The New Intimacy

What things do you consider as cheating?

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Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Luckily my husband has never cheated on me, and I have never cheated on him. We have however discussed what we consider as cheating. We have SLIGHTLY different views on what is cheating, but not too much. I personally consider the smallest things such as holding hands or kissing, sometimes flirting to be cheating. You may think that's wrong, but I've been cheated on before and I know even those smallest things can hurt. But we're not here to tell each other what is wrong that we believe, I just want to know WHAT you all consider cheating. I want guys and girls answers on this.
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Flirting
sexysweetieshan , Darling Jen , Yoda , Passionate Pastor , Blinker , Andromeda , Hannah Savage , softcoeur , VampKitty , TheCleansing , Persephone Nightmare , Jenniae09 , sexifun , darthkitt3n , PussyGalore , Bunnycups , Darkestraven , KnK , *HisMrs* , indiglo , Ansley , Eden C. , froggiemoma , MaryExy , Anjulie , butterflygirlxo , ss143 , Jackol , slynch , cobiffle , MN58 , Kat Shanahan , daniel and frances , Bignuf , thebest , Acorn , The Curious Couple , Miss Anonymous , Gunsmoke , mama2007 , purpletulip , chantalgiardina , SadoMas , Falsepast , Scrawberry78 , Deeder , Dixiemomma , sexxxkitten , crazycouple7281 , potstickers
50
Holding Hands
sexysweetieshan , BoomersGirl , P'Gell , Alicia , removedacnt , sweet sally , VieuxCarre , Tori Rebel , Darling Jen , ToyTimeTim , Envy , Yesenia , Yoda , Midway through , Miss Cinnamon , SydVicious , Passionate Pastor , MuffysPinguLove , DixieDoo , Blinker , JPito , Sammi , Andromeda , Not here , twistedheartsx , Hannah Savage , chelseahotel1224 , AU , King Tony , Kindred , ZenaidaMacroura , DeliciousSurprise , HollyB , LittleBoPeep , softcoeur , Alegria , VampKitty , TheCleansing , TheOnlyMystique , Persephone Nightmare , Persephone's Addiction , mnc5051 , LavenderSkies , fghjkl , sexifun , Dusk , Lindz86 , SexyTabby , Airekah , darthkitt3n , BBW Talks Toys , PussyGalore , Emma (Girl With Fire) , Bunnycups , Taylor , maskineri , Darkestraven , leatherlover , Lummox , Anne Ardeur , Jessica Elizabeth , guy4guyz420 , sbon , ToxicHeart , Eliza , *HisMrs* , indiglo , dhig , Ansley , beautiful , Keegski , jaimijacklin , Lithaewyn , Spring , Sweet-Justice , DCorrelle , toxie m , tickle me pink , Eden C. , Fuck it. , MaryExy , Anjulie , Rossie , butterflygirlxo , ss143 , Mr. Poopy Pants , Kiwidragon , slynch , cobiffle , sunshinegirl63 , TameTemptress , ichigostrawberry , c9zzscj , MN58 , Kat Shanahan , daniel and frances , tesseract , ily , AgnesTrevejo , CAKES , Jazz , thebest , Screen Door , Kdlips , Acorn , hyacinthgirl , Tasty Latina , cheetahpita , Starkiller87 , Rhazya , The Curious Couple , lacybutton , Miss Anonymous , Gunsmoke , mama2007 , jenn g , Apirka , Harpina is gone , blacklodge , Ice1 , hellono , purpletulip , prettynpink , ViVix , nanamondoute , mpfm , chantalgiardina , Cheluh10 , Voilet , SadoMas , RatchetS , Katelyn , Falsepast , snarknemesis , Scrawberry78 , Deeder , Badass , Dixiemomma , sexxxkitten , joelb42 , indiechick , crazycouple7281 , potstickers
