SEX JOKE : WARNING!!!!

SEX JOKE : WARNING!!!!

Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."
08/01/2012
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ejrbrndps ejrbrndps
haha
08/01/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Anyone else have any jokes to share??
08/01/2012
Ansley Ansley
Loooove it! Thanks for sharing!

All of my sex jokes are um, rather tasteless. hehehe
08/01/2012
sktb0007 sktb0007
lol! I like this one! I'm going to tell my partner this when he gets home lol
08/01/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
"Conservatives say teaching sex education in the public schools will promote promiscuity. With our education system? If we promote promiscuity the same way we promote math or science, they've got nothing to worry about. "
~Beverly Mickins
08/01/2012
ghent529 ghent529
hahahah!!!
08/01/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
~Butch Hancock
08/01/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....And she's always sound asleep."
08/01/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
Hahaha, I don't have any, but I'm following this thread in case anyone posts any other good ones!
08/01/2012
Gracie Gracie
Airen Wolf you are one funny lady! Than you for making me laugh today! Keep 'em comming!
08/01/2012
funluvinmama funluvinmama
funny. needed a good laugh today.
08/02/2012
interestingstuff interestingstuff
Have you heard that talk of men becoming obsolete and females only left on Earth? Well I thought, too bad, there won't be any men to enjoy all the lesbian porn then.
08/02/2012
GenderSexplorations GenderSexplorations
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."
Hah! Wow. That's definitely something special.
08/02/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by interestingstuff
Have you heard that talk of men becoming obsolete and females only left on Earth? Well I thought, too bad, there won't be any men to enjoy all the lesbian porn then.
ROFL That would be a SHAME!
08/03/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
OK now this is a long one.....

A man is about to jump off London Bridge when he hears a voice behind him. It's Santa Claus.
"Why do this? It's Christmas Eve?" Santa says.
"Because I've lost my job," the man answered, "My wife has left me, and I have no presents for the kids."
"Ah, I can grant you 3 wishes," replied Santa, "So when you get up tomorrow your job will be there, your wife will be waiting for you, and there'll be presents for the children."
"Oh Santa - however can I repay you?" Gasped the man.
"Well - not a lot of people know this," came the reply, "But old Santa is gay, you could bend over for me, the elves aren't much good at it."
"Dunno 'bout that," the man said.
"Oh, go on," Santa urged, "After all - I granted you 3 wishes, don't be so ungrateful."
"Ok," the man sighed, as he unzipped his trousers.
Santa did the biz and when he finished the man pulled his trousers back up.
Santa looks at the man and asks "How old are you?"
"47," came the reply.
"What? And you still believe in Santa Claus?"
08/03/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
A Girls First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?
08/03/2012
bedorerc bedorerc
funny, funny.
08/03/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
A Girls First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had ...
Loooooooove it!!!!!!

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know.

The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.

The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.
08/03/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Loooooooove it!!!!!!

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a ...
You know if the husband knew...this was perfect revenge!
08/03/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
You know if the husband knew...this was perfect revenge!
Oh for sure! Hence the "quickly agreed".
08/03/2012
Mikemanz Mikemanz
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."
funny!
08/03/2012
Mikemanz Mikemanz
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I ...
that's funny!!
08/03/2012
Mikemanz Mikemanz
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Loooooooove it!!!!!!

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a ...
HAHAHA!!!!
08/03/2012
Mikemanz Mikemanz
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
OK now this is a long one.....

A man is about to jump off London Bridge when he hears a voice behind him. It's Santa Claus.
"Why do this? It's Christmas Eve?" Santa says.
"Because I've lost my job," the ...
that's good!!
08/03/2012
Sir Sir
These all gave me a good laugh. Very nice.
08/03/2012
TrenchcoatHunters TrenchcoatHunters
All of these are pretty good ones xD

-Ash
08/03/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
I Shot The Dog

A women was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.

So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHOOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
08/04/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
This couple comes to a new town and the guy gets a job at the local pickle factory. A few years go by and each year he wins the employee of the year award. One day in the 3rd year, he comes home looking all depressed.

His wife asks him what the matter is, to which he responds that he got fired.

"FIRED?!? How can you get fired, you're always employee of the year!!" she asked, stunned.

To this he responds that he had another fantasy that he needed to fulfill and it got him fired...

"Oh no, not again...What did you do this time?" she asks.

"Well, I always fantasized about sticking my willy in the pickle slicer," He admits sheepishly.

"You didn't!" she hoped.

He blushed and replied, "Well, yes I did."

Then she asks, "Did it hurt?"

"No no really," answers the man.

Puzzled she then asks, "Well what happened to the pickle slicer??"

He answers, "Oh, *she* got fired too!"
08/04/2012
Errant Venture Errant Venture
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."
I've heard that before, but it's still a good one .
08/04/2012
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