The New Intimacy

Here's an uncomfortable question that will make you think. Dare to answer?

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
So, today at the STD support group we came upon this question:

If your life partner/husband/wife had an STD, and you had never had sex, or never had sex unprotected (which would expose your to the STD) would you sacrifice your body for your love? What if not having sex meant not being able to start a family? Please choose from the choices below, and leave your reasons in the discussion. Answers are private, you may choose multiple answers.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I would leave if they kept it a secret from me that long.
95
I would contemplate a divorce, but I don't know if I would go through with it.
18
Yes, I would definitely sacrifice my body to make love to the one I care about.
5
I would only sacrifice my body for a disease that isn't fatal and has treatment options (Ex: Genital herpes. Excludes HIV/AIDS)
37
I would only sacrifice my body for the following STD (explain below)
1
I would continue to make love with my partner, but never without a condom. Even if that means not having children.
89
You can always adopt a child, or have a surrogate.
61
I would sacrifice my body, but make my partner use a form of birth control. STD's can be passed to children, and I do not want to risk having a sick child.
11
I would never get serious with someone who had an STD in the first place.
50
Hell no, I don't want a disease! Goodbye! It's over!
23
I would stay by my loved one's side and try to help them get treatment so that we could have sex safely.
41
I would be scared to contract an STD.
94
I'm not scared of an STD if it's for the one I love. Plus, there's treatment options.
12
I would do it, but money is definitely an object. STD treatment is too expensive.
9
Other (there has to be one... please explain)
13
Total votes: 559 (213 voters)
Poll is closed
05/30/2011
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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
I would personally make the sacrifice. I think the only STD I would not want to contract would be HIV/AIDS. I want to have children, and I want to have healthy children. I also want to be there for them when they grow older. This doesn't mean I would leave my partner. Maybe we could share mutual masturbation sessions, or other types of intimacy outside of actual sex. I would never think of leavin my fiance if he had HIV/AIDS. I love him too much to just go like that. If we're talking herpes, the clap, etc. then oh well. Yes, it's painful. Yes, it's unattractive. Yes, nobody wants it. But if it has treatment options, isn't fatal, and means I can still make love with my soon-to-be husband, then let's do it. I may be crazy for saying it, but when you love someone... I think you'd do almost anything.
05/30/2011
Contributor: Linga Linga
Nope, I wouldn't stay because 1/ they didn't tell me 2/ they must have lied because I would make sure to get tested and 3/ I don't want a disease
05/30/2011
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
I think I would give up my love for that person. It's really difficult, but I would know that there are other people out there for me. Not to mention I don't think I would be intimate with someone with an STD in the first place (unless it was something that could be fully cured, unlike HIV or Herpes).
05/30/2011
Contributor: newlady newlady
We've been married 26 years. If an STD showed up now... one of us would have some 'splainin' to do!
05/30/2011
Contributor: Red Vinyl Kitty Red Vinyl Kitty
I have never had children, and never, ever want them either. (Husband is fixed, too).

For me, there'd be NO reason to have unprotected sex with them, other than maybe making them feel better - but that wouldn't be a good enough reason for me.

I would be pretty upset if the person I married had an STI, knew about it, and didn't tell me. That would be a huge breach of trust. HUGE.

However, I would never count someone out 100% based on the fact that they had an STI. Not all STIs are passed on by being promiscuous. She or he may have been born with it, or may have been cheated on. I'd need to know a lot more about the situation, but my trust would be pretty rattled.
05/30/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So, today at the STD support group we came upon this question:

If your life partner/husband/wife had an STD, and you had never had sex, or never had sex unprotected (which would expose your to the STD) would you sacrifice your body for your ... more
If your partner has an STD that is too dangerous to allow an unprotected sex life then you can still have children. The sperm can be washed clean of viruses and then you can have IVF. Now it's not recommended but with anti-retrovirals you can even carry a healthy child to term if you have HIV. Personally, If I had HIV and wanted to have a child I would probably look to egg harvesting and surrogacy.