143
Close mouthed kissing
sexysweetieshan , Lady Venus , BoomersGirl , P'Gell , Alicia , removedacnt , sweet sally , VieuxCarre , Tori Rebel , Darling Jen , ToyTimeTim , Envy , Yesenia , Yoda , Miss Cinnamon , Passionate Pastor , MuffysPinguLove , DixieDoo , Blinker , JPito , Sammi , Andromeda , Not here , twistedheartsx , Hannah Savage , Waterfall , chelseahotel1224 , King Tony , Splendwhore , Kindred , Valyn , ZenaidaMacroura , DeliciousSurprise , sextoygeek , HollyB , LittleBoPeep , softcoeur , Alegria , VampKitty , TheCleansing , TheOnlyMystique , Persephone Nightmare , Persephone's Addiction , Jenniae09 , mnc5051 , LavenderSkies , fghjkl , sexifun , Dusk , SexyTabby , Airekah , darthkitt3n , BBW Talks Toys , PussyGalore , Emma (Girl With Fire) , Bunnycups , Taylor , maskineri , Darkestraven , leatherlover , Lummox , Anne Ardeur , KnK , guy4guyz420 , sbon , ToxicHeart , The Giveaway Diva , Eliza , 18 , REDRUM , *HisMrs* , moonch1ld , Stephanie Marie , indiglo , dhig , KennyMister , Ansley , beautiful , liilii080 , Keegski , AngelicaU , jaimijacklin , Lithaewyn , Sweet-Justice , DCorrelle , tickle me pink , Eden C. , Fuck it. , Sock Monkey , sexygoddess , Curves , GravyCakes , MaryExy , Anjulie , Rossie , butterflygirlxo , ss143 , Kiwidragon , slynch , cobiffle , sunshinegirl63 , TameTemptress , ichigostrawberry , c9zzscj , MN58 , Kat Shanahan , daniel and frances , Uncommon Pleasures , tesseract , CajunErin , ily , CAKES , Jazz , thebest , Screen Door , Kdlips , lovemuscle n cookie , Acorn , MJ1337 , hyacinthgirl , Tasty Latina , cheetahpita , ParisLove , angel142stx , Starkiller87 , Rhazya , The Curious Couple , lacybutton , Miss Anonymous , Gunsmoke , mama2007 , jenn g , Apirka , Harpina is gone , blacklodge , Ice1 , purpletulip , prettynpink , ViVix , BabyCheeks , nanamondoute , mpfm , chantalgiardina , RxL00 , Cheluh10 , Bodhi , Voilet , wwwww , Clara , SadoMas , RatchetS , Katelyn , Falsepast , novanilla , Jalh222 , snarknemesis , Scrawberry78 , Deeder , Badass , Dixiemomma , sexxxkitten , joelb42 , indiechick , crazycouple7281 , potstickers
165
Open mouthed kissing (or french kissing)
sexysweetieshan , Lady Venus , BoomersGirl , P'Gell , Jimbo Jones , Alicia , removedacnt , sweet sally , VieuxCarre , Tori Rebel , PassionQT , Darling Jen , ToyTimeTim , Envy , Yesenia , Yoda , Pleasure Piratess , deadpoet , Victoria , Miss Cinnamon , SydVicious , Passionate Pastor , MuffysPinguLove , DixieDoo , Blinker , JPito , Sammi , Andromeda , Not here , twistedheartsx , Hannah Savage , Waterfall , chelseahotel1224 , AU , King Tony , Splendwhore , Kindred , Valyn , ZenaidaMacroura , DeliciousSurprise , sextoygeek , HollyB , LittleBoPeep , softcoeur , Alegria , ~LaUr3n~ , VampKitty , TheCleansing , TheOnlyMystique , Shellz31 , Persephone Nightmare , Persephone's Addiction , Jenniae09 , mllebeauty , mnc5051 , LavenderSkies , Tart , fghjkl , Hallmar82 , sexifun , Dusk , UnknownGirl , SexyTabby , Airekah , Kim! , darthkitt3n , BBW Talks Toys , PussyGalore , Emma (Girl With Fire) , Bunnycups , Taylor , maskineri , Darkestraven , leatherlover , Lummox , Anne Ardeur , KnK , Jessica Elizabeth , guy4guyz420 , sbon , kawigrl , ToxicHeart , Crystal1 , The Giveaway Diva , Eliza , REDRUM , *HisMrs* , moonch1ld , bobowaxer , Stephanie Marie , indiglo , That Guy , Sohotdinosaur , dhig , sixfootsex , Ansley , beautiful , liilii080 , Keegski , AngelicaU , extrafun , jaimijacklin , Lithaewyn , skunked , Sweet-Justice , DCorrelle , toxie m , tickle me pink , Eden C. , Fuck it. , Sock Monkey , sexygoddess , Curves , null , GravyCakes , MaryExy , Anjulie , Rossie , butterflygirlxo , ss143 , Kiwidragon , slynch , cobiffle , sunshinegirl63 , guard083 , TameTemptress , ichigostrawberry , Mikey Likesit , c9zzscj , MN58 , Kat Shanahan , daniel and frances , Uncommon Pleasures , tesseract , CajunErin , ily , CAKES , Jazz , thebest , Screen Door , Kdlips , lovemuscle n cookie , Acorn , MJ1337 , hyacinthgirl , Tasty Latina , cheetahpita , ParisLove , angel142stx , Starkiller87 , AndroAngel , lilly555 , Rhazya , The Curious Couple , lacybutton , VictoriaRose , Miss Anonymous , Gunsmoke , mama2007 , jenn g , fifi , Apirka , Harpina is gone , blacklodge , Ice1 , purpletulip , prettynpink , ViVix , BabyCheeks , nanamondoute , mpfm , chantalgiardina , RxL00 , Cheluh10 , neil i. , Bodhi , Incendiaire , Voilet , wwwww , Clara , SadoMas , Gone (LD29) , RatchetS , Katelyn , Falsepast , novanilla , Jalh222 , snarknemesis , Scrawberry78 , Deeder , Badass , Dixiemomma , sexxxkitten , joelb42 , indiechick , crazycouple7281 , potstickers
197
Touching (whether that be breasts or below the belt)
sexysweetieshan , Lady Venus , BoomersGirl , P'Gell , Jimbo Jones , Alicia , removedacnt , sweet sally , VieuxCarre , Tori Rebel , PassionQT , Darling Jen , ToyTimeTim , Envy , Yesenia , Yoda , Pleasure Piratess , deadpoet , Victoria , Miss Cinnamon , SydVicious , Passionate Pastor , MuffysPinguLove , DixieDoo , Blinker , JPito , Sammi , Andromeda , Not here , twistedheartsx , Hannah Savage , Waterfall , chelseahotel1224 , AU , King Tony , Splendwhore , Kindred , Valyn , ZenaidaMacroura , DeliciousSurprise , sextoygeek , HollyB , LittleBoPeep , softcoeur , Alegria , ~LaUr3n~ , VampKitty , TheCleansing , TheOnlyMystique , Persephone Nightmare , Persephone's Addiction , Jenniae09 , mllebeauty , mnc5051 , Ajax , LavenderSkies , Tart , fghjkl , Hallmar82 , sexifun , Dusk , UnknownGirl , SexyTabby , Airekah , Kim! , darthkitt3n , BBW Talks Toys , PussyGalore , Emma (Girl With Fire) , Bunnycups , maskineri , Darkestraven , leatherlover , Lummox , Anne Ardeur , KnK , Jessica Elizabeth , guy4guyz420 , sbon , kawigrl , ToxicHeart , Crystal1 , The Giveaway Diva , Eliza , REDRUM , *HisMrs* , moonch1ld , Stephanie Marie , indiglo , That Guy , Sohotdinosaur , dhig , sixfootsex , Ansley , beautiful , liilii080 , Keegski , AngelicaU , extrafun , jaimijacklin , Lithaewyn , skunked , Sweet-Justice , DCorrelle , toxie m , tickle me pink , Eden C. , Fuck it. , Sock Monkey , sexygoddess , Curves , null , GravyCakes , MaryExy , Anjulie , Rossie , butterflygirlxo , ss143 , Kiwidragon , slynch , cobiffle , sunshinegirl63 , guard083 , TameTemptress , ichigostrawberry , Mikey Likesit , c9zzscj , MN58 , Kat Shanahan , daniel and frances , Uncommon Pleasures , tesseract , ily , AgnesTrevejo , CAKES , Jazz , thebest , Screen Door , Kdlips , lovemuscle n cookie , Acorn , MJ1337 , hyacinthgirl , Tasty Latina , cheetahpita , ParisLove , angel142stx , Starkiller87 , AndroAngel , lilly555 , Rhazya , The Curious Couple , lacybutton , VictoriaRose , Miss Anonymous , Gunsmoke , mama2007 , jenn g , fifi , Apirka , Harpina is gone , blacklodge , Ice1 , purpletulip , prettynpink , ViVix , BabyCheeks , nanamondoute , mpfm , chantalgiardina , gsfanatic , RxL00 , Cheluh10 , neil i. , Bodhi , Voilet , wwwww , Clara , SadoMas , Gone (LD29) , RatchetS , Katelyn , Falsepast , novanilla , Jalh222 , snarknemesis , Scrawberry78 , Deeder , Badass , Dixiemomma , sexxxkitten , joelb42 , indiechick , crazycouple7281 , potstickers
195
Oral Sex
sexysweetieshan , Lady Venus , BoomersGirl , P'Gell , Jimbo Jones , Alicia , removedacnt , sweet sally , VieuxCarre , Tori Rebel , PassionQT , Darling Jen , GNGenie , ToyTimeTim , Envy , Yesenia , Yoda , Pleasure Piratess , deadpoet , Victoria , Miss Cinnamon , SydVicious , Passionate Pastor , MuffysPinguLove , DixieDoo , Blinker , JPito , Sammi , Andromeda , Not here , twistedheartsx , Hannah Savage , Waterfall , chelseahotel1224 , AU , King Tony , Splendwhore , Kindred , Valyn , ZenaidaMacroura , DeliciousSurprise , sextoygeek , HollyB , LittleBoPeep , softcoeur , Alegria , ~LaUr3n~ , VampKitty , TheCleansing , TheOnlyMystique , Persephone Nightmare , Persephone's Addiction , Jenniae09 , mllebeauty , mnc5051 , Ajax , LavenderSkies , Tart , fghjkl , Hallmar82 , sexifun , Dusk , UnknownGirl , SexyTabby , Airekah , Kim! , darthkitt3n , BBW Talks Toys , PussyGalore , Emma (Girl With Fire) , Bunnycups , Taylor , maskineri , Darkestraven , buzzvibe , leatherlover , Lummox , Anne Ardeur , KnK , Jessica Elizabeth , guy4guyz420 , sbon , kawigrl , ToxicHeart , Crystal1 , The Giveaway Diva , Eliza , REDRUM , *HisMrs* , moonch1ld , bobowaxer , Stephanie Marie , indiglo , That Guy , Sohotdinosaur , dhig , sixfootsex , Ansley , beautiful , liilii080 , Keegski , AngelicaU , extrafun , jaimijacklin , Lithaewyn , skunked , Sweet-Justice , DCorrelle , toxie m , tickle me pink , Eden C. , Fuck it. , Sock Monkey , sexygoddess , Curves , null , GravyCakes , MaryExy , Anjulie , Rossie , butterflygirlxo , clp , ss143 , Kiwidragon , slynch , cobiffle , sunshinegirl63 , guard083 , TameTemptress , ichigostrawberry , Mikey Likesit , c9zzscj , MN58 , Kat Shanahan , daniel and frances , Uncommon Pleasures , tesseract , ily , CAKES , Amazonia Dentata , Jazz , thebest , Screen Door , Kdlips , lovemuscle n cookie , Acorn , MJ1337 , Nothere , hyacinthgirl , Tasty Latina , cheetahpita , ParisLove , angel142stx , Starkiller87 , AndroAngel , lilly555 , Rhazya , The Curious Couple , lacybutton , VictoriaRose , Miss Anonymous , Gunsmoke , mama2007 , jenn g , fifi , Apirka , Harpina is gone , blacklodge , Ice1 , purpletulip , prettynpink , ViVix , BabyCheeks , nanamondoute , mpfm , chantalgiardina , gsfanatic , RxL00 , thisisadeletedaccount , Cheluh10 , neil i. , Bodhi , Voilet , wwwww , Clara , SadoMas , Gone (LD29) , RatchetS , Katelyn , Falsepast , novanilla , Jalh222 , snarknemesis , Scrawberry78 , Deeder , Badass , Dixiemomma , sexxxkitten , joelb42 , indiechick , crazycouple7281 , potstickers
