The New Intimacy

Are your partners friends?

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Contributor: MissMori MissMori
If you're currently in a poly relationship, are all your partners friends with each other?
Do you get together for threesomes (or more)?
Do you have partners your primary hasn't met, or do you avoid meeting the others on purpose?
Curious about how other people do it! Voting is private, but if you feel like giving more detail please do. Multiple choices are available since your answers may vary by partner if you have more than two.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I have partners who are platonic friends.
24
I have partners who are also active with each other one-on-one.
9
I have multiple partners and more than two of us get together for sexual activity.
13
My partners don't know each other because of external cricumstances.
4
My partners don't know each other because we have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
2
My partners know each other but aren't friends.
5
Total votes: 57 (41 voters)
Poll is closed
06/26/2012
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Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by MissMori
If you're currently in a poly relationship, are all your partners friends with each other?
Do you get together for threesomes (or more)?
Do you have partners your primary hasn't met, or do you avoid meeting the others on ... more
I guess I'm lucky because they're friends
06/26/2012
Contributor: Lady of the Lab Lady of the Lab
I wanted to say that friendship is strongly encouraged as part of a poly relationship with my primary. We want to know & share about amazing people in our lives.
06/28/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
I'm not poly, but it sure is fun to think about.
06/28/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
I'm part of a triad - we all see each other both one-on-one and as a group. I find it quite lovely. =D
06/29/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by MissMori
If you're currently in a poly relationship, are all your partners friends with each other?
Do you get together for threesomes (or more)?
Do you have partners your primary hasn't met, or do you avoid meeting the others on ... more
My partners are co-parents of our children but they do not have a sexual relationship with each other...just with me. Both of my partners are hetero and content to stay that way. They have a real friendship and it is deepening over time but it's very male.
We do have threesomes and also a close group of friends that we play with occasionally.
06/29/2012
Contributor: Mistress Dragon Mistress Dragon
We are not poly but our close group of friends are all friends and the guys are all hetero and very happy to stay that way. We all do get together for play time and sometimes just for the friendship as well. It is a very diffrent world from what most people think of swinging or poly either one. I hope someday that people will open up to the diffrent ways of love in this world.
07/02/2012
Contributor: kawigrl kawigrl
just one partner at a time
07/02/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
I have a Dom who has two committed partners, who are friendly with each other.
07/08/2012
Contributor: oohlookasquirrel oohlookasquirrel
I have two boyfriends. They live in different cities. When one comes to visit, they are OK attending parties where both are present, but they're not really friends outside of that. They're cool when they run into each other socially, but they don't seek each other out to hang with. They certainly don't want to be naked with one another. They're both new to poly, though. I hope that one day they will be friends, because they have a lot in common aside from their affection for me!
07/26/2012
Contributor: MissMori MissMori
Thanks for all the responses so far! I originally was going to start this off with more of a story, but wanted to make it more of an open poll with none of my own life issues attached to it. Since I've had time to be a bit more active on here, I still feel the need to talk about what prompted this poll so I'm going to go start another thread for that.
07/27/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
My partners are co-parents of our children but they do not have a sexual relationship with each other...just with me. Both of my partners are hetero and content to stay that way. They have a real friendship and it is deepening over time but it's ... more
I should also add that we don't like the "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy and none of us have partners that the others don't know about. We don't seek approval but we do fully disclose and each person is responsible for his/her health.
07/27/2012
Contributor: MissMori MissMori
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I should also add that we don't like the "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy and none of us have partners that the others don't know about. We don't seek approval but we do fully disclose and each person is responsible for his/her health.
I like that too - I'm uncomfortable with "don't ask, don't tell" on principle since it seems like it's driven by a need to have secrets. I'm very open with people so I don't keep information like that from partners or potential partners.
Responsibility for health is important, too! Thanks for adding that.
07/27/2012
Contributor: amazon amazon
What's wrong with the don't ask don't tell policy. It seems like it would create less drama
07/28/2012
Contributor: MissMori MissMori
Quote:
Originally posted by amazon
What's wrong with the don't ask don't tell policy. It seems like it would create less drama
Some people like it, and I think every couple should do what's best for them. I personally don't like it because I'm generally very open with everyone. For me, feeling like another relationship (or even just a one-off encounter) was to be kept "secret" from my main partner would feel like more drama, not less, because I'd be hiding something from Him.
That's not to say I give everyone all the details of everything I do. Just that they're all aware of each other, and some are friends anyway.
07/28/2012
Contributor: panthercat23 panthercat23
Some of our partners know each other but not all of them do.
07/28/2012
Contributor: Lioncub Lioncub
Most of our partners know each other as we a part of a bigger group.
07/28/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by amazon
What's wrong with the don't ask don't tell policy. It seems like it would create less drama
Really? Knowing your partner is doing "something" but you can't discuss it causes less drama? Maybe for some folks but not for us...we enjoy celebrating with each other and don't ask, don't tell doesn't work for us.

