The New Intimacy

Which of these two terms do you prefer?

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Contributor: Lara Lara
I don't know if this is me being a prude or old fashioned or a language Nazi or whatever, but I've never liked "cum." For me it's just... ugh. I've got absolutely no problem with kink or vulgarity, but that one word gets to me. I'm cool with seriously freaky bedroom behavior but I cringe when I read "cum."

I'm curious as to other people's thoughts on "cum" versus "come" as terms to describe achieving orgasm. At the end of the day it's all good, but what's your preference?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
cum
Nickisonehere , Adriana Ravenlust , bodymodboy , Wrecked-Czech , Naughty Student , Oggins , Avery Dragon , Sammi , Miss Cinnamon , Boxers Over Briefs , Nashville , Liz2 , jakjak , Anica , VelvetBound , Fun Lover , jedent , Rose Unlocked , Jessica Elizabeth , Minxy , ~*SurrealisticFantasy*~ , deceased , Gary , Average Joe , Angel deSanguine , User Unknown , KBToys24 , El-Jaro , MuffysPinguLove , Gunsmoke , Jul!a , RosesThorns , Victoria , Luvasaurus , Darling Dove , xsapphirexangelx , Airen Wolf , sbremer , Shawna-Fry , Owl Identified , Luscious Lily , ToyTimeTim , Andromeda , Gardenvy , TitsMcScandal , Chorus Line , VictoriaRose , LuLu Love , ~LaUr3n~ , Jess , Hannah Savage , Tori Rebel , Waterfall , trios , LiftedUp , Sidewinder , SexyySarah , beautifulpierced , Alicia , Red Vinyl Kitty , Lady Venus , ToyingCouple , Pleasure Piratess , petite-n-sweet , BJismyname , Not here , Kindred , testing123 , B8trDude , Coralbell , twistedheartsx , tim1724 , Persephone Nightmare , PurpleBerry , DeliciousSurprise , Mr. E , new southern girl , Sensual husband , Anally Fixated , Bon Bon , Jobthingy , Viktor Vysheslav Malkin , Illusional , Onanist , clp , SexyTabby , The Nakanas , Love Buzz , Shh! , leatherlover , mm4sa , lemony , Darkestraven , TiffyPixie , VanillaFreeSex , MasterBlaster , Canabal , Teaser , Shellz31 , staceejaxxx , danellejohns , moonch1ld , Morganna , FLFan , Kissaki , vanillaSpice , PussyGalore , tits only , Beaners , pfoof , qqqqqqqqqqqq , Airekah , TheSinDoll , indiglo , pinkcupcakes , markeagleone , UnknownGirl , Ladyt1003 , C4ss , Hadespark , mikebooks , Linga , Happy Camper , rdytogo , VenusianThunder , Yesenia , Taylor Von , sasweetheart89 , Mr. & Mrs. Peg , married with children , Lady Marmelade , Michelle Menace , *HisMrs* , CafeSabroso , wetone123 , MaryExy , RonLee , JennyGbaby , RomeroB , ac0313 , Lummox , Rossie , mandiegk , kawigrl , amandaco2011 , Lolla Munz , *Huxley* , starsNairguitars , sassyNsensual , barrettbn2 , Diabolical Kitty , nicole07 , BadassFatass , Solar Ray , w-o-name , cobiffle , extrafun , Checkmate , tickle me pink , PiratePrincess , Cedarlooman , hornypoet69 , cnspots , newfoundlust , Mr. Poopy Pants , teeny <3 , luvendia , SugarAndSpice , bunny love , sarki , Kdlips , Dizzykakes , jay28 , froggiemoma , padmeamidala , Sex'и'Violence , REDRUM , Nando , DCorrelle , CuteDee , Akira , Elaira , stlouisxxx , Devz , Pinkhare , 724-6924 , KrissyRoro , UunicornN , NarcissisticLust , cec578 , Ukulele Guy , gehuwd , ToyBoy , big b , CAKES , FreeAsMyHair , angel142stx , Screaming Violet , KinkyKrissy , HollisJ , Latsyrc728 , Nissa Nissa , dudemeister , bayosgirl , Jess.McCleod , Kitty Grub , Beck , Starkiller87 , swf , caligaliber , Jon S , Sunshineamine , Master Crimson , mcl272 , WhoopieDoo , EvilHomer , EndlessFrost , geliebt , Antipova , Ms. Spice , The Curious Couple , DeliciousDrip , CreamySweet , Illumin8 , BabyL0ve , PunkyB , AndroAngel , Princess-Kayla ♥ , jeangel246 , LambChop , LowFreqFreak , lovemuscle n cookie , fromazoo , lacybutton , unfulfilled , Ciao. , jj1228 , sekmetrn , Girly Girl , Lucky21 , Missmarc , Cherrylane , ConnerJay , PrettiGirlRock , allybee , eeep , ilbelsole , aimtoplease , Sinfully , Kate , Emma Star Baby , PassionateLover2 , CoffeeCup , mpfm , Peggi , ily , Kendrir , tlaskowski , shcoo , SweetSurprise , Snozzberries , LilLostLenore , Highmaintenancegirl916 , Nazaress , (k)InkyIvy , Apirka , fabidefabi , ViVix , Harpina is gone , LennaKieran , Artishok , CanadianChick , AHubbyof2SexualMinds , Mikemanz , SecretKinksters , AliMc , BrittaniMaree , BG529 , skeeterlynn , Geogeo , LoooveMonkey , Trysexual , cicispizzaisyummy , MidnightStorm , PropertyOfPotter , Supervixen , Sweet-n-Playful , hhh , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , LovesAPoet , Kenneth Fort , Lildrummrgurl7 , Aftertherain13 , Kirill1171 , Hubby80 , travelnurse , shorejen9 , GirlOnGirl , marigolds6 , johnnyjohn , ArcaneBlast , Mrs.Tee , atryonix , spiced , Bignuf , Martiniman , Falsepast , CaseyDeuce , 1001 Pleasures , Lovesickalien , Lowl , Bleu , fizzygato , Strider , Gleb , Rokmai , SexyStuff , Allison.Wilder , eri86 , PassionCpl , ChaiMocha , Bubba29