202
Sexual Intercourse
sexysweetieshan , Lady Venus , BoomersGirl , P'Gell , Jimbo Jones , Alicia , removedacnt , sweet sally , VieuxCarre , Tori Rebel , PassionQT , Darling Jen , GNGenie , ToyTimeTim , Envy , Yesenia , Yoda , Love Buzz , deadpoet , Victoria , Miss Cinnamon , SydVicious , Passionate Pastor , MuffysPinguLove , DixieDoo , Blinker , JPito , Sammi , Andromeda , Not here , twistedheartsx , Hannah Savage , Waterfall , chelseahotel1224 , AU , King Tony , Splendwhore , Kindred , Valyn , ZenaidaMacroura , DeliciousSurprise , sextoygeek , HollyB , LittleBoPeep , RosesThorns , softcoeur , Alegria , ~LaUr3n~ , VampKitty , TheCleansing , TheOnlyMystique , Persephone Nightmare , Persephone's Addiction , Jenniae09 , mllebeauty , mnc5051 , Ajax , LavenderSkies , Tart , fghjkl , Hallmar82 , sexifun , Dusk , UnknownGirl , SexyTabby , Airekah , Kim! , darthkitt3n , BBW Talks Toys , PussyGalore , Emma (Girl With Fire) , Bunnycups , Taylor , maskineri , Darkestraven , buzzvibe , leatherlover , Lummox , Anne Ardeur , KnK , Jessica Elizabeth , guy4guyz420 , sbon , kawigrl , ToxicHeart , Crystal1 , The Giveaway Diva , Eliza , REDRUM , *HisMrs* , moonch1ld , kittychilla , bobowaxer , Stephanie Marie , indiglo , That Guy , Sohotdinosaur , dhig , sixfootsex , Ansley , beautiful , liilii080 , Keegski , AngelicaU , extrafun , jaimijacklin , Lithaewyn , skunked , Sweet-Justice , DCorrelle , toxie m , tickle me pink , Eden C. , Fuck it. , Sock Monkey , sexygoddess , Curves , null , GravyCakes , MaryExy , Anjulie , Rossie , butterflygirlxo , clp , ss143 , Kiwidragon , slynch , cobiffle , sunshinegirl63 , guard083 , TameTemptress , ichigostrawberry , Mikey Likesit , c9zzscj , MN58 , Kat Shanahan , daniel and frances , Uncommon Pleasures , padmeamidala , tesseract , ily , AgnesTrevejo , CAKES , Jazz , thebest , Screen Door , Kdlips , lovemuscle n cookie , Acorn , MJ1337 , Nothere , hyacinthgirl , Tasty Latina , cheetahpita , ParisLove , angel142stx , Starkiller87 , AndroAngel , lilly555 , Rhazya , The Curious Couple , lacybutton , VictoriaRose , Miss Anonymous , Gunsmoke , mama2007 , jenn g , fifi , Apirka , Harpina is gone , blacklodge , Ice1 , purpletulip , prettynpink , ViVix , BabyCheeks , nanamondoute , mpfm , chantalgiardina , gsfanatic , RxL00 , thisisadeletedaccount , Cheluh10 , neil i. , Bodhi , Voilet , wwwww , Clara , Gone (LD29) , RatchetS , Katelyn , Falsepast , novanilla , Jalh222 , snarknemesis , Scrawberry78 , Deeder , Badass , Dixiemomma , sexxxkitten , joelb42 , indiechick , crazycouple7281 , potstickers
204
None of the above
Rayne Millaray , Red Vinyl Kitty
2
Other - Please tell me what I missed!
