The New Intimacy

Interracial dating

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Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I know this could be a sticky issue, but I hope everyone can be cool with it.

Not only is there an age difference between Cyn and I, there's also ethnicity too. I'm about as white as a bleached grain of rice in the middle of a snow storm and she's first generation whose parents are from China. Strangely enough, we don't even think we're an interracial couple until it gets pointed out to us or we remember. We're just a couple of crazy fools in love with each other.

I'm sure our situation isn't like others out there. I think the most accurate term to use would actually be ethnicity over race (we're all human).

Do you have any experience in this arena?
07/06/2010
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Contributor: kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I know this could be a sticky issue, but I hope everyone can be cool with it.

Not only is there an age difference between Cyn and I, there's also ethnicity too. I'm about as white as a bleached grain of rice in the middle of a snow ... more
Yep. I'm Latina and my boyfriend is as white as a bottle of Elmer's glue.

We, too, are just a couple of crazy kids in love. I'd say the difference in ethnicity isn't a big deal; it's most noticeable when we're talking about our childhoods/how our parents raised us (different values in different cultures).

The times when I'm most aware of it is when I think about raising kids. I know my partner will be a great dad. I'm just worried that my kids won't value my culture, which I desperately want to pass on.
07/06/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
That's the same way here too. We were raised in VERY different types of households. I thought the look on her face the first time I told her I didn't have any rice was sooo funny!

"How could you NOT have rice!?!" She said.
"I have a little bit of instant rice mix", I offered.
"That's not rice!"

We've talked about kids here and there and have come to the conclusion that they're going to be different anyway (with us as parents), we'll just instill them with our values and not the traditional ones we were raised with...unless they fit us too.
07/06/2010
Contributor: kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
That's the same way here too. We were raised in VERY different types of households. I thought the look on her face the first time I told her I didn't have any rice was sooo funny!

"How could you NOT have rice!?!" She ... more
Hehe, that's a cute story

And yes, valid point. I know our kids will be different, too. It's just that I know my heritage and culture have really shaped the way I view the world. In my life, I believe that my culture has really gone beyond observing traditions. I've lived in my country before, and that did incredible things for my senses of appreciation and understanding, especially at an early age. I know because of this that I just think about things differently (not for better or worse, necessarily). It's also to do with being a minority in the US. It's hard for even me to explain what I want to pass on, but it really does worry me that maybe I won't be able to.
07/06/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
That's the same way here too. We were raised in VERY different types of households. I thought the look on her face the first time I told her I didn't have any rice was sooo funny!

"How could you NOT have rice!?!" She ... more
How could you not have rice?
07/06/2010
Contributor: sarahbear sarahbear
I'm very fair skinned and white and my husband has dark brown skin, hair and eyes. People -always- think he's Mexican and he's had people do a double take when he speaks because they expect a Spanish accent. No one has ever made any comments (to our faces) about thinking we're an interracial couple and I haven't noticed any sideways glances or anything.

I dated a lot of different races of guys when I was in high school, growing up in a military town with a pretty big melting pot for a school. It's never been a big deal to me.
07/06/2010
Contributor: kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by sarahbear
I'm very fair skinned and white and my husband has dark brown skin, hair and eyes. People -always- think he's Mexican and he's had people do a double take when he speaks because they expect a Spanish accent. No one has ever made any ... more
...mreh. You know, not all Mexicans have dark brown skin, hair, and eyes.
07/06/2010
Contributor: Andromeda Andromeda
I've never had this issue, really, as all the guys I've dated have either been Latino/Hispanic or white, and I'm both. Really, even if you wanted to get technical and break down what countries their families were originally from, chances are someone on my mom's side of the family was from there, however many generations ago, lol.

My prom date was Asian, and even though everyone insisted we must've been dating (totally just friends, though), no one made a big deal out of it. While I'd like to think most people don't care anymore, I sadly know that isn't true. I have the bigoted neighbors to prove it.
07/06/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I know this could be a sticky issue, but I hope everyone can be cool with it.

Not only is there an age difference between Cyn and I, there's also ethnicity too. I'm about as white as a bleached grain of rice in the middle of a snow ... more
I'm sort of in the same boat regarding age and ethnicity. My partner is Jamaican (a mix of African, Chinese, and Indian [of the India variety]), so his skin is pretty dark (he could easily pass as black), and I'm whiter than Dracula on a good day.

I thought it would have a major impact on our relationship, but I don't even notice it most of the time. We do get some strange looks in good ol' 90%-Anglo-City, USA, but I'm past caring about the critics.
07/06/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I'm white and my boyfriend is part Native American. That is the closest I've gotten to interracial dating. I have slept with all white and one semi-Asian, and maybe dated one semi-spanish (he was adopted). It's not that I'm not attracted to other ethnicities or races, I think I just haven't liked one enough to date them. I don't have a problem with it, but it apparently isn't for me.
07/06/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I'm white and my boyfriend is part Native American. That is the closest I've gotten to interracial dating. I have slept with all white and one semi-Asian, and maybe dated one semi-spanish (he was adopted). It's not that I'm not ... more
Im pretty similar. I'm German and actually a little Cherokee, though you wouldn't know it by looking at me - blonde, blue eyes, and damn near translucent skin. A good portion of my boy's ancestry is Seminole, and he has the dark (and beautiful) hair and tanner skin to show for it. This is as close to interracial as I've gotten though, simply because where I grew up was almost entirely white and I haven't spent that much time out of that area. I have nothing against it, the opportunity just never presented itself, I suppose.
07/07/2010
Contributor: sarahbear sarahbear
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
...mreh. You know, not all Mexicans have dark brown skin, hair, and eyes.
Really? That's so shocking! I assumed everyone of a certain race looked exactly the same.