322  (74%)
come
Tuesday , Epiphora , Lara , Mamastoys , LilyLust , Viv , Carrie Ann , Miss KissThis , Backseat Boohoo , Snappy , DreamyLove , ZenaidaMacroura , Pumpkin Lady , Jimbo Jones , Rockin' , Femme Mystique , imp , Beautiful Dreamer , Miss Jane , Passionate Pastor , ♥ Amanda ♥ , Jenn (aka kissmykitty) , Ajax , Sundae , SatisfiedWife , cherryredhead88 , ToyGeek , Alan & Michele , softcoeur , GNGenie , Elodie , P'Gell , Sera , Gatita , JPito , Selective Sensualist , sexysweetieshan , twilightsun , Darling Jen , FVWhitechapel , deltalima , Jessica Rose , nolongerhere , the bedroom blogger , Hot'n'Bothered , Kinkyquing , null , BenEatsSauerkraut , KnK , potstickers , darthkitt3n , RubenesqueAna , misslady , Vaccinium , Armsjlove , Alys , zeebot , Valentinka , dlw , Pixel , BexvanKoot , 0 , (Re)tired Stripper , sixfootsex , joja , liilii080 , Howells , Noira , zracer , Petite Valentine , Eucaly , Sohotdinosaur , Ryuson , K101 , G.L. Morrison , Jenyana , Velocifero , Eva Schwaltz , Kkay , Love Perpetua , aliceinthehole , Diablotin , Chul , Paladin Fantasys , Ivy Wilde , LQ , Silverdrop , badk1tty , mudpie , llellsee , Tessa Taboo , wrmbreze , SaraU29 , Jake'n'bake , dhig , CrystaCat , Do-Re-Mi , Entropy , Curiouscat , oneeyedoctopus , Jaimes , PleasurableThings , wdanas , Positwist , Gone (LD29) , Girly Juice , kitty1949 , DomonCoshu , Cat E. , Intrepid Niddering , kdlt , ToyBunny , roskat , phoenixfire , mdnght
115  (26%)
Total votes: 437
Poll is closed
05/25/2009
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Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
I don't know if I have a preference really, but "cum" isn't ambiguous between, one, orgasms and, two, arriving (like "come" is).
05/25/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
I don't know if I have a preference really, but "cum" isn't ambiguous between, one, orgasms and, two, arriving (like "come" is).
I agree. I NEVER read "come" and think "orgasm." It bothers me a lot when authors use that version.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
I started using "come" a while back because "cum" freaks me out. I can't explain it.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Epiphora
I started using "come" a while back because "cum" freaks me out. I can't explain it.
I don't like the word 'cum' either. I don't think I've read one sentence where the use of the word 'come' was ambiguous.
05/25/2009
Contributor: bodymodboy bodymodboy
I use either term interchangeably. Cum sounds a bit more "hardcore" and, in most situations, I just say "orgasm". I like that word. It's funny to say like avacado. Yep, I have a list of favorite words, and cum/come are hand in hand, and I definitely understand and respect individuals' preferences.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I prefer using the actual terms rather than slang but when I write slang I use the term "cum" for sperm and "come" for orgasm. But I have no problem with either.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Oggins Oggins
Wow, I never realized that some might not like the word "cum". I personally don't have a problem with it and I use "come" and "cum" both. I just never really thought about it as being vulgar or slang I guess. Thanks for bringing this up! =)
05/25/2009
Contributor: Mamastoys Mamastoys
Quote:
Originally posted by Epiphora
I started using "come" a while back because "cum" freaks me out. I can't explain it.
It freaks me out too..not sure why...I know what it means
05/25/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
I don't like the word 'cum' either. I don't think I've read one sentence where the use of the word 'come' was ambiguous.
Here's one:

Suppose your gf/bf calls and says, "Please, come for me". Should you respond with something like:

1) What? I'm not gonna jack off right now, I'm at dinner with my family!

Or:

2) I can't go to your rehearsal now, I'm at dinner with my family.

Well, it's going to depend on the context (as you agree, I'm sure). But it's not clear in every single context how to respond. Although you're right that it's not a great many situations in which it's unclear.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Avery Dragon Avery Dragon
This is a pretty insiteful thread, never really thought that people had a dislike toward the word. I've never really associated "come" with sexual thoughts..aside from "come into my room" *I'm a dork* I guess it's the same thing as to when I hear certain refferences to the female anatomy.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I prefer using the actual terms rather than slang but when I write slang I use the term "cum" for sperm and "come" for orgasm. But I have no problem with either.
To me, cum IS the actual word because.. "come" doesn't make any sense. lOL
05/25/2009
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
It depends for me - I don't mind either one, but usually use "cum" for orgasm.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
Here's one:

Suppose your gf/bf calls and says, "Please, come for me". Should you respond with something like:

1) What? I'm not gonna jack off right now, I'm at dinner with my family!

Or:

2) I ... more
Over the phone you wouldn't know whether someone said 'cum' or 'come'.

In written communication, you would always know by context which meaning was intended. Even if that single request were texted to you, you would know by whatever communications preceded it what was meant.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
Over the phone you wouldn't know whether someone said 'cum' or 'come'.

In written communication, you would always know by context which meaning was intended. Even if that single request were texted to you, you would know ... more
The point of what I said is that it's not always clear which is meant (like in the case I gave which gives no details). Such lack of information in a context is part of what gives rise to (lexical) ambiguity (rather than grammatical/structural ambiguity).

I don't see why you think it's impossible that such ambiguity arises, though. Suppose I say to you: I want you to come right now. How are you possibly going to determine which use of "come" I have in mind?

Similarly, suppose I say: I went to the bank yesterday. How are you possibly going to determine whether I meant river bank or money bank (like Bank of America)? It can't be that "you would know by whatever communications preceded it what was meant". Why? Because I didn't give you any information at all.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Viv Viv
I've always preferred "come" as well. No idea what that means either.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
The point of what I said is that it's not always clear which is meant (like in the case I gave which gives no details). Such lack of information in a context is part of what gives rise to (lexical) ambiguity (rather than grammatical/structural ... more
"Suppose I say to you: I want you to come right now. How are you possibly going to determine which use of "come" I have in mind?"

By whether or not your penis is in my vagina or I'm masturbating.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
Here's one:

Suppose your gf/bf calls and says, "Please, come for me". Should you respond with something like:

1) What? I'm not gonna jack off right now, I'm at dinner with my family!

Or:

2) I ... more
J.L. Austin made a good point when he said context is a deal-breaker in language, especially performative statements.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by Epiphora
"Suppose I say to you: I want you to come right now. How are you possibly going to determine which use of "come" I have in mind?"

By whether or not your penis is in my vagina or I'm masturbating.
lol

Actually, maybe you're being serious, I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure what is being disagreed upon anymore.