Lady Venus , joja , Alicia , Tori Rebel , PassionQT , Darling Jen , El-Jaro , Airen Wolf , Victoria , Andromeda , Alan & Michele , Not here , AU , King Tony , Valyn , NightNight , DeliciousSurprise , RosesThorns , softcoeur , ~LaUr3n~ , Red Vinyl Kitty , VampKitty , jennydanger , Avant-garde , Persephone Nightmare , Jenniae09 , mrs.mckrakn , mllebeauty , mnc5051 , LavenderSkies , fghjkl , sexifun , Dusk , SexyTabby , Kim! , Bunnycups , Darkestraven , Anne Ardeur , KnK , Eliza , Stephanie Marie , beautiful , AngelicaU , cnspots , Lady Marmelade , Lithaewyn , MMMARY , Eden C. , Sock Monkey , null , MaryExy , kitsuneyouko5 , Sex'и'Violence , tammyandy69 , cobiffle , curmudgeoncat , Kat Shanahan , tesseract , CajunErin , ily , CAKES , thebest , Screen Door , Nothere , CreamySweet , AndroAngel , Rhazya , The Curious Couple , WhoopieDoo , zeebot , Apirka , chantalgiardina , gsfanatic , thisisadeletedaccount , wwwww , Gone (LD29) , Katelyn , Falsepast , snarknemesis , XxXxX , Dixiemomma , crazycouple7281 , potstickers
83
Total votes: 1241 (241 voters)
Poll is closed
08/11/2010
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Contributor: Lady Venus Lady Venus
I don't consider flirting cheating. Flirting is harmless fun. A lot of people are natural flirts are don't even realize it. I'm a flirty person and I flirt with everybody. It's all fun and games. You can flirt and mean nothing by it.
08/11/2010
Contributor: joja joja
What does and does not constitute cheating depends solely on the boundaries set in your individual relationship. For some, just a glance is enough to get upset. For others, it's okay to date/sleep with other people, as long as your current S.O. remains your primary partner. Some swingers are okay with sex, but not kissing.

I think the idea applies to more than just open/poly relationships. I've had boyfriends who were fine with me dancing/grinding with other dudes, and boyfriends who didn't even want me giving other guys massages (which are completely innocent, I just happen to like giving them).
08/11/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Quote:
Originally posted by joja
What does and does not constitute cheating depends solely on the boundaries set in your individual relationship. For some, just a glance is enough to get upset. For others, it's okay to date/sleep with other people, as long as your current S.O. ... more
Yeah I know a lot of people don't feel the same way as I do about cheating. It does depend on the relationship. That's why I thought it would be cool to do this poll and see just how differently everyone feels about it. Not to say if anyone is right or wrong, just to see the differences in opinions.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
For us I would consider hand holding cheating, not the physical aspect of it I guess, but I think more for the reason that if my husband is holding hands with someone there must be something between him and that person. He doesn't just go around holding hands with people. Now if we were out with friends and for some reason he had to hold their hands I wouldn't be like "you cheating bastard!!!!" but in general I think if I saw him holding hands with someone and I dind't know why I'd be pretty worried that something was going on.

I think that cheating can happen without the people even meeting though. Or, maybe it's not "cheating" but it's just as worrisome. Like, if he started chatting with someone online and being secretive about it I'd be concerned. If he was texting someone and being secretive about it, I'd be concerned. These are examples of someone letting someone in, letting them get between the relationship and they I think show a problem.

