The New Intimacy

Have you ever thought the only thing you and your partner had in common was your sexual realtionship?

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Contributor: js250 js250
Again, I was talking to my friend and she brought up the fact that there are times when her and her husband have nothing in common but a strong sexual relationship. I agreed, since I have also been there and was wondering...

--Has this been the case with others?
--Care to share your story or opinion?
04/19/2013
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Contributor: nickeyt nickeyt
yes and when we are not geting along we have even more sex and it tends to be better then every day sex
04/19/2013
Contributor: ChubbyNerd ChubbyNerd
That how my last relationship was. We had nothing in common besides sexual stuff.
04/19/2013
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
still haven't learned enough about the guy I'm dating. we do have some personality traits in common, but not seeing many common interests yet. we're getting to know each other really slow. we have been having sex, though, and.....
04/19/2013
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
Not really. We're both family-oriented people, hard-working, etc. We may not be carbon copies of each other but we have enough in common to have a genuine relationship.
04/19/2013
Contributor: TJtheMadHatter TJtheMadHatter
I wish we had that in common. We mainly have humor as our main common ground, among other things. Sexually, we're not on the same page at all.
04/19/2013
Contributor: Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
(Review Program Mentor)
We seem to blend very well. Our values are the same and our areas of strength and weakness blend well. We dated in high school and got together again after both of our marriages to other people fell apart. Where we do not mesh we tend to compliment each other. Like I am organizationally challenged and he leans to the OCD side of organization. He is financially challenged and I can squeeze a dime out of a penny. At first we clashed a bit but we learned to compromise. We have a strong sexual attraction and relationship.

As far as prior relationships. With my ex we had a bad relationship all around. We did not have much in common. Married too young for the wrong reasons. We had a good sexual relationship at the start but none at the end and nothing in common.
04/19/2013
Contributor: spiced spiced
Yes, it reached that point in a previous relationship. I'm so glad my wife and I have a lot of common interests. So far it's never been just about sex. I hope it never is.
04/19/2013
Contributor: jr2012 jr2012
we have the opposite problem....we have everything in common except for sex! I could have it every day....and I think he could go the rest of his life without and be perfectly happy. We compromise, and everything is good.

In my opinion, it's best to base a relationship on a strong friendship moreso than sex. At least for me!
04/20/2013
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
My wife expressed this concern some years ago, luckily her response to it was to double-down on the sex!

We see the world in a very similar way - share the same values and faith, But when it comes to recreation and entertainment - there is a wide gap.

We've learned to manage those differences and have found that we both like to walk/hike and that has helped a lot.

Here's to doubling down on the sex - the extra oxytocin goes a long way!
04/20/2013
Contributor: married with children married with children
that tends to be how most peoples relationships go. I feel it is because they started off the relationship with sex, and never got to know one another. My wife and I have a lot in common, including sex.
04/20/2013
Contributor: Pumpk1nPatch Pumpk1nPatch
I actually thought that in the beginning if my current relationship. It started as something completely sexual, and I didn't think it would go anywhere. Now, over 4 years later we're together and the rest is history!
04/24/2013
Contributor: Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Again, I was talking to my friend and she brought up the fact that there are times when her and her husband have nothing in common but a strong sexual relationship. I agreed, since I have also been there and was wondering...

--Has this been ... more
Yes in my last relationship. We were together 11 yrs and it was mentally and verbally abusive. I think I stayed because the sex was mind blowing.
04/24/2013
Contributor: XxFallenAngelxX XxFallenAngelxX
My relationship is more of a friendship first. He's like my best friend.
04/24/2013
Contributor: Sera26 Sera26
Yes, in the past.
04/24/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Again, I was talking to my friend and she brought up the fact that there are times when her and her husband have nothing in common but a strong sexual relationship. I agreed, since I have also been there and was wondering...

--Has this been ... more
At different times in both my relationships I have had that feeling but then I rediscover the ways in which we are compatible all over again. I think it's natural as you continue to change and grow to have to sort of rediscover your partner(s). Don't give up on the relationship it's always worth it to reconnect or at least try.
04/26/2013
Contributor: Sangsara Sangsara
I've feared this but it just wasn't true - yes our sex life was a huge part of us but its bound to be in a relationship that was as incredible as that one was. Was our sex life only so good because we were in love? I doubt it.
04/26/2013
Contributor: Trysexual Trysexual
With past partners..not current
04/26/2013
Contributor: lillmiss5054 lillmiss5054
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Again, I was talking to my friend and she brought up the fact that there are times when her and her husband have nothing in common but a strong sexual relationship. I agreed, since I have also been there and was wondering...

--Has this been ... more
Sometimes I think that is all we have. My last relationship was the same way. We live apart and usually only get to see each other every other week so that is about all the farther we get when we see each other.
04/28/2013
Contributor: JDear JDear
I experienced this with past partners but not my current one. We have a lot in common she is my best friend and my lover!
04/28/2013
Contributor: snowminx snowminx
I have before and it just became really destructive. I think it's because a lot of people start with sex so early now instead of trying to make friends with the person first and really get to know them.
I've decided to wait months now before I have sex with them instead of just doing it in the moment.
04/28/2013
Contributor: bog bog
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Again, I was talking to my friend and she brought up the fact that there are times when her and her husband have nothing in common but a strong sexual relationship. I agreed, since I have also been there and was wondering...

--Has this been ... more
I found myself feeling that way in my last relationship. We are no longer together.

It's almost the opposite now: our friendship is strong, we have a lot in common, but...
04/28/2013
Contributor: dancingduo dancingduo
Nope...but she's my wife. Honestly we don't have alot in common, but that's what makes it fun. Life is a journey!
04/30/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by TJtheMadHatter
I wish we had that in common. We mainly have humor as our main common ground, among other things. Sexually, we're not on the same page at all.
You know, I think having a compatible sense of humor is one of the most important things in a relationship! Good sex can be learned. No, really! I mean, unless one of you is solely into extreme BDSM and the other is completely vanilla, or something like that, you will each learn each other's bodies and what turns each other on with time. Just keep practicing and communicating!
04/30/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Again, I was talking to my friend and she brought up the fact that there are times when her and her husband have nothing in common but a strong sexual relationship. I agreed, since I have also been there and was wondering...

--Has this been ... more
Long-term relationships always have fluctuations. You're talking about two people who are changing in small or big ways as they go through their lives together--a relationship between them can't help but change as well.

In the past, I've had it happen that a strong sexual connection pulled me into a relationship, only to discover that there wasn't anything real behind the sex. I've also had casual sex relationships that were SUPPOSED to be solely sex-based.

In my current relationship, which I expect to last for the rest of my life, we started out with a lot of good sex. Then we moved in together, and the frequency of sex began to wane a bit. There have actually been times when it's been the opposite of your question--when I wondered if we had everything else going for us BUT the sex, haha! But it just comes and goes. We have some interests in common, and a lot of differences, but we complement each other well.
04/30/2013
Contributor: Silverwinds Silverwinds
Eeek! That would suck! Nope, me and Icy have a lot in common.
04/30/2013
Contributor: karenm karenm
Not for most of he relationship, but towards the end we had both changed and our sexual chemistry was one of the strongest things in our relationship. It was too bad and we had to break up. I don't think I could keep a relationship like that going (even if it were a marriage with kids).
05/01/2013
Contributor: SecretKinksters SecretKinksters
No, we have A LOT of common interests...sex is just the best one of them all.
05/02/2013
Contributor: kdlt kdlt
Sometimes I've felt that way! But generally, I have other common interests with my partner.
05/02/2013
Contributor: HoneyBear69 HoneyBear69
nope
05/02/2013