The word "come" is clearly lexically ambiguous. It has two very clearly different meanings. Is the disagreement about this?

Or is the disagreement about whether or not such situations occur in which this ambiguity "matters"? Again, I say yes (as I've experienced such situations).

Either way, I don't know what's being disagreed upon. Maybe I missed someone's point.
05/25/2009
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I prefer using the actual terms rather than slang but when I write slang I use the term "cum" for sperm and "come" for orgasm. But I have no problem with either.
I am with Naughty on this one. When I read or write "cum" I am thinking sperm and "come" in the proper context means orgasm to me. Maybe it's association with body fluids is what makes it more vulgar to some? Or maybe it's just me.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
J.L. Austin made a good point when he said context is a deal-breaker in language, especially performative statements.
I know almost zero about Austin, sorry

Is the quote getting at his view that performative statements have no truth-values? Also, he was an ordinary language theorist which isn't a very good view anymore lol
05/25/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
I am with Naughty on this one. When I read or write "cum" I am thinking sperm and "come" in the proper context means orgasm to me. Maybe it's association with body fluids is what makes it more vulgar to some? Or maybe it's just me.
What if you read the sentence "Bob is cumming all over me right now. Fuck!" (lol)

Would you think something like this to yourself: "cumming" isn't a word?

I agree with yours and Naughty Students intuition about "cum" and "come", but I also have the intuition that the sentence about Bob sounds okay (and that "cumming" is a word).

So now I'm just confused lol
05/25/2009
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
lol

Actually, maybe you're being serious, I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure what is being disagreed upon anymore.

The word "come" is clearly lexically ambiguous. It has two very clearly different meanings. ... more
"Or is the disagreement about whether or not such situations occur in which this ambiguity "matters"? Again, I say yes (as I've experienced such situations)."

The disagreement (which you started) is about the fact that this ambiguity is not ambiguous as long as context is known.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Lara Lara
Regarding the ambiguity... I think Epiphora said it best (I'm still chuckling), but I'll echo the idea. Meaning can be derived from context.

I've got nothing invested in people's preferences one way or the other. "Cum" as a word freaks me out, but I'm thrilled to be in good company. I just don't think it makes sense to say that one term is better than other - especially because of something like ambiguity.

The Oxford English Dictionary doesn't have an entry for "cum" but does show that "come" can be used to refer to orgasm. I wonder if this is a cultural thing.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Lara Lara
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
What if you read the sentence "Bob is cumming all over me right now. Fuck!" (lol)

Would you think something like this to yourself: "cumming" isn't a word?

I agree with yours and Naughty Students intuition about ... more
Nick - no one has said that "cum" isn't a word. We're talking about what word we prefer to use. We've also not said anything about one word being better. I think there's a general consensus that either is fine, but we all have our quirky little preferences.

Can we drop the whole ambiguity discussion? Or if you're really interested in it, perhaps move it to another thread?

That conversation about incentives to vote other reviewers down is still echoing in my mind and I can totally see this conversation going down that same inane, needlessly complicated route (which is a shame because I think what Backseat Boohoo was saying about language and meaning is pretty darned cool).
05/25/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
What if you read the sentence "Bob is cumming all over me right now. Fuck!" (lol)

Would you think something like this to yourself: "cumming" isn't a word?

I agree with yours and Naughty Students intuition about ... more
"he was an ordinary language theorist which isn't a very good view anymore lol"

Nonsense. Austin is the backbone of many incredible modern theorists, such as Judith Butler, who is one of the most intelligent creatures we human beings have ever produced.

If you're an actor in a movie and you have a marriage ceremony, you aren't actually marrying the actress, because the context isn't right. If I write "come for me" in a sexual scenario, you're not going to think I want you to come to my new play that's opening tomorrow, because the context isn't right.

And if you're stupid enough to read "come for me" in the middle of phone sex or whatever and think I mean "come to my new play that's opening tomorrow" instead, you're too stupid for me to want to fuck you, anyway.

In a spoken context, it wouldn't matter, unless you sit there and spell it out to your partner ("c-o-m-e f-o-r m-e!" "w-h-e-n-s y-o-u-r-e p-l-a-y-?"). Or if you were sitting there doing sign language, which I'm sure is a rare occurrence.

