Oh Nessa, I have exactly the same thing, but even though my body is a healthy weight I just don't think it's very pretty.

It's tough, because I understand that other people think I'm pretty---I think the worst part is that when people compliment me, my knee-jerk instinct is "they must be lying to try to butter me up"... and then I always have to make myself step back, and say, oh yeah, they see me through different eyes than I do. They really do think [whatever nice thing they said].

I wish I had advice for helping you overcome it---I think it's great that you're on a healthy weight loss program ... but like you say, even when you meet your weight goal you still have to be able to give yourself a chance. It sounds like you're really similar to me, really high expectations and really high standards for yourself?

Oh, I wish I had more advice! Maybe somebody will come to this thread who already has made a bunch of progress, and we can both learn. But for now, you're not alone!

I think hearing it so much from my boyfriend makes me start to believe it. He tells me that I am always beautiful no matter what I'm wearing or look like. He says that there never been a time when he has thought that I wasn't beautiful.

Taking the steps to make yourself healthier is a great first step! I think to avoid the feeling of still being unsatisfied, it might help if your motives and expectations are realistic and healthy.

For example, it's one thing to think, "I'm going to be healthy, I'm going to feel good, and I'm going to look good too!" It's another to think, "I just can't wait to look good!"

When I eat well and exercise, I usually never get more than 20 pounds down. (I sabotage myself and I'm over 30 and I have birthed a couple of kids, but mostly I sabotage myself.) But I find that if I'm working out and feeling good, I have fewer problems with my weight than when I'm being lazy about working out. Does that make sense?

It has taken a very, very long time, two years or so, but I no longer think my boyfriend is lying to me when he tells me that I'm pretty.

I'm not quite yet totally loving myself (other than in the orgasmic way every night...), but I don't think he's got some ulterior motive anymore.

I think that's an important first step. You don't have to love yourself 100% on the first day, that's unreasonable to expect. If you've been together for awhile, it's easier. Maybe explain how you feel about yourself to him, then ask him, every time you see him, why he thinks the way he does, or what about you he finds beautiful/gorgeous/app ropriate adjective. He'll get in the habit of doing it, and, at some point, you'll start believing him, and maybe even seeing some of the things he does. That's the first step.

It does take work, though. For both you and your boyfriend.

This is a really hard feeling to have. I have also had this. I feel like I often take things wrong when people try to compliment me and it often makes me feel worse. I'm working on this, though. I have learned that some people truly do love you no matter what. Some people either have attractions that are not the "norm" in society or they are able to look past these norms and find beauty in their own way.

changing things about oneself does not necessarily make the thoughts and feelings go away. It's a difficult task that takes time and patients sometimes the change is not the solution

Nessa, when you "can't wait for (goal)" you are already starting the sabotage. Life flies by while you are waiting, then when you do finally obtain that goal, you aren't happy. It is not magic. The magic comes from inside you. I have dealt with this issue most of my life and over the last couple of years I have finally crawled out of the "can't wait" or "when this happens, then I can" & learned to stop the sabotage. When you set a goal that is to make you happy when it happens, weight, then you also give yourself subconcious permission to not be happy until then. You also tend to make that goal a magic pill and when the magic pill doesn't work, you fall back into old habits and tear the goal apart since it did not make you happy, (put weight back on).

What I learned to do was simple, but very hard work at the same time. I had backslides and had to work even harder to get my progress back, but it has been working and I hope some of it can work for you as well. I will be your confidence buddy if you need one or want me to, just message me. You are lucky to have someone that is on your side and is positive for you, I have someone who tears me down and tries to undo my work on myself because that person is threatened by it.

Answer these questions -honestly from deep inside yourself- in a notebook.
1. What is my favorite physical feature?
2. What is my least favorite feature?
3. What do I get the most compliments on?
4. What are my inner strengths?
5. What are my biggest weaknesses?
6. How can I learn to live with my weaknesses?
7. How can I use my strengths to overcome the weaknesses?
8. Why do I think that -pick you top 3 goals- will make me happy?
9. If I do not meet these goals, how does that change who I am as a person? Why?
10. How can I bring out my positive assets, both physical and personality, to let them dominate?
11. What are alternatives to your goals that would allow you to accept who you are?

12. Why do you feel you do not deserve to be happy, how can you work on those issues?

I do this every month now, I used to do this weekly. I also really enhanced what I liked about myself to the point where I did not think about the factors I did not like as much. I now realize that no one can like or love me unless I like or love myself. I will sabotage them (by putting myself down). When they hear all the negatives, it erodes the positives. I wish you luck and really sympathize with you-I have been and am there a bit as well, but it has gotten so much better. Hope some of this helps you as much as it has helped me. "Grab all of the good in yourself and let it shine-the light will eventually make the dust bunnies fade."

I have to remind myself to just be nice to myself and to let others be nice to me too. I think it's so easy to find flaws in ourselves, especially when we're peppered with images of people who are airbrushed. You could try writing yourself affirmations about the things you do like about yourself and putting them places you will see them (i.e. Your mirror).

I blame society. Society tells us that we have to fit this very specific mold in order to be beautiful, and I say F*** that! It does take awhile to say this, though.

I know I've felt this way, "Who the heck would be attracted to this lanky, fat, albino who smokes too much?"

...then I realize "Someone will."

If confidence is the sexiest thing, lack of confidence must be the opposite. So I make it point to mid-line it - it is what it is.

I think every one goes through this and its kinda a constant thing. Just keep your head up and listen to your bf he knows what his talking bout! I know for me at least that one day i will have that same feeling so i make my self get up put on a little makeup and something that shows off my best features and it makes me fell better. And as bad as this sounds i love when i can catch someone else besides my bf checking me out i love it!!! Don't get me wrong i love hearing it from my bf and i love catching him check me out but there is just something different about it when its not some one that loves you.... I think that a lot of these issues stem from social media and society if you went back in time and looked at what people though was attractive compared to today its astonishing!!! Art itself shows that if you look at paintings from the Renascence those girls were not the toothpicks of today and that's because a healthy girl was one with some meat on her bones it was a sign of beauty and wealth.

Everyone goes through this at one time or another, don't put so much pressure on yourself. I would make a list every night of at 5 positive things about myself, corny, but it worked