The New Intimacy

I feel pretty hurt...

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Well, for years my husband and I have had to shut up about our use of sex toys because my parents didn't find it acceptable. The other night I was looking through my mum's closet for some masking tape and BAM! Right there in front of me is a dildo and a clit vibe. I feel really hurt that they would lie, and hurt that they singled me out when they were doing the same thing.

Would you feel upset?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes
Sex'и'Violence , Naughty Student , ToyGurl , kinky girlfriend , Miss Anonymous , sexyintexas , Howells , Wild Orchid , froggiemoma , ZenaidaMacroura , Peggi , Angelica , ss143 , PussyPurr , El-Jaro , Ms. Spice , Kkay , Nissa Nissa , Nothere , Sohotdinosaur , Yaoi Pervette (deleted) , GenderSexplorations , caligaliber , pinkcupcakes , s<3x , Wildchild , SaMiKaY , CafeSabroso , EvilHomer , Errant Venture , slynch , DeliciousSurprise , emiliaa , Ryuson , padmeamidala , P'Gell , Bignuf , Sunshineamine , Lucky21 , Pink Jewel , PiratePrincess , toxie m , dv8 , mcl272 , M121212 , Beck , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) , EJ , Liz2 , Illumin8 , haley730 , ToyBoy , Ash1141 , Pandahb , The Curious Couple , aliceinthehole , LaLaLouise , Lummox , Badass , T&A1987 , wrmbreze , Zombirella , Curiouscat , Snozzberries , BobbiJay , karay123 , Cherrylane , Rin (aka Nire) , OroNomi , Apirka , TheSinDoll , romstomp , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , Lilith Bealove , ECU Pirate , GONE! , Kithara , Undead
78  (84%)
No
Ansley , Sir , JessCee , Ghost , Choolz , married with children , Gunsmoke , Beaners , KyotoAngel
9  (10%)
It depends
shySEXXaddict , RonLee , K101 , Silverdrop , BuckeyeGal04 , LowFreqFreak
6  (6%)
Total votes: 93
Poll is closed
09/09/2011
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Contributor: Starkiller87 Starkiller87
Buy your mom a vibrator and hand it to her, and say because I seen yours and it sucks. And just see how she reacts. That is what I would do. I wouldnt say anything other than that before that.
09/09/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
If that's the case, that's pretty ridiculous. Could it be the other way around though, that her finding out about you using them sparked curiosity and later down the road she picked one up?
09/09/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Sex'и'Violence
If that's the case, that's pretty ridiculous. Could it be the other way around though, that her finding out about you using them sparked curiosity and later down the road she picked one up?
Well it's like this. She KNOWS I've used them since I was living at home. Several times she threw them out saying "blah blah blah god doesn't like this" and "this is so trashy". So I stopped using them until I moved out. She would still ask me from time to time to stop using them because she would see a cardboard box from EF or something and she would suspect it was carrying sex toys. She was always lecturing me about how it's not ladylike and how we are only meant to have sex, not masturbate, etc.

So going to her house and finding the toys just makes me upset. My sister just called me and said she found even MORE in a box. So it's like they've been accusing me of things they have been doing for a long time (both parents).
09/09/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Well it's like this. She KNOWS I've used them since I was living at home. Several times she threw them out saying "blah blah blah god doesn't like this" and "this is so trashy". So I stopped using them until I moved ... more
I know it's something they've been doing for a while because of the toys and the dates on the boxes.
09/09/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Starkiller87
Buy your mom a vibrator and hand it to her, and say because I seen yours and it sucks. And just see how she reacts. That is what I would do. I wouldnt say anything other than that before that.
Believe me I want to...
09/09/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I would be upset. It's very hypocritical.

I am sort of a calm compassionate and peaceful person so I would get upset at first and then sort of reason out my emotion. I would reason my thoughts out to see how useless it is to feel upset about it. But I would confront my mother about it.

I would ask why she was so disapproving of toy use if she had her own. Why did she feel she had to reinforce the sense that being sexual and proactive in acquiring sexual pleasure is bad/inappropriate/shou ld be frowned upon and judged.

I would wait and see for her response. If she says that she used to disapprove but now is more open, I would have gotten upset for nothing if I let my emotions/thoughts overpower me. I would have looked pretty stupid too, lol. If she pretends she knows nothing about toys in her drawer, etc, then I would feel sorry for her that she is ignorant and I would feel compassion for her.

I am very analytical, lol. I meditate a lot and sort of hold a Buddhist-ic perspective on life events. It helps maintain peace and little to no stress in my body. I love a calm body empty of stress, it is a healthy body.

