The New Intimacy

Do you have to be bisexual to get the most out of a polyamorous relationship that involves other men and women?

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Contributor: callsignhusker callsignhusker
Personally I don't see gender as a big barrier like some people. I'm comfortable saying I'm a Bi male though.. I think in a polyamorous relationship its better if everyone feels like they can be affectionate with everyone else. That's my personal opinion. But I'm curious if being bisexual enables you to do that or if being Bi isn't a big deal etc...

Just wondering
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes
8  (12%)
No
51  (74%)
Undecided
10  (14%)
Total votes: 69
Poll is closed
03/07/2011
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Contributor: Destri Destri
I tend to agree with you that it would be a lot better if everyone was bi. I think a true poly relationship means everyone gets to be affectionate with everyone else and if one or more of the people involved are not able to do this, and not able to have sex with one another, it makes it sort of creepy. Just my opinion folks!
03/08/2011
Contributor: callsignhusker callsignhusker
Remember though guys that you could have a poly relationship of lets say 3 guys that are all gay.. in other words remember that my question and poll are specific to a relationship larger than 2 people involving men and women. Thanks for the thoughtful response Destri!
03/08/2011
Contributor: SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by callsignhusker
Personally I don't see gender as a big barrier like some people. I'm comfortable saying I'm a Bi male though.. I think in a polyamorous relationship its better if everyone feels like they can be affectionate with everyone else. ... more
I have to agree with you it deff is alot better if all parties involved were as affectionate with everyone so no one feel sleft out or excluded
03/09/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by callsignhusker
Personally I don't see gender as a big barrier like some people. I'm comfortable saying I'm a Bi male though.. I think in a polyamorous relationship its better if everyone feels like they can be affectionate with everyone else. ... more
My guys are completely heterosexual and they are still very affectionate with each other in a male sort of way (making silly jokes, laughing with each other and that sort of thing). We do enjoy having a threesome but we also enjoy each relationship in couples. It works nearly the same when they have female lovers. I am not bi-sexual but I enjoy group sex. Not being bi-sexual hasn't caused us to not feel affectionate and loving toward each other, the only thing we don't do is pair off in same sex for sex.

I fail to see why it's creepy that my guys don't have sex with each other but deeply love and care for each other...they don't have a sexual relationship but it doesn't stop them from caring about each other. To me the sentiment that 'if everyone isn't fucking in a relationship then it's creepy' smacks of reverse discimination.
03/10/2011
Contributor: aBeastlyLittleThing aBeastlyLittleThing
Quote:
Originally posted by callsignhusker
Personally I don't see gender as a big barrier like some people. I'm comfortable saying I'm a Bi male though.. I think in a polyamorous relationship its better if everyone feels like they can be affectionate with everyone else. ... more
no ways!
03/12/2011
Contributor: Miss Jenn Miss Jenn
Quote:
Originally posted by callsignhusker
Personally I don't see gender as a big barrier like some people. I'm comfortable saying I'm a Bi male though.. I think in a polyamorous relationship its better if everyone feels like they can be affectionate with everyone else. ... more
I dont think you have to be bi. If you want the most out of it - then maybe. But I dont think you "have" to be bi.
03/12/2011
Contributor: BelleIsabelle15 BelleIsabelle15
I have a lot of three somes with my husband and other men, he's not bi, but I am ( something I just figured out), so we also have threesomes with another woman. Either way, it works.
03/17/2011
Contributor: callsignhusker callsignhusker
Quote:
Originally posted by BelleIsabelle15
I have a lot of three somes with my husband and other men, he's not bi, but I am ( something I just figured out), so we also have threesomes with another woman. Either way, it works.
That's so cool, but what do you mean he's not bi, what do you mean you have threesomes with another guy, are you all affectionate with eachother or are just the guys affectionate with you?
03/17/2011
Contributor: neon neon
i think it helps
04/03/2011
Contributor: horngry horngry
it's better but you can do it without being bi too
04/13/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
I think it does help, but really you just have to me okay with sleeping with the same sex. You dont have to label yourself.
05/12/2011
Contributor: callsignhusker callsignhusker
I wonder if reponses to this poll have been wholly rational or are more grounded in wishful thinking.. Although, I must say, I like to think that anyone can get alot out of polyamory, not just bi's. Ty for all the responses
05/26/2011
Contributor: callsignhusker callsignhusker
I think most people are bi/pan, and that they just don't know it because society hasn't told them it's OK. It helps to at least be open to the possibility of being with men and women.
01/02/2012
Contributor: chibi1091 chibi1091
I think the answer is circumstantial and depends on the people involved, so it's hard to say.
01/12/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
Quote:
Originally posted by callsignhusker
Personally I don't see gender as a big barrier like some people. I'm comfortable saying I'm a Bi male though.. I think in a polyamorous relationship its better if everyone feels like they can be affectionate with everyone else. ... more
i think it expands your options a lot. lol
01/23/2012
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
how does being bisexual help the relationship? I think a lot of you are misunderstanding what a poly amorous relationship is in the first place. I gotta echo Airen on this one lol
01/23/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Ms. Spice
how does being bisexual help the relationship? I think a lot of you are misunderstanding what a poly amorous relationship is in the first place. I gotta echo Airen on this one lol
It could add a dimension to the sex but as far as the relationship itself? Not as important, at least for us. Sigel and Arch are affectionate and they show it in many little ways they just have no interest in having sex with each other! Given that one of our kinks is power play and group sex they do have SOME things they do that could be considered sexual but they don't get down and dirty. I've had experiences where our third is bi and it's great but to be honest it isn't all that different in the long run. Each have their own dimentions and high points, if that makes sense.
01/31/2012
Contributor: Apirka Apirka
No, I don't think so.
03/03/2012
Contributor: Tangles Tangles
They wouldn't get any more than straight or gay people, no.
04/02/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
I'm not sure what "the most" means in this context - if everyone is happy with the situation and is getting what they want from it, then that rocks. I don't think orientation has a huge effect on that.
05/18/2012
Contributor: Lady of the Lab Lady of the Lab
Both my male fiancé & I are pansexual and poly. Does it help? Well, I don't think it hurts...

