my opinion. It was a non-issue thereafter.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
I've been in a similar situation. Honestly, it's their defense mechanism. It's normally caused either by jealousy - because you're so comfortable with something that make the majority of the population skittish and insecure and because you've found a place to be open, accepted, and part of a special group - or because they feel you no longer fit their idea of "normal" and have moved your interests or priorities away from what theirs are, which generally is a selfish "you should like only what I like and be just like me" mentality.

Either she'll get over it and see that you're no different than you have been, that you're that much more strong, secure, and happy, and that it's not crippling you socially. Or she'll stop wasting her time. Her reaction isn't rational, so don't bother trying to "reason" with her. I'd just give her time.
09/18/2011
Contributor: CafeSabroso CafeSabroso
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
I've been in a similar situation. Honestly, it's their defense mechanism. It's normally caused either by jealousy - because you're so comfortable with something that make the majority of the population skittish and insecure and ... more
I agree with Jen. It doesn't sound so much like jealousy as it does a control issue.
09/18/2011
Contributor: GenderSexplorations GenderSexplorations
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
I've been in a similar situation. Honestly, it's their defense mechanism. It's normally caused either by jealousy - because you're so comfortable with something that make the majority of the population skittish and insecure and ... more
Wonderfully well worded. And basically everything I can think to say is in this post. Well, aside from this:

People can be silly little control freaks and just downright strange. Don't let it get to ya!
09/18/2011
Contributor: Howells Howells
Imho EVERYTHING you spend considerate amount of time with can be entitled as an addiction by some. Maybe it's jealousy or they are trying to sound smart. In particular if you are successful at it, there is nothin to worry about. If you lose money because of it, you lose appetite, you get less sleep and begin to shake, that's when it's an addiction and you should stop. I think we are doing the world a favor by propagating sex toys and stuff like that through many closed minded people. The members on EF already have a good standing but there are waaay to many people who know so little about (their) sexuality, it hurts!
09/18/2011
Contributor: Waterfall Waterfall
I have had a friend tell me that I have too many toys. He doesn't see the reason for all the toys. However, my situation is a bit different because I think he only has 1 toy if any.
09/18/2011
Contributor: mizzmilla mizzmilla
I've never had this happen to me, but the only person who really knows about it is my girlfriend lol
09/18/2011
Contributor: Paladin Fantasys Paladin Fantasys
The best thing about toys is that they won't betray you like humans will. Life is too short to waste pleasure time on those who would have us receive less pleasure or worse. Given your scenario I'd be concerned that she gives you cash to make purchases so that she can keep them more secret, while building up more "exposure" for you, i.e., your purchases plus her purchases look like an artificially high amount of purchases (is any amount really too many?) made by you on "paper".
09/18/2011
Contributor: WierdAl WierdAl
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I'm a bit ticked off. A friend of mine, who I often shop on EF with when she comes over, came out and told me that I need to stop buying sex toys. She said I have "too many of them". It makes me laugh inside thinking that I do, ... more
Sounds like a jelousy issue to me.
09/19/2011
Contributor: Wildchild Wildchild
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I'm a bit ticked off. A friend of mine, who I often shop on EF with when she comes over, came out and told me that I need to stop buying sex toys. She said I have "too many of them". It makes me laugh inside thinking that I do, ... more
When people become jealous of other people they act like assholes. I'm thinking this person is jealous of you, and is pissed because you have nice things and continue to aquire nice things. Sometimes you have to walk away and just say fuck em.
09/19/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
AW! What is up with your loved ones stayin on you about this? Lol. No wonder it upset you. I would tell her that she should do some research on addiction before accusing. Sex toys are impossible to get addicted to. This is a community of tons of things, like you said it's not always sex talk. I like general talk about anything and sometimes sex talk, but I find that with sex talk I run out of things to say quicker. It's not like we're all going at it with our toys while talking about them, taking some pills to stay up late just so we can keep masturbating and talking about it. Lol. I would just tell her that she has the wrong idea of what it is here. I would tell her that you enjoy it because you can do so many things without having to worry about people judging you. Lol. That should get the point across. It honestly sounds like she might be jealous of your collection!? ? ? Lol
09/19/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
AW! What is up with your loved ones stayin on you about this? Lol. No wonder it upset you. I would tell her that she should do some research on addiction before accusing. Sex toys are impossible to get addicted to. This is a community of tons of ... more
Exactly! I think that like 90% of my posts are more about health or just random things like "What did you eat today?". I love the forum, I love the people, and I LOVE the privacy and "family" feeling I get here. I can ask whatever I want and get respected 99.999999% of the time with the answers.

I just don't understand her. Now she's gone and actually talked to another friend of mine about my so-called addiction to sex toys. I seriously do not see an addiction here. Making videos, talking on a forum, writing reviews... There's people on YouTube who make videos for a living! I just do this for fun and the toys are purchased to enhance my sexual relationship with my husband.

I just really feel like I have no where to go at this point! So many family problems! and NOW it's my friends! How can someone be so... close-minded?
09/19/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
I've been in a similar situation. Honestly, it's their defense mechanism. It's normally caused either by jealousy - because you're so comfortable with something that make the majority of the population skittish and insecure and ... more
I've just honestly ignored it. I let her know my reasons.

1. I am not judged in this community. I can ask any question, get an honest answer, and no one knows who I am. (hopefully lol)

2. I want to enhance my sex life. Sometimes, sadly, sex can't do it for both partners. It's no secret, and it's been no secret since the dawn of time. People have always wanted to improve sex. So I found a way, and my husband and I love it.

3. EF is awesome. The prices are GREAT and the shipping is top notch. What more could you want?

I think you're totally right.
09/19/2011
Contributor: shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I'm a bit ticked off. A friend of mine, who I often shop on EF with when she comes over, came out and told me that I need to stop buying sex toys. She said I have "too many of them". It makes me laugh inside thinking that I do, ... more
my old bf told me this but he was cheap and didnt like me spending money on them...besides I think he was jealous!
09/19/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Well in my opinion your friend is just plain RUDE! And how dare she complain about what you do - it's none of her business to dictate what others do with their lives.

On the odd occasion mum has said "Don't you have enough?" when she sees another package arrive. I just say no and that's the end of it. If she says anything else I'll actually tell her to piss off.
What I do is my business and everyone else can butt out.
09/19/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
People know me well enough to know that what they think of anything I do isn't really going to matter to me as long as I'm happy doing it. With that being said, I tend to brush off people that are critical of my choices in what I write, produce etc... There are always critics no matter what you do, you can't get away from that. Most of my very good friends know where my stash is, and always ask me to show them the latest and greatest and ask for tips. I was in my closest with a girlfriend just this weekend making recommends for her.
Don't let it get you down. And the best solution is to stop sharing with her that part of your life. Eventually, I guarantee you, she will ask to be let back in. People say things like that to test your reaction and their control over you. If you don't let them have that, they have no other choice than to accept you if they want to stay a part of your life. JMO!
09/19/2011