Well, the first thing you do is accept a big HUG from me.

So sorry to hear this, it truly sucks. I have not been there so I can not offer much help. Just know that you are loved here and I will be sending good happy thoughts to help you through.

You never know. If your meant to be together (and hes not a douche) you may end up together in the end.

sorry to hear about your break up. hang in there, you will find some one better.

I know it's cliche, but time heals. A big bowl of ice cream helps, too.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish I could answer your questions in a way that would actually help, but I can't. Just take it a day at a time and believe in yourself. Time should take care of the rest.

It sucks when bad things happen to good people.

That sounds rough. I don't know what I would do. Take the single life slow and don't make any rash decisions with your love life. You'll find someone new.

More big hugs, you will find somebody. *Hugs* Everyone has given really wise wisdom.

Hugs times a million.
It really sucks. Majorly. And it will take some time to feel better.

What do you do now?
Take a deep breath.
Cry if you want to. Punch a pillow if you want to. Take a walk. Cuddle a pet (or stuffed animal).

After a hard breakup, I think it's the best time to do all those things that will strengthen YOU as a person and make YOU feel better. Personal project time. Go out in nature (the beach, an old hiking trail, a huge field) take pictures. Start writing a novel (..if you're into that type of thing..). Sign up for a yoga class, or a self-defense class, or a dance class. Paint your toenails even. Make a list of things you want to do, and set to doing them. You will feel productive, and you will be doing a bunch of things you really enjoy and love to do.
And yes, you will still be sad and cry from time to time... But that's perfectly okay.

And make sure you give your friends phone calls when you are feeling lonely. It's good to reach out to others.

And then, while you're in total recovery mode, you will stumble across someone who appreciates , fascinates you, and brings out your best attributes (and vice versa!).

After having been there for ages (not just marriage but an intense affair afterwards), I can assure you of a few things:

1. It'll be hell for a while.
2. You're NOT going insane for what you feel.
3. What you feel is perfectly NORMAL.
4. Allow yourself to grieve however long you need to.
5. DON'T let others tell you to 'get over it'.
6. IT WILL GET BETTER.
7. You WILL survive and be stronger for it.

We're all here for you and we love you, Tori. *hugs*

Thank you all so much - At my age and where I am in life I don't have a ton of real life friends (a few great ones, but they have their own lives, ya know?), and I never understood how people considered this online community such a family and a support system until now.

I love you all!

And as an update, I can't hate him. He's not a douche. He's actually an awesome guy. He made a decision based on his kids and while it might not even be permanent (though will most likely be), I can't blame him or say I'd do differently if I were him. It would probably be easier if I could hate him, but I can't. I understand what he's doing and I know he's terrified and while I want to make it better, I know what he needs from me is to walk away for now.

Awww, I'm so sorry! Get a GIANT bowl of chocolate pudding, and eat it while watching movies in bed. HUGS FOR YOU!!

Thank you all so much, again.

Now here's my other question. I know I'll be able to find someone (down the road of course - I am in NO rush) that I have similar interests to. Even someone that I'll be able to develop that strong emotional understanding and compatibility with. But how do I find someone with such strong sexual compatibility? I'm not particularly vanilla - actually very far from it - but I can't advertise that as the first thing about me. Any hints on where to find the sexually adventurous crowd? Tattoos, an interest in classic cars, and an appreciate for a woman who can cook would also be priorities. How do you go about finding someone like that? I've always stumbled into relationships and this one was the first one I more or less accidentally fell into after my marriage so I haven't 'dated' since I was 20.

That does suck and I am sorry. I wish that it didn't turn out that way for you but you will find someone else. I can't tell you where to look to find someone that you are looking for because I found my partner when I wasn't looking for anyone and I think that was the key. My room mate just got out of a 6 year relationship and she is confused about what to do when it comes to dating as well. The only thing that I can do is take her out and get her in a social atmosphere where she can mingle. Then I just hope that she may meet someone there. You could do the same, if you have friends with those similar interests maybe they can take you out into a social setting and help you mingle with others.

I'm sorry. I don't even know what I would do with myself. Probably have a breakdown. If I lost my boyfriend I would be devastated. Keep being strong and amazing! I know you will find someone else that will mesh well with you. Don't give up!

Gah, this just blows! There is no other way around it. I'm mad-ish at him but at the same time, I can't say for sure I would've done anything differently. And my brain just won't switch gears off of him! I go back and forth from angry to sad to hopeful (which is just stupid on my part).

I've been in your spot. I was with someone for years who I thought was my sole mate. He was also one of those 'nice guys'. I thought I'd never find another to make me feel that way again. I was wrong I have a man who is...(can't find the perfect word)..'the one' I could say. You will find another, you just can't look to hard. It is true when you stop looking someone just shows up. Take time to reflect on what just happened and your relationship. You may find that you will look for certain things when another man comes along. Things that are important to you. I like a man who does sweet things like, leaves me a note saying I love you or will hold my hand in the store or will hold me and watch a movie.

Take some time to heal your heart and sole and reflect before finding another.

There will always be the memory of that person. I will quote this..

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. ~ Rose Kennedy

I find this to be true.

Internet hug!
Sorry to hear of your break up, like everyone else said 'time heals'.
it's true. Don't try to rationalize any of it just yet, because you will make yourself go mad.

Tori, I'm so sorry to hear about your break up. I won't repeat everything everybody has said, but I will echo that it's normal to be feeling the way you are, and that you will find somebody else. I'm sending you lots of internet hugs and good vibes, and if you need an ear, I'm here

I"m so sorry to hear this Tori. You'll find someone else, I know you will. Keep your head up and in the game.

Oh, Tori.

Fist of all:

And also:



I wish I could give you advice on how to move past, but honestly, I've had my heart broken, but never by having a partner leave. You are an awesome lady and it is totally his loss.

Thanks, guys. I just wish time would start moving faster! If I survived my divorce, I know I can live through this. Right now it just feels like there will never be anyone else like him, that fits me so well. And he's so confused and upside down I can't get a straight answer out of him on anything and the answers I get I don't like. It's frustrating beyond words. I just want the future we planned back... I hate having to change the entire trajectory of my life...again!

Take time to be nice to yourself right now. Roll with the emotions because you know they will pass (the good and bad always do). Think about what you had and mourn for the loss of your future, but when you feel yourself starting to dwell, channel that energy into something positive. Journal, paint, cook, call friends and family, work a puzzle, do things you used to do before him that maybe you passed over until now. You will realize in time why things did not work out and this has prepared you for what and who are really meant to be.

You're a strong woman and you will come out better from this. *Big hug*