On a practical level it also offers a measure of protection for us from people who feel compelled to "help" by detailing to us what our partners are doing. It also protects us from accusations of inappropriate sexual conduct. If I know my husband is seeing someone and I am confronted by an angry spouse then I can respond with confidence. We believe in complete disclosure so an angry spouse would already know about the goings on!
I know my husband's habits, his approaches and who he's with so if a woman angrily accuses him of something I can refute it instantly..and yes this happens more often than it ever should when it becomes known that you are in an open relationship.

Now you have to admit these reasons make it seem like there's a bit less drama in full disclosure, doesn't it?
07/29/2012
Contributor: Mistress Dragon Mistress Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Really? Knowing your partner is doing "something" but you can't discuss it causes less drama? Maybe for some folks but not for us...we enjoy celebrating with each other and don't ask, don't tell doesn't work for us. ... more
We would not have it any other way. The "Don't ask, Don't tell" only makes for a lot of DRAMA!!!!!
When you are always open like Airen said then you don't have to worry what is the truth or what is a lie from someone else.
Even if it might hurt a little bit always be OPEN that is the meaning of an open relationship. Right???
07/31/2012
Contributor: geekkink geekkink
I am the partner I suppose. We are a Male Female Male tribe, although I am Bi-sexual us two males do nothing sexual together. We however are great friends almost like brothers if that helps people understand our relationship.
08/02/2012
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
Quote:
Originally posted by geekkink
I am the partner I suppose. We are a Male Female Male tribe, although I am Bi-sexual us two males do nothing sexual together. We however are great friends almost like brothers if that helps people understand our relationship.
As the "female" I would say that they are pretty damn close... Like they sometimes spend more time with each other than with me. Which is nice sometimes.
08/03/2012
Contributor: brevado brevado
Poly's are just too much for me
08/03/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by brevado
Poly's are just too much for me
Poly relationships or poly people? I'm confused!
08/03/2012
Contributor: geekkink geekkink
Quote:
Originally posted by brevado
Poly's are just too much for me
I don't get this, I see posts like this in the poly forum for literally every topic. If your not poly, and you don't get it, or it's too much for you, why do you come to this forum? Is it like visiting the zoo, or like watching Jersey shore, cause if that's the case you'll be pretty bored we tend to get along just fine. We have the same relationship issues and worries and concerns everyone else does. We worry about how to pay rent like everyone else. Our homes are not twenty four seven giant roman orgies. A lot of us have kids, and they are the greatest concern, we just have more people to help deal with those issues.
08/18/2012
Contributor: LadyRelentless LadyRelentless
Quote:
Originally posted by amazon
What's wrong with the don't ask don't tell policy. It seems like it would create less drama
yikes!

It creates less drama today maybe. But it creates a world of secrets and distrust and bad things for later!

Not that you need to share every little thing. Some people want allllll the details (I do! was it good? What position did ya fuck her in? did she give good head? think you'll do it again?) some people want less information then that. But keeping secrets from lovers is just not a good idea in my book.





and why oh why can't there be a single thread in this forum that doesn't have people making useless comments about how poly doesn't work for them.
08/19/2012
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
We don't really have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. He would just rather not meet them. We talk all about my encounters though....it was just the closest option to my situation.
08/19/2012
Contributor: edenguy edenguy
Quote:
Originally posted by LadyRelentless
yikes!

It creates less drama today maybe. But it creates a world of secrets and distrust and bad things for later!

Not that you need to share every little thing. Some people want allllll the details (I do! was it good? What position ... more
I tend to agree with this:

"It creates less drama today maybe. But it creates a world of secrets and distrust and bad things for later! "

Best to come out with it in the beginning
08/19/2012
Contributor: The Kitty The Kitty
Quote:
Originally posted by MissMori
If you're currently in a poly relationship, are all your partners friends with each other?
Do you get together for threesomes (or more)?
Do you have partners your primary hasn't met, or do you avoid meeting the others on ... more
my partners all know each other, some are involved and some are just friends but there is not secrecy. My husband has one partner I dont like, but I know her.
08/26/2012
Contributor: DoneWithAlltheLies DoneWithAlltheLies
Quote:
Originally posted by MissMori
If you're currently in a poly relationship, are all your partners friends with each other?
Do you get together for threesomes (or more)?
Do you have partners your primary hasn't met, or do you avoid meeting the others on ... more
I often joke that introducing my boyfriend to my fiancee was the worst mistake I ever made-- they band together in teasing me nonstop! That said, it's sort of awesome to watch them interact and be friends. And when my boyfriend got a crush on my girlfriend? Cutest. thing. EVER.
08/28/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by DoneWithAlltheLies
I often joke that introducing my boyfriend to my fiancee was the worst mistake I ever made-- they band together in teasing me nonstop! That said, it's sort of awesome to watch them interact and be friends. And when my boyfriend got a crush on my ... more
I know, right? I LOVE compersion! It's not so fun when you are busily biting the head off your lover only to have the other one tell you that you're being a bitch and to stop it...but it does keep the knock down drag out fights to a dull roar so I can't really complain.

My guys are planning to build a fall out shelter with a bowling alley and home theater right now...ahhhh good times, good times!
08/30/2012