Good luck with what ever you plan to do hun
09/09/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I wouldn't be upset at all, because my parents are known for nothing if not their hypocritical behaviors. My mom found porn in my room and told me she took them out of my drawer. A week later, I find them in her room and some of the pages are dog-eared. I wasn't pissed. I wasn't hurt. I laughed. She just wasn't ready to admit I was an adult and had needs, more to the point that I was an adult with needs and knew how to fulfill them. I just learned to hide my stuff better.
09/09/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Well, for years my husband and I have had to shut up about our use of sex toys because my parents didn't find it acceptable. The other night I was looking through my mum's closet for some masking tape and BAM! Right there in front of me is a ... more
well maybe it bothered her knowing or coming across some of your toys if that was the case she should have worded her feelings better like I'm uncomfortable finding your sex toys or I just don't want to have any idea about my children and their significant others sex life I want it to be hidden or something like that.
09/09/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Well it's like this. She KNOWS I've used them since I was living at home. Several times she threw them out saying "blah blah blah god doesn't like this" and "this is so trashy". So I stopped using them until I moved ... more
just say "NO mom YOU don't like it and you're not God don't judge me. is it possible she feels guilty about her own sex toys for some reason and is taking her feelings out on your life? She is being very invasive and its totally inapropriate your mother is digging around trying to find sex toys to throw away everyone needs to respect each and if she choses not to back off well I don't know keep throwing comments back at her. Tell her to grow up and stop being a hypocrite. maybe you can scare her and say throw away all my sexs toys I'm going to get fucked by someone new every night maybe then you will let me have my vibrator unless you encourage STD's

everytime she is on you about sex toys say something to repulse her like yea I got fucked in the ass last night and some shit came out. sorry mom one of your shirts was on the bed and well I had dirreah on it.
09/09/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
just say "NO mom YOU don't like it and you're not God don't judge me. is it possible she feels guilty about her own sex toys for some reason and is taking her feelings out on your life? She is being very invasive and its totally ... more
maybe you can keep your recipts and take some kind of legal action

if u dont live with her tell her when she comes over she has to stay outside because she can't keep herself from stealing your personal stuff.
09/09/2011
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
I didn't vote on your poll. I just find it odd that your mom has such big reactions about your using toys, particularly when she has her own stash. Maybe she's just doing her motherly duty, believing that's the way a good traditional mother should behave? If I'm in her position, I won't comment on my grown daughter's usage of toys, especially when I have my own pile.
09/09/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
I wouldn't be upset. They're my parents, it's not my place to know what they do. On the other hand, I wouldn't care whether they like what I engage in or not. I am into many things that they're not, and though they don't agree with it, it's not as if I'm going to stop it. I know that nothing that I am doing is wrong, and that's all that matters to me.
09/09/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
I would be upset at them condemning you for something that they themselves do...especially because you are an adult and you have the choice to make. I may also do like Starkiller says and buy her a dynamite vibe...one that will knock her socks off!!!
09/09/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I wouldn't be upset. They're my parents, it's not my place to know what they do. On the other hand, I wouldn't care whether they like what I engage in or not. I am into many things that they're not, and though they don't agree ... more
yea tell her your not going to stop no matter if she tries forever tell her if its not my vibrator its my husband or his finger banging LOL maybe if you are explicit she will stop
09/09/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
I wouldn't do anything until you have worked through the feeling of betrayal and the anger that follows. There are a couple of ways this could be handled appropriately and calmly. If you are able to talk openly to each other then I would just tell her that you feel hurt by the comments she has made on your personal sexual choices and you feel that your decisions regarding what you choose to do should remain private, between you and your partner. Tell her you found her items and while you understand that those are private and personal you feel that being judged for own purchases of like items was unfair and unjust. Then agree to let your private sexual lifes remain so and that both of you will drop the subject. Permanently. Or if you do not have an open relationship, then I would not flaunt the boxes, but also would not take as much care hiding them when I knew my mom would be around. If anything is said then I would just calmly tell her that her comments are very hurtful and hypocritical coming from someone who also enjoys her own personal items. Then tell her to please permanently drop the subject because you love her and do not wish to create any further problems by discussing such a personal private matter. I don't know, this is what I would do after I calmed down. Get the issue in the open and agree to table it, agree to disagree type solution.
09/09/2011
Contributor: JessCee JessCee
My mom is pretty hypocritical.. she does a lot of things that she wouldn't want me doing, so I'm used to that and at this point I just see it as one of those "Do as I say not as I do" kind of things. So I wouldn't be upset because I truly believe she was only trying to make me a good person... but with all that being said, I don't think it's right either.
09/09/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I wouldn't do anything until you have worked through the feeling of betrayal and the anger that follows. There are a couple of ways this could be handled appropriately and calmly. If you are able to talk openly to each other then I would just ... more
yes talk camly and openly a few times if she doesn't quit make smart ass comments like God told me he doesn't like that brand of lube your using it causes cancer. you can't use a vibrator God told me you're going to Hell for it. oh you know that cucumber that was in the fridge? I took a 2 second ride on it becaue I told you how I felt a nd you still aren't respecting me so I'm glad you ate it.
09/09/2011
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
yes, I would be a little upset about it.
09/09/2011
Contributor: shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Well, for years my husband and I have had to shut up about our use of sex toys because my parents didn't find it acceptable. The other night I was looking through my mum's closet for some masking tape and BAM! Right there in front of me is a ... more
I dont know if id be hurt...they probably just dont want you being "kinky" or to think of you that way.you know what I mean....the thought of your child having sex alone let alone with toys is something most parents dont want to think about.Its like thinking about your parents doing it....its just something you dont want to think about or accept...even though its natural
09/09/2011
Contributor: ss143 ss143
I'd be a bit upset- but always remember to do what feels right to you even if your parents aren't supportive or are being hypocritical
09/09/2011
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Heck that's just part of the parent/child relationship. I wouldn't approve of my eighteen year old child doing many of the things that I'm still "proud" of having done.
Hypocritical, yes!
Just the way it is.