I think rather than getting the "most out of poly", a lot of insecurities are brushed aside that can help with tearing down barriers holding back affection, from my experience.

UPDATE: I would say that sexuality is not a hard & fast indicator of poly relationship success.
06/28/2012
Contributor: richsam richsam
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I tend to agree with you that it would be a lot better if everyone was bi. I think a true poly relationship means everyone gets to be affectionate with everyone else and if one or more of the people involved are not able to do this, and not able to ... more
i agree its better but i guess u dont have to be bi
09/26/2012
Contributor: smlove smlove
Affection can be shown in a myriad of ways, and not cross people's sexual boundaries. I think as long as everyone is open and honest with themselves and each other, then things can work out. My wife and I are lesbians. We have an unfortunate habit of falling for straight girls. A lot of these straight girls are still in our life, because they are wonderful people and we enjoy their company. We love them and they love us. Some of them we kiss on the lips ( a family kiss, we call it), while other prefer that not happen. Some cuddle with us and even sleep in bed with us, others prefer their own sleeping quarters.
I don't know that it makes things "easier" to be bisexual. There are a lot of straight girls that make out or even have sex with other girls, for a myriad of reasons that have nothing to do with being bi or lesbian.
I think as long as you're secure in yourself, you can be in whatever kind of relationship with whomever you want. Some friends of ours include a woman with her two husbands. The husbands have been intimate once or twice, but don't identify as gay. Mostly they are 'brothers', and they take pleasure in both caring for their mutual wife.
10/01/2012
Contributor: VanillaFreeSex VanillaFreeSex
since i'm bi i am probably biased. but i've seen connections made even when there isn't anything sexual between certain parties. it doesn't take sex to be close, to click, to be fam. i could see myself in a V and only being with the male and not the female even though i am bisexual. i still see a benefit to such a relationship.and i feel i would still have something to offer to a straight woman in other ways
11/04/2012
Contributor: moongirl moongirl
I tend to think that polyamorous relationships aren't the best idea to begin with. I think people often make them sound great, but in reality they often lead to hurt feelings and jealousy on someone's part.
11/04/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by moongirl
I tend to think that polyamorous relationships aren't the best idea to begin with. I think people often make them sound great, but in reality they often lead to hurt feelings and jealousy on someone's part.
If I used your logic then I would have to believe that all relationships, regardless of the number of people involved, are not a good idea. So many monogamous relationships lead to hurt feelings and jealousy on someone's part.
If I were to believe everything I read, and hear, monogamous people spend 75% of their day trying to catch their partner cheating on them and the other 25% planning what to do to them if they do catch them. Since that's OBVIOUSLY not true and ridiculous I think I'll chalk it all up to the loudest voice getting the attention.

I wish people would really stop for a minute and actually LISTEN to poly folk...JEALOUSY is NOT the biggest hurdle in a poly relationship time management, or communication is.
11/07/2012
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by callsignhusker
Personally I don't see gender as a big barrier like some people. I'm comfortable saying I'm a Bi male though.. I think in a polyamorous relationship its better if everyone feels like they can be affectionate with everyone else. ... more
nope!
11/07/2012
Contributor: earthmama earthmama
It isn't a huge barrier, but I think it wouldn't hurt if everyone involved was bi. I think the one I was in would have worked out better if I had been overtly sexually attracted to the other woman in the triangle.
06/30/2013