Epiphora and Lara say things in a much more elegant and clear manner than I can, so bravo to them.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
"he was an ordinary language theorist which isn't a very good view anymore lol"

Nonsense. Austin is the backbone of many incredible modern theorists, such as Judith Butler, who is one of the most intelligent creatures we human ... more
PS: I'm pretty sure this poll is simply asking how you spell the term when you write it.
05/25/2009
Contributor: Epiphora Epiphora
Quote:
Originally posted by Lara
Nick - no one has said that "cum" isn't a word. We're talking about what word we prefer to use. We've also not said anything about one word being better. I think there's a general consensus that either is fine, but we all ... more
Yes, listen to Lara! This is her thread and it's about spelling.
05/26/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
"he was an ordinary language theorist which isn't a very good view anymore lol"

Nonsense. Austin is the backbone of many incredible modern theorists, such as Judith Butler, who is one of the most intelligent creatures we human ... more
I'm getting more and more confused lol

Here are the things confusing to me. If someone can explain this to me, please do. So Epiphora said "...ambiguity is not ambiguous as long as context is known." And then Lara said "Meaning can be derived from context." And then you gave examples of how context can fix which sense of "come" to lock on to. You also hinted at the ambiguity being a "rare occurrence."

So, I'm confused. Do you all agree that it's ambiguous? Epiphora, I agree that when each party knows the context of utterance then there isn't going to be ambiguity. But, the examples I described explicitly noted the lack of information to pinpoint a context. Is your view that the context is always known? And Lara, I agree that meaning can be derived from context. Backseat Boohoo, I think your point was similar, with your marriage and "too ftupid for me to want to fuck..." examples. Did I say something inconsistent with these things, or that implied that I thought otherwise?

As far as I know, no lexically ambiguous word is KNOWN in EVERY context. And of course there's USUALLY enough information to tell which sense of a word to latch on to, such as in Backseat's "too stupid for me to want to fuck you" example. But there isn't ALWAYS such information: there are SOME cases in which there isn't enough information for one to KNOW which context the word was uttered in. Suppose you get a text message from an unknown number completely out of the blue which reads: "come for me". How are you going to know what sense of "come" the person has in mind. Of course there is SOMETIMES more information involved to let you know, and I agree that there usually is (I even expressed those very same sentiments in the second post of mine on here). But there's isn't always.

So, is this a "rare occurrence"? Yes, sure it is. But that's true of lots of ambiguous words. How often are you confused about whether or not someone means river bank or money bank when they say "bank"? I can't think of a single time I've been confused about it. But this is paradigmatic case of ambiguity. Moreover though, for a word to count as ambiguous there don't EVER have to be actual cases where a person is confused about which sense of a word to lock on to.

Maybe you all have the opinion that one (almost) always knows the context, so the reason I gave for preferring "cum" over "come" isn't a good one. I dunno, maybe that's right. I think I implied that it was a minor point though, and someone agreed with me that she's at times found "come" misleading.

Does everyone agree with that, or am I just like completely missing something?
05/26/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
I'm getting more and more confused lol

Here are the things confusing to me. If someone can explain this to me, please do. So Epiphora said "...ambiguity is not ambiguous as long as context is known." And then Lara said ... more
Using the same example, if somebody wants me to go somewhere, they aren't going to text, "Come FOR me." It makes no sense, and it's not enough information. Where am I going? Why am I doing it for you? Unless we've had a previous conversation where I said I didn't want to go somewhere they wanted to go, and they did it as a sort of plea.

Back to Austin, there are tons of ways that statement could face infelicities (see the "somewhere they wanted to go" example), but that's really not the matter at hand. The matter is that "cum" and "come" are essentially the same word, this poll is just figuring out how people prefer to spell it. "Come" and "cum," spoken, mean the same thing when they are spoken because there's no spelling in speaking unless you're verbally spelling something out.

So it wouldn't matter if you personally spelled it "cum" or "come" in your head during speaking, because given the situation, people are going to hear it and know what you want. Really, there's a huge difference between coming to someone's house and coming during sex, and like I said, if we're mid-fuck and I say "come" and you think I want you to walk across the room, I don't want your stupid ass. How you want to spell it is a personal preference.

There are ambiguities in language, of course; I personally believe every person has their own individual vernacular, which is what leads to those ambiguities. But the point I'm trying to make is that the difference between come (sexual) and come (movement) doesn't leave much room for ambiguity.
05/26/2009