How Many women were raped? And does it affect you sex life now?

How Many women were raped? And does it affect you sex life now?

SapphirexIce SapphirexIce
Just curious if there are victims besides me?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes I was, and it affects my sex life alot
17  (16%)
Yes I was, But I got over it
34  (31%)
Never happened to me.
58  (53%)
Total votes: 109
Poll is closed
04/07/2011
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SapphirexIce SapphirexIce
I would have to say it somewhat does still bother me because I feel no matter who the guy is i just cant connect sexually , like theres just no connecti0on besides having it maybe im still traumatized.
04/07/2011
bluekaren bluekaren
It took me a long time to face it and get over it. I used to be a bit of a slut, thinking that no meant yes anyways. Since I have taken charge of my sexuality I don't have issues anymore. It took a long time. It was my first, so I think that made it all the more of a scar.
04/07/2011
teeny <3 teeny <3
Quote:
Originally posted by SapphirexIce
I would have to say it somewhat does still bother me because I feel no matter who the guy is i just cant connect sexually , like theres just no connecti0on besides having it maybe im still traumatized.
While I don't know your specific story, I can appreciate it as I and several people I know (men and women) have been assaulted. You're not alone in feeling that things are wierd for a while after. We all want to reclaim our genitals, and rightfully so. Entrusting them in someone else's care is an even harder step beyond that. Sexual jokes seem less funny and everday slang (bitch, slut, ho, etc.) becomes unbelievably offensive. You need to mourn for a while and that's totally fine.



I don't know that there's a formula for when exactly it will get better. It does though. I don't believe flashbacks ever vanish completely. There just comes a gradual turning around period when memories stop becoming something to be feared. Most of the survivors (I like the word survivors better than victims.) I've spoken too are in agreement that we're just sick of the assholes winning. They controlled us once through sex, they don't get to continue through fear and memory.



You should check out the Slut Walk that happened a few days ago. I wish I was close by and could participate! I have no doubt it would have been empowering!



04/07/2011
Annemarie Annemarie
I was sexually abused as a young kid, but I've recently moved on from it and experience pleasure in the same manner as I had been abused.

It helps that my significant other isn't into anal sex (the sexual abuse that I encountered), nor into any sort of forced actions.
04/08/2011
not your average knitter not your average knitter
Quote:
Originally posted by SapphirexIce
Just curious if there are victims besides me?
I was raped by someone I had been seeing, and had a child from it. She's three now, and I love that brat as much as if she came from a loving relationship. It affected me a lot. I cropped my hair off entirely, I had night terrors where I would cut myself with my nails in my sleep. I would have finger shaped bruising on my arms where I was gripping. It was really rough. Even after I sought help, I would still have nightmares. If I was in a relationship, I would have panic attacks if I was grabbed the wrong way or if they tried to sneak up and kiss me. It didn't help that before it happened, I had been in an abusive relationship. I thought I had started to have better judge in character. It was hard to move on. It all gradually melted away to just memories and at least a nightmare a month. Then I met my fiancé and had one nightmare, and he just wrapped his arms around me. I guess it's a matter of facing your fear, my subconscious had to see that I could trust men again. It also helps that I love love love that big gorilla, and he loves my little girl as if she was his own.
04/08/2011
SapphirexIce SapphirexIce
Quote:
Originally posted by not your average knitter
I was raped by someone I had been seeing, and had a child from it. She's three now, and I love that brat as much as if she came from a loving relationship. It affected me a lot. I cropped my hair off entirely, I had night terrors where I would ...
awwwww i feel so bad i was like that but not only wasi raped i was in abusive relationships where i was hit punched and kicked in the rib cage. I had teh same problems with dating people.
04/08/2011
Cream in the Cupcake Cream in the Cupcake
There should be an other option.
04/11/2011
BadassFatass BadassFatass
The only thing I can't deal with is having my mouth and nose covered at the same time...other than that, I'm pretty much fine, sexually.
04/16/2011
(Re)tired Stripper (Re)tired Stripper
I think that I never will "get over it." But I don't think it has a LOT of an effect on my sex life currently. It certainly has some negative effects, though it has been edging up on several years since the rape, and I have been through the appropriate therapy. I will never get over a lot of the awful things that have happened to me or around me, and my decisions and thoughts will always be somehow--if even slightly--changed by them.

I'm ok with that.

Certain faces sex partners make can trigger my thoughts, and being held down in a particular manner.

I also didn't enjoy sex for a long time unless it was largely clit-focused, and I had a hard time with giving blowjobs. I'm ok with blowjobs now. But I remain reall, really clit-focused and totally don't "get" dildos and non-clit vibes. I got my first non-clit vibe and though I enjoy the feel, I am not 100% comfortable yet and sort of at a loss for what to do with it sometimes. It's weird because I do have G-spot orgasms and squirt but I don't enjoy it terribly.

When I was really young I was inventive and used, uhm, my squishy jelly-like hairbrush handle (it was a squishy grip sort of thing that ran the entire length of the handle) and vaguely recall enjoying it very much.