This is of course just for me and my husband because I know how we normally are and what we normally would not do. If one of us did one of these things we'd consider it an issue because it would mean something had changed. For example we have a friend whose husband isn't around right now, he's been gone almost a year but will be home soon, she comes out with us and she really flirts, and who knows what she texts to some of the guys or talks to people online about, and she's gotten drunk and I think kissed the one guy..but for them that is not cheating. They have different boundaries in their relationship and I guess they have a line somewhere that they know not to cross. For us that would not fly..but to each their own.
08/11/2010
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
I can't really consider flirting to be cheating since I flirt on the regular basis. It's just natural for me to be flirtatious and I've met a lot of people who are the same way.

Cheating can also happen online with webcams and partners receiving shows and masturbating/doing other sexual things with someone on the other end. I wouldn't approve of this, personally. I kind of like the whole faithful and monogamous thing.
08/11/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
For us I would consider hand holding cheating, not the physical aspect of it I guess, but I think more for the reason that if my husband is holding hands with someone there must be something between him and that person. He doesn't just go around ... more
Yeah, that's one thing I forgot to add to the poll answers. Online chatting or dating or texting or things like that. I would also consider that cheating.
08/11/2010
Contributor: PassionQT PassionQT
Emotional affairs that aren't necessarily physical can be viewed as such.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
It definitely depends on the people and the particular relationship but I consider all of the above cheating merely based on my own. Also any emotional affair is also cheating.
08/11/2010
Contributor: GNGenie GNGenie
Quote:
Originally posted by sexysweetieshan
Luckily my husband has never cheated on me, and I have never cheated on him. We have however discussed what we consider as cheating. We have SLIGHTLY different views on what is cheating, but not too much. I personally consider the smallest things ... more
I really should have clicked "Other" because to me, as long as there is honesty and permission, nothing is cheating. I guess I just clicked Oral and Intercourse because those are the ones I feel honesty and permission is needed for. Flirting, touching, and kissing are perhaps not great things to be doing behind your SO's back, but to me, it wouldn't be a big deal.
08/11/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I've stuck with "If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, it's cheating (unless there's permission)". Forgiveness is better than holding a grudge in most cases.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
I think it depends on the people involved and the structure of the relationship. To me, personally, anything physical I find is cheating, but flirting doesn't bother me so much because it can be done in harmless fun. But that's my own personal opinion that goes in my own personal relationship--others might not even like the flirting or anything.
08/11/2010
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
Personally, anything beyond some innocent flirting is not acceptable.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
In an open relationship what constitutes cheating is fairly simple: Anything that you can't or won't come home and talk to your partners about openly. So that can be virtually all of the things you mentioned. If it is not something you will discuss with your partner then, for us, you cheated or are planning to cheat. This is the litmus test all three of us use to decide whether what we are planning or wanting to do is going to cause harm to our trust relationship. So far, knock wood, we haven't had to be more specific and we generally talk about whatever we think might be fun or exciting BEFORE we rush out and do it. This is the only way we can act as a sort of check and balance for each other. Our motto, even with our kids, is: If we don't know what is going on we can't help you if you get in trouble. This is our biggest concern to be honest, we've cheated or been cheated on enough to know that we can overcome this...but an accusation from a fourth party of impropriety or, Gods forbid, a health issue is another story!
08/11/2010
Contributor: sarahbear sarahbear
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I've stuck with "If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, it's cheating (unless there's permission)". Forgiveness is better than holding a grudge in most cases.
This x100. I agree that if you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, you shouldn't be doing it.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I've stuck with "If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, it's cheating (unless there's permission)". Forgiveness is better than holding a grudge in most cases.