Yes, I know not all Mexicans have those features. Some do though, thus the general reaction of people towards my husband when they first meet him.
07/07/2010
Contributor: kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by sarahbear
Really? That's so shocking! I assumed everyone of a certain race looked exactly the same.

Yes, I know not all Mexicans have those features. Some do though, thus the general reaction of people towards my husband when they first meet him.
I wasn't insinuating that you were ignorant of the fact that not everyone of a certain race (or ethnicity in this case, as Latino is not a race) looks the same.

But I took a little offense to the way you worded your comment. Instead of bad-mouthing you, I decided to just simply state that such generalizations do not hold up. Besides, there are plenty of other races/ethnicities that have dark skin/hair/eyes. So, why Mexican?
07/07/2010
Contributor: sarahbear sarahbear
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
I wasn't insinuating that you were ignorant of the fact that not everyone of a certain race (or ethnicity in this case, as Latino is not a race) looks the same.

But I took a little offense to the way you worded your comment. Instead of ... more
I have no idea why other people always assume he's Mexican. I've never asked them. I was simply contributing my experiences to the discussion. I don't see anything offensive about my comment, nor a reason to 'bad mouth' me, considering I was talking about how other people reacted to my husband's appearance. I also didn't suggest that there was anything wrong with being Mexican, just that people were surprised when he tells them he isn't or doesn't have a Spanish accent/speak Spanish.
07/07/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Actually, it was sarcasm.
07/07/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
I'm a German girl and my boyfriend is part Polish. We make very bad jokes about this constantly. His parents joke that I invade their house, and his best friend is Jewish and the first time he met me he yelled "HIT THE DECK!" and he and his whole family pretended they were afraid of me and they screamed and laid on the floor.

I apologize if that offends anyone.
07/07/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
I'm a German girl and my boyfriend is part Polish. We make very bad jokes about this constantly. His parents joke that I invade their house, and his best friend is Jewish and the first time he met me he yelled "HIT THE DECK!" and he and ... more
History jokes...awesome!
07/07/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
Well I'm Danish and my bf is Polish (with a bit of mix but mostly Polish) so we don't have much with the racial things at all, but I joke about his height a lot (he's shorter than I and won't be getting any taller, haha!). My family are the ones who don't like interracial dating but I don't find anything wrong with it. It's not always common, and sometimes it is bad in societal view, but if two people really love each other, who really cares?
07/07/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
I'm a German girl and my boyfriend is part Polish. We make very bad jokes about this constantly. His parents joke that I invade their house, and his best friend is Jewish and the first time he met me he yelled "HIT THE DECK!" and he and ... more
My grandmother is a German Catholic and my grandfather was a Polish Jew, so we've made those jokes before too, lol
07/07/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
Im pretty similar. I'm German and actually a little Cherokee, though you wouldn't know it by looking at me - blonde, blue eyes, and damn near translucent skin. A good portion of my boy's ancestry is Seminole, and he has the dark (and ... more
Yea I'm German and Irish plus a tag Norweigian. He is German and Cherokee. He tans like a friggin tatter tot! He kinda looks Native American sometimes which I think is so cool, plus his hands are HUGE . He also has dark and beautiful hair...sounds like we likes similar things lol.
07/07/2010
Contributor: fatesrelease fatesrelease
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I know this could be a sticky issue, but I hope everyone can be cool with it.

Not only is there an age difference between Cyn and I, there's also ethnicity too. I'm about as white as a bleached grain of rice in the middle of a snow ... more
I have no experience with it personally but I am a firm believe of you love who you love! It doesn't matter what ethnicity you are. Love is the most important thing and the only thing that matters!
07/07/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
Yea I'm German and Irish plus a tag Norweigian. He is German and Cherokee. He tans like a friggin tatter tot! He kinda looks Native American sometimes which I think is so cool, plus his hands are HUGE . He also has dark and beautiful ... more
I guess so! LOL
07/08/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
My grandmother is a German Catholic and my grandfather was a Polish Jew, so we've made those jokes before too, lol
Since Inglorious Basterds came out, it's been really fun, lol.
07/08/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I never noticed - my parents raised me colorblind. It wasn't until I started attending public school (about age 8) that I encountered racism (which was directed at me, since inner Kansas City was mostly black). I'm about as Celtic as they get - pale, freckles, red hair, blue eyes.

When Mulder and I were together, it was kinda funny to see people's reactions to us because I'm the Irish girl and he was the swarthy dark Italian type. This was not usual for Florida (homogenizing is occurring, but that's mostly between black and white). We would have blended in better in Boston ... it's a common joke to call Italian and Irish unions 'Pasta and Potatoes'.
07/08/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I know this could be a sticky issue, but I hope everyone can be cool with it.

Not only is there an age difference between Cyn and I, there's also ethnicity too. I'm about as white as a bleached grain of rice in the middle of a snow ... more
Do what feels right, and ignore everything else! Someone is always gonna have a problem with something you are doing.
07/08/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
Do what feels right, and ignore everything else! Someone is always gonna have a problem with something you are doing.
general or specific "you"? haha

I'm different, I accept that.
07/08/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
general or specific "you"? haha

I'm different, I accept that.
Both. Life is too short.
07/09/2010
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I never noticed - my parents raised me colorblind. It wasn't until I started attending public school (about age 8) that I encountered racism (which was directed at me, since inner Kansas City was mostly black). I'm about as Celtic as they get ... more
Sometimes it's easy not to notice race when you're white.
07/09/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Sometimes it's easy not to notice race when you're white.
I can appreciate the speakers arguments in this speech, but it's not quite in line with the topic.
07/09/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Sometimes it's easy not to notice race when you're white.
I was raised Baha'i - meaning you see people, not colors.
07/10/2010