At a Loss of What to Do... :(

For those that remember my previous posts about birth control, well I've been off the stuff for about 4-5 months now, and I have no drive still. It's to the point I don't even feel for my loving boyfriend and could care less if he leaves me for another woman, I just don't want anything to do with him anymore. The relationship is fine, granted I'm a bit stressed, (about my home life and work), but ever since being on the pills my libido faded away and doesn't want to come back. I don't even want to use my toys anymore.

I tried going to my OBGYN to ask for a hormone level check but she refuses, saying I'm too young, they only do it for middle-aged women. I'll be losing my medical soon, too, since I was covered by my dad's until graduating college. I've tried various herbal things to get some spark of a libido but nothing. (Maca, horny goat weed, tongkat ali, eluthero root...) I'm not on any medications at all right now.

I need some advice on what to do, not just for me, but for my boyfriend because I feel so bad he has to deal with this. He wants to fix it, but you can't just 'fix' a person when it's biologically related. He wanted to have a future with me someday, and with me being like this I don't want to be living a lie and get married but have 0 intimacy or anything. That's just not fair to him, he's only 18 and I'm 22--I don't want him to lose all the opportunities in his future.

Has anyone had something similar and how did you pull through it? Sorry for the drama, just been real depressed over it and I'm not sure what to do, my family isn't sex positive or anything, it's more like a taboo, and same with his family because it's so religious. less

For those that remember my previous posts about birth control, well I've been off the stuff for about 4-5 months now, and I have no drive still. It's to the point I don't even feel for my loving boyfriend and could care less if he leaves me for another woman, I just don't want anything to do with him anymore. The relationship is fine, granted I'm a bit stressed, (about my home life and work), but ever since being on the pills my libido faded away and doesn't want to come back. I don't even want to use my toys anymore.

I tried going to my OBGYN to ask for a hormone level check but she refuses, saying I'm too young, they only do it for middle-aged women. I'll be losing my medical soon, too, since I was covered by my dad's until graduating college. I've tried various herbal things to get some spark of a libido but nothing. (Maca, horny goat weed, tongkat ali, eluthero root...) I'm not on any medications at all right now.

I need some advice on what to do, not just for me, but for my boyfriend because I feel so bad he has to deal with this. He wants to fix it, but you can't just 'fix' a person when it's biologically related. He wanted to have a future with me someday, and with me being like this I don't want to be living a lie and get married but have 0 intimacy or anything. That's just not fair to him, he's only 18 and I'm 22--I don't want him to lose all the opportunities in his future.

Has anyone had something similar and how did you pull through it? Sorry for the drama, just been real depressed over it and I'm not sure what to do, my family isn't sex positive or anything, it's more like a taboo, and same with his family because it's so religious. less

You need to pressure your GYN to help you. It is your body and you know what is going on with it better than that doctor! I had the same issues as you while on BC. I was on the Nuvaring for years and basically hated affection and sex. I didn't even want to be touched. It was very stressful because my husband thought I wasnt attracted to him anymore and I didn't know what was wrong with me! I had NO interest in even having an orgasm alone. I couldn't even get aroused. It was truly awful, so I feel your pain!

Now, here's where our situations differ. I went off the ring and in about a month I was back to normal. Nuvaring is a low dose birth control. I am not sure what the difference is between Nuvaring and Low Ogestrel. It could take awhile for you to get back to normal. We use a diaphragm and condoms now. When I went in to get my diaphragm the doctor asked why I was going off the Nuvaring and when I told her my sex drive was non existent she wasn't surprised at all. She actually said, "Yea, I think that is how birth control works, you don't WANT to have sex."


Go read this article:
link

I actually read some other articles that say it can take awhile to gain your sex drive back. I truly feel your pain! Let me know how things go! less

Ya I know, has to do with SHBG in the liver. Some don't have their drives back for years. I studied all of that. I was one the pill not for sex, but because I suffered from dysmenorrhea really bad. Come to find out it's pent up from never orgasming. (I never could with hands or anything, not until I got a toy at 21--found out I have less painful periods now, even off the pill.)

Thing is it's a 20 dollar co-pay to see the OB, and I don't know if I go in and demand it that she may still refuse and then I still get charged the 20 dollars. I don't have the spine to go and be demanding lest I become afraid of being thrown out or something.... (I am quite timid and afraid of angering people.) less

Ya I know, has to do with SHBG in the liver. Some don't have their drives back for years. I studied all of that. I was one the pill not for sex, but because I suffered from dysmenorrhea really bad. Come to find out it's pent up from never orgasming. (I never could with hands or anything, not until I got a toy at 21--found out I have less painful periods now, even off the pill.)

Thing is it's a 20 dollar co-pay to see the OB, and I don't know if I go in and demand it that she may still refuse and then I still get charged the 20 dollars. I don't have the spine to go and be demanding lest I become afraid of being thrown out or something.... (I am quite timid and afraid of angering people.) less

Thyroid is okay, had a physical a year ago, all was well except cholesterol slightly high.

I'm not on any antideps, but my psychologist was always trying to push me into taking them, but I refuse.

As for performing for my bf, he doesn't pressure me, just he's a very cuddly and intimate young man, and me being so distant hurts him a lot to where it hurts me as well. He's a lovebug and needs his love, but it's hard when you don't feel it and feel his sadness is all your fault, you know?