Uh just a bit of unasked for advice, do what you want and don't tell them about it.
09/09/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
i'd be kind of pissed, especially when they are holding you to standards that they themselves aren't holding themselves to. honestly, buy her a nice vibe and tell her it's because the one you saw is just not that great lol
09/09/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
You're an adult, and it's really not for your parents to try and control your life. If she's noticing boxes at your home and criticizing you for them, I would personally find that inappropriate.

For me, I'd wait until the next time she started on a lecture, and bring up the hypocrisy as part of firmly telling her that you're an adult, it's your life, and this is one area where her opinions are neither welcome nor desired.
09/09/2011
Contributor: Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Well it's like this. She KNOWS I've used them since I was living at home. Several times she threw them out saying "blah blah blah god doesn't like this" and "this is so trashy". So I stopped using them until I moved ... more
When I read your first post, I wasn't sure how I would feel. However, I can see why you're upset after reading this.

I cannot understand why parents do this sort of thing. They tell their children that it is not okay to do things that they themselves do. The only hypothesis I have for this behavior is parents (such as your mother) are a little embarrassed or ashamed of what they are doing. I could be wrong.
09/09/2011
Contributor: GenderSexplorations GenderSexplorations
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Well it's like this. She KNOWS I've used them since I was living at home. Several times she threw them out saying "blah blah blah god doesn't like this" and "this is so trashy". So I stopped using them until I moved ... more
Wow, that sounds intensely hypocritical of her. Talk about not practicing what you preach! If it were me I'd confront her.
09/09/2011
Contributor: Ghost Ghost
I wouldn't have cared in the first place.
09/10/2011
Contributor: Choolz Choolz
I wouldn't have cared at all to begin with. It's your sex life, you do what you want and how you want it. Their opinion on what you do sexually should not affect you in any way, shape, or form. Nor should it even phase you what they do!
09/10/2011
Contributor: Wildchild Wildchild
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Well, for years my husband and I have had to shut up about our use of sex toys because my parents didn't find it acceptable. The other night I was looking through my mum's closet for some masking tape and BAM! Right there in front of me is a ... more
I feel for you. Remember you aren't the hipicrit and you have been honest from the get go. Alot of ppl look down at others for things they feel are "wrong" yet behind closed doors there doing the same things.
09/10/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Oh my! After reading your post and comments here Secrettoylover, I totally understand how you would be upset. I would probably feel terribly hurt. I will tell you something, not all christians believe that way. Funny, my partner and I were just discussing something similar last night. God NEVER said sex was not something women should enjoy. & Here is what I tell EVERY person who says something about women using toys "The clitoris is the ONLY part of the body that has absolutely no purpose what so ever except for pleasure!" See, God did have us in mind and he didn't mean for us not to enjoy sex just as much as men. You know, years ago freud came up with this load of shi* that women who really love their husbands will "transfer" their pleasure from the clitoris to the inside of their vagina during sex! WTF?! Seriously?! I'm not even going to get fired up...

Back to the subject. God did not that hole for men only! He meant for us to enjoy it to. It even says in the bible that a man should do his part in pleasing his wife sexually. I do not know where people get the idea that God is against sex and toys for women and that our cooters were only made for a menstrual cycle, a penis and giving birth. That is so not true. A while back my partner was telling me someone we used to be friends with told his wife that he refused to give her oral sex from there on out because it was a sin! Can we say excuses? Lol. I have studied the bible my entire life and while I'm not the best christian and do not know everything, I am positive that sex toys and women enjoying sex or masturbating is not a sin.

If it were me in your situation I would firmly tell my mother that if she wanted to mantain any kind of relationship with me then she should stay out of my personal business and worry about other things. It's not like you can become addicted to toys, they don't make you incapable of driving! Lol. Why such a fuss over that? I do not understand that. Even more, I don't understand her judging and condemning you when she has toys too. That is mean. I would cut her off everytime she tries hounding you about it. I would say, I'm done mom, I have plans. & I would blow her off like that (not cruelly, but firm) every time she brought it up. I hope you don't believe that God doesn't like the toy thing. I have a relationship with God and he's never told me not to use them.
09/10/2011