I don't think I could have said it any better.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Midway through Midway through
I consider flirting as just whatever, I wouldn't say that's cheating. However, when you get to that point where the guy is considering it, or even thinking about them in that manner, I guess that's cheating. So what I'm saying to say is that the thought process is what makes it cheating, however I don't think that you could really judge a guy or girls thought processes so you wouldn't really know.
08/11/2010
Contributor: deadpoet deadpoet
I beleive open mouth kissing, oral, and sex are cheating. My boyfriend thinks everything is cheating, but he is ok with me holding my guy friends hands (mostly we lock one fingure together), because he knows nothing will happen.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
Emotional affairs that aren't necessarily physical can be viewed as such.
I was just about to say that - emotional / intimacy is just as real to me as something psychical.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I've stuck with "If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, it's cheating (unless there's permission)". Forgiveness is better than holding a grudge in most cases.
Exactly. Permission/communicati on beforehand is key!
08/11/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by sexysweetieshan
Luckily my husband has never cheated on me, and I have never cheated on him. We have however discussed what we consider as cheating. We have SLIGHTLY different views on what is cheating, but not too much. I personally consider the smallest things ... more
I don't quite get the premise of this question. Holding hands is not 'cheating' but why would I be holding hands with someone other than my partner? This forum is not about adolescent indiscretion - which is how I would characterize your list.

Sorry if I missed the point?
08/11/2010
Contributor: SydVicious SydVicious
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
Emotional affairs that aren't necessarily physical can be viewed as such.
I totally agree!
08/11/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I've stuck with "If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, it's cheating (unless there's permission)". Forgiveness is better than holding a grudge in most cases.
Nice way to put it!
08/11/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I've stuck with "If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, it's cheating (unless there's permission)". Forgiveness is better than holding a grudge in most cases.
Yeah, I totally agree with that.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
In my experiences, the definition changes depending on who your partner is.
I myself don't consider anything cheating as long as your partner doesn't mind.

Alan defines cheating as having sex (oral or otherwise) passionate kissing, and touching intimate parts. Not much else bothers him though.

As you can imagine, with such different definitions we've learned to communicate a lot!
08/11/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
Emotional affairs that aren't necessarily physical can be viewed as such.
Agreed 100%. Someone could have an online relationship where they never actually meet the person, and therefore have no sexual contact, and it can be just as damaging as any other type of cheating.
08/11/2010
Contributor: Hannah Savage Hannah Savage
I just say that if you're not willing to walk up to your partner and say, "Today I _______ with _________" then you probably shouldn't be doing it. Yes, I am a very jealous person, although I wish I wasn't, so even the smallest things like flirting or holding hands would really upset me.
08/11/2010
Contributor: petite-n-sweet petite-n-sweet
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
In an open relationship what constitutes cheating is fairly simple: Anything that you can't or won't come home and talk to your partners about openly. So that can be virtually all of the things you mentioned. If it is not something you will ... more
Yeah, I agree with what Airen is saying...

For me, cheating is an infringement on the emotional attachment between two people.. In some cases flirting can be cheating, and other times all out sex is not cheating.. In my relationship, we are two souls joined together.. when our souls wander off to someone else's territory then its cheating.
08/11/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Quote:
Originally posted by Hannah Savage
I just say that if you're not willing to walk up to your partner and say, "Today I _______ with _________" then you probably shouldn't be doing it. Yes, I am a very jealous person, although I wish I wasn't, so even the smallest ... more
I'm glad to see someone else is a jealous person like me. Lol. Although I wish I wasn't as jealous as I am. Sometimes it's hard to change who you are though.
08/12/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Quote:
Originally posted by petite-n-sweet
Yeah, I agree with what Airen is saying...

For me, cheating is an infringement on the emotional attachment between two people.. In some cases flirting can be cheating, and other times all out sex is not cheating.. In my relationship, we are ... more
I definitely agree that cheating is also an emotional thing and not just physical. I just view cheating as physical AND emotional. If my husband went off and kissed another person but came back and said there was no emotion behind it, I would still be very upset. So it's not JUST emotional for me, but both.
08/12/2010