As for the OBGYN, we don't have another in our building, and it's on my dad's insurance, so he'd have to switch me. Problem is I don't know how to drive and no car, and my family isn't supportive, hence the question of if there's another place I can go to. I've tried stressing it to my dad but I tell him it's because I feel depressed and moody since using the pills, not that I have no libido. (He'd be happy if he learned I have no sex drive.)

Oh, and I was on Low Ogestrel for 2 years and that's it. Tried a higher dose one one time, had crying spells for no reason, switched back after that one month, but I don't remember the high dose one.... less

I understand the lack of desire to be on antidepressants, but this really does sound like more than just lack of sex drive due to the residual effects of birth control. While I think your OBGYN should test you for hormonal imbalance if you request it, he or she is also right that the odds of hormonal issues at your age are very low.

The odds are much more likely that you have a depressive issue that is being exacerbated by the lack of sex drive and your unhappiness about it. I think you should consider an exploration of the idea that your symptoms are caused by a serotonin problem, not a hormone problem. less

Thyroid is okay, had a physical a year ago, all was well except cholesterol slightly high.

I'm not on any antideps, but my psychologist was always trying to push me into taking them, but I refuse.

As for performing for my bf, he doesn't pressure me, just he's a very cuddly and intimate young man, and me being so distant hurts him a lot to where it hurts me as well. He's a lovebug and needs his love, but it's hard when you don't feel it and feel his sadness is all your fault, you know?

As for the OBGYN, we don't have another in our building, and it's on my dad's insurance, so he'd have to switch me. Problem is I don't know how to drive and no car, and my family isn't supportive, hence the question of if there's another place I can go to. I've tried stressing it to my dad but I tell him it's because I feel depressed and moody since using the pills, not that I have no libido. (He'd be happy if he learned I have no sex drive.)

Oh, and I was on Low Ogestrel for 2 years and that's it. Tried a higher dose one one time, had crying spells for no reason, switched back after that one month, but I don't remember the high dose one.... less

I agree. Depression leads to low sex drive leads to depression, etc. It's a cycle. And although SSRI antidepressants are known to cause a decreased libido, some do not. Specifically Wellbutrin (generic is buproprion).

I also think you need to think about what you're going to do after you're not on your dad's insurance anymore. Too many Americans don't have health insurance, and it's a huge burden on the system. less

For those that remember my previous posts about birth control, well I've been off the stuff for about 4-5 months now, and I have no drive still. It's to the point I don't even feel for my loving boyfriend and could care less if he leaves me for another woman, I just don't want anything to do with him anymore. The relationship is fine, granted I'm a bit stressed, (about my home life and work), but ever since being on the pills my libido faded away and doesn't want to come back. I don't even want to use my toys anymore.

I tried going to my OBGYN to ask for a hormone level check but she refuses, saying I'm too young, they only do it for middle-aged women. I'll be losing my medical soon, too, since I was covered by my dad's until graduating college. I've tried various herbal things to get some spark of a libido but nothing. (Maca, horny goat weed, tongkat ali, eluthero root...) I'm not on any medications at all right now.

I need some advice on what to do, not just for me, but for my boyfriend because I feel so bad he has to deal with this. He wants to fix it, but you can't just 'fix' a person when it's biologically related. He wanted to have a future with me someday, and with me being like this I don't want to be living a lie and get married but have 0 intimacy or anything. That's just not fair to him, he's only 18 and I'm 22--I don't want him to lose all the opportunities in his future.

Has anyone had something similar and how did you pull through it? Sorry for the drama, just been real depressed over it and I'm not sure what to do, my family isn't sex positive or anything, it's more like a taboo, and same with his family because it's so religious. less

I had been on the pill for about 5 years and went off about 3-4 months ago. My sex drive is definitely higher, but a think school and stress has really gotten in the way of things. However, I think my body hasn't fully responded to an absence of the hormones yet (my boobs are still fluctuating size, which is weird) so maybe you're body hasn't fully adjusted yet.

My few nuggets of advice are:

1. Work out. I have found that it gives me energy instead of sucking it away, and I can target that to sex.
2. If you are really stuck with the one doctor, go to her again with print outs etc to back you up about your concerns. Or look again into other doctors; is there another in that office? Is there a college or university nearby with a health center? Free clinic? Keep looking, especially if this really is a hormonal problem. And can your boyfriend drive you anywhere? I don't have a license either, so I know how much of a pain this shit can be.
3. And this may rile some people up: sometimes when I was still on the pill, my drive was looooww, and I couldn't care less if I ever had sex again. But sometimes I would just do it anyway. Not because my man was pushing or pleading; I would just say to myself "Alright, self, it'll make you feel better." And most of the time, it did. I would get into it about 10 minutes in - basically, I wouldn't be horny until I was already having sex.
4. The old college try: weed and alcohol. If you're against buying illegals (understandable), I suggest just having a glass of wine or a beer. That wets me right up, even if I hadn't at all been thinking about sex. less

Well, semi good news. My dad helped my schedule an appointment at another facility that my grandma will have to be taking me to. The other one dad wanted to take me to didn't have an OBGYN. (They have an endocrinologist, though, but need a referal for that.

Now the 'semi' part is I'm going for a 2nd opinion, however they, too, can refuse to give me the blood test. I think this one is a male doctor, too, since the female is booked until March, not going to wait that long.

If I get refused for a test, I will be pissed. They could at least give me some options here, rather than the whole 'live with it' thing.

Seriously, why won't docters listen to us women when we *know* something is wrong? less