If Sigel or Arch were to contract an STD then it would definitely rattle us all. It's always the risk and we minimalize it as much as possible but we'd deal with it matter of factly. I wouldn't put my health at risk and I don't think either of them would want me to.
05/30/2011
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Very interesting situation. However, had I never had sex, or never had unprotected sex with that individual, we would NOT have progressed to the intimacy level where they had become MY life partner/husband/wife. Abstinence is not in my vocabulary.
05/30/2011
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Quote:
Originally posted by newlady
We've been married 26 years. If an STD showed up now... one of us would have some 'splainin' to do!
I Agree!
05/30/2011
Contributor: That Man from Mars That Man from Mars
I wouldn't leave someone because of a sickness they'd contracted. It's sad enough that they have it. I would use protection and be careful to not get it, though.
06/03/2011
Contributor: Anjulie Anjulie
Quote:
Originally posted by Linga
Nope, I wouldn't stay because 1/ they didn't tell me 2/ they must have lied because I would make sure to get tested and 3/ I don't want a disease
Same here--they lying plus i would not want to contract a disease.
06/03/2011
Contributor: NarcissisticLust NarcissisticLust
I'm not in a relationship where we have even considered children so I may not be able to sympathise to the same degree as people who are in that committed of a relationship however, hypothetically, it would be very dependent on the type of STD/STI, how long we had considered children and communication. If we had reached this point in our life and somehow we hadn't discussed STDs, I'm not sure if I could make that decision. That is a lot of trust.
06/03/2011
Contributor: CoffeeCup CoffeeCup
Quote:
Originally posted by Linga
Nope, I wouldn't stay because 1/ they didn't tell me 2/ they must have lied because I would make sure to get tested and 3/ I don't want a disease
Agreed.

Though, I'd be so angry/upset about those first two reasons I'm not sure I'd ever get as far as thinking about the third.

If they lied to me about something that big, I'd have to question the validity of everything they ever told me. I'd never trust them again. In fact, I'd probably feel disappointed in myself for having trusted them in the first place.
06/03/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So, today at the STD support group we came upon this question:

If your life partner/husband/wife had an STD, and you had never had sex, or never had sex unprotected (which would expose your to the STD) would you sacrifice your body for your ... more
It would depend on which STD. Things like herpes and even genital warts are self limiting most of the time, treatable and usually do not progress to anything serious. Genital warts and the virus that causes them usually even goes away by itself.

Things like syphilis, gonorrhea, Trichamonis, Chlamydia etc are CURABLE and many others are not a huge problem to a baby if treated or controlled. The treatments for these STD are NOT "expensive" by any stretch of the imagination. A week or so an an antibiotic or anti-parasite agent and you're good to go.

Really, HIV is the only STD that usually means "no fluid bonding" for life.
06/03/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
STDs for me are kind of a deal breaker particularly if it is one that would restrict the ability for us to have kids. I love kids and have always wanted a big family so if that drops off the table, so does the relationship for me.
06/05/2011
Contributor: daniel and frances daniel and frances
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So, today at the STD support group we came upon this question:

If your life partner/husband/wife had an STD, and you had never had sex, or never had sex unprotected (which would expose your to the STD) would you sacrifice your body for your ... more
That is such a difficult question. I have a friend who sacrificed herself in this way and I'm just not sure I could do it.
06/13/2011
Contributor: SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So, today at the STD support group we came upon this question:

If your life partner/husband/wife had an STD, and you had never had sex, or never had sex unprotected (which would expose your to the STD) would you sacrifice your body for your ... more
honetsly i wouldnt make lovetomyf iancee if he had aids or hiv i would for anything else treatment options ect ect
06/21/2011
Contributor: sarki sarki
I wouldn't stay
06/26/2011
Contributor: tickle me pink tickle me pink
Making sure my partner is disease-free is one of the first things I do before starting a relationship! So there's no way I would have made it anywhere near marriage without finding out.
06/28/2011
Contributor: MJ1337 MJ1337
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So, today at the STD support group we came upon this question:

If your life partner/husband/wife had an STD, and you had never had sex, or never had sex unprotected (which would expose your to the STD) would you sacrifice your body for your ... more
If it wasn't a life-threatening STD and was more inconvenient than lethal... than I'd do it for love!
06/28/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by RonLee
Very interesting situation. However, had I never had sex, or never had unprotected sex with that individual, we would NOT have progressed to the intimacy level where they had become MY life partner/husband/wife. Abstinence is not in my vocabulary.
Your reply was what I was thinking. Glad I read yours before I repeated what you said!
07/07/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
I've thought about that before and it's very hard to answer since I've never actually been in the situation so what how I think I would react could be totally different if it were to happen. Usually I would say heck no and leave especially if they kept it from me for so long and most definitely if they tried having sex with me or did have sex with me without telling me! That would definitely make me leave. Now I don't know about how I'd act now that I've been in a relationship for 5 years. I love him and I don't know that I'd leave him unless of course he had contracted the STD by cheating on me, then for sure I'd be gone! But I really don't think I'd leave. It would so suck though because there's no way I'd sacrifice my body too. I'd always be so paranoid and it would probably ruin sex for me. I guess I couldn't really say unless it happened which I hope with my entire heart it never does. We've both been tested though and I get tested very regularly since the STD test comes along with my regular exam for things like cervical cancer. The whole not being able to have children thing wouldn't apply to us. I'm unable to have children now, but was able to get pregnant twice only 2 years ago. Unfortunately, we lost them both. The good news is, we have 3 absolutely darling children who we've had with us now their entire lives! It really helps keep the depression over our biological children away. I guess we really got blessed to be able to have them though.

All in all, it's a very tough question, but I think there's a good chance I'd stay with him as long as he hadn't contracted it from cheating on me. I love him and sex isn't everything. It's wonderful and would be a serious pain if one of us were infected, but there are ways to prevent it.
07/18/2011
Contributor: M121212 M121212
You could still impregnate though, just by saving the semen and doing it the way lesbian couples do.

I would likely be very weirded out by the fact that they kept that from me for so long. I find it hard to speak about hypothetical situations though.
07/18/2011
Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
It would depend on the situation, I suppose, and the disease. I'd most likely stay, but whether or not I'd go unprotected depends on the risks.
07/19/2011
Contributor: LostBoy988 LostBoy988
Sorry but that is not worth it for me
08/13/2011
Contributor: Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
There are a lot of options to make sex something safe without sacrificing your body.
08/13/2011
Contributor: CherryDyke CherryDyke
I don't feel like it would be worth it.
08/29/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
if we got married and if they didn't say anything, i would probably not appreciate the honesty, especially since i would tell them about my personal issues. it's the dishonesty that would make me leave, not the fact that they have a disease (like P'Gell said, most STDs are treatable or can be cured; the only one that would be a problem is HIV/AIDS).

however, if we talked about and were upfront, i think i would risk myself, because after all, it's the person that makes them who they are, not a disease. if anything, it's just a mere inconvenience in the long run. i would try to have kids with them too
09/05/2011
Contributor: MR Chickhabit MR Chickhabit
hold on, im married for years and i never once had any sex with this person without a condom?

provided somehow this happens, if i found out that late in our relationship i would end the relationship. STDs are just deal breakers to me.
09/05/2011
Contributor: 7Miles 7Miles
If I was in a serious relationship with someone and a long way down the road he told me they had an STD a few big questions would pop into my mind.

1. Did he cheat on me? If so then the relationship is over.

2. Has he had an STD this whole time and lied to me about it? If that's the case then the relationship is over too because I don't want to be with someone who would keep something that important from me.

If he somehow caught an STD some other way then I would stay with him. The problem with this thinking is knowing how he got it. I hope I never actually have to deal with this!
10/22/2011