Maybe one day I can get that enjoyment back!
04/17/2011
(Re)tired Stripper (Re)tired Stripper
Quote:
Originally posted by bluekaren
It took me a long time to face it and get over it. I used to be a bit of a slut, thinking that no meant yes anyways. Since I have taken charge of my sexuality I don't have issues anymore. It took a long time. It was my first, so I think that made ...
Hmm, thanks for sharing! I also was what I considered then to be slutty. My therapist, bless her, told me this was a completely normal reaction after being raped.
04/17/2011
kelaaa33wish kelaaa33wish
I feel for everyone that has been raped. I myself have never been raped so I can only imagine what one goes through. I have heard though that if a woman is being raped and she is still able to yell, don't yell RAPE because sadly people don't always want to get involved in helping, but to yell Fire as that gets more peoples attention and more willing to come to help.
04/22/2011
K101 K101
Wow! That was so brave of you to post that! I think that's very admirable. I was raped at 15 and nearly killed. I never spoke to people about it until 2 years ago. Just this year, I finally opened up about it with my readers. It definitely does affect my relationships and everything I do. I hate to say that because it sounds like I'm letting him win, but the truth is, it does.

I had serious issues with actually having a man on top of me in the dark. 3 Very bad experienced with that after the rape and I eventually told the BF. He was very helpful! I actually would not even use the word rape until 2 years ago.

It affects everything. It's something a woman will never forget. I do know that you can get better and this year has been a huge breakthrough with my own issues over it.

I still don't drive my car alone. Since it happened, I've only drove by myself a total of 8 or 9 times. He lives too close to me. He also knows that I went to the police and he knows that I told my BF because we seen him out one day and I had a panic attack and the BF beat him up very badly. I hate fighting, but I cannot blame him for doing it.

After that, I knew he knew I'd told so I'm always afraid. Even though its been 4 years, I actually find myself still being terrified. Just yesterday a 4 wheeler was stolen from my family member (the 4 wheeler was passed down by my grandfather who passed) and I've worried sick that it was HIM who done it because he told me that he knew where the person with the 4 wheeler lived, he named every member of my family and where they live. I'm afraid it's his warning to me.

So does it affect you? Yes, it does me. It's the most miserable thing I've ever gone through in my life.

I would like to hear how others deal with it though? I have only had the help of my BF and God. Only 2 family members know about it and he didn't go to jail for it. The man who did it to me, also did the same to 2 other women from what the police told me. He left the same "sginature" which was bite marks on the women's chest, stomach, and face. Thankfully, my scar from that is under my right breast so I usually don't have to see it and be reminded of it.

I really am interested to hear what helps other women deal with it, especially the anxiety and constant fear of the rapists threats. I've never talked about it to anyone except my BF. and family members/parents just don't know how to help so they think it's best to keep quiet.
04/26/2011
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by kelaaa33wish
I feel for everyone that has been raped. I myself have never been raped so I can only imagine what one goes through. I have heard though that if a woman is being raped and she is still able to yell, don't yell RAPE because sadly people don't ...
That fire thing is true! I yelled "help" to a friend instead of rape and it got me nowhere. It's horrible that you'll get more help by yelling fire! That's because so many people use the word rape lightly. I hear kids say "I'll rape you" all the time as jokes and I still cringe when I hear it. I hate the word and it would be helpful if people didn't use it so lightly.
04/26/2011
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I haven't been, so I can't even understand, but it makes sense why it would be hard to connect such a horrible experience with something that should be pleasurable.
06/29/2011
emiliaa emiliaa
No, but I've been emotionally abused and it still makes me somewhat cautious about certain acts. I'd imagine it would be very hard for a person who had been raped. If I am ever with a woman or man who was raped in the past I would be extra sweet and understanding. I see no reason not to be sweet and understanding no matter who you're with though. <3
07/04/2011
heidi.carls heidi.carls
I've never been a victim of rape. Although my sister has and I've helped her cope with it. She still hasnt been able to get over it. I'm always there for her no matter what.
07/06/2011
Anjulie Anjulie
It still affects me, but is getting better with time. Mostly i have aversions to things that remind me of it. For example, i cant be with anyone who drinks etc.
07/06/2011
Jenyana Jenyana
I was abused as a child, and though there was no penetration it still makes it hard for me to trust people enough to have sex with them. I don't show it, but inside I'm a big bundle of nerves the first time I allow someone access to my lady parts.
07/11/2011
soyandapplecrisp soyandapplecrisp
I think it affects my interactions with people more than anything, and maybe sexual preferences. I would say I'm over it, but not entirely. I don't think it's something anyone can entirely get over, there's always small things that you sometimes don't even notice until someone else points it out to you, or can even take years and years to notice. It usually isn't sex that's affected, I think so much as the "prereqs" leading up to it.
07/11/2011
MJ1337 MJ1337
I was technically not raped, I had intercourse when I was 14, but I consider my frame of mind as consentual.
07/11/2011
usmcwife99 usmcwife99
I was raped at a very young age, and gang raped a couple years ago.

Sometimes I cant even touch my husband, other times I have no problem.

Most of the time theres no problem, every now and then there is. I guess I get a certian look in my eyes and he knows to stop and he just holds me.

Nuff said
07/12/2011
Beck Beck
i was molested by my grandfather that sicko. and when i was 16 date raped thought he was my friend boy was i wrong. but im over it sometimes the grandfather kinda bothers me when i have really strange dreams about him but i get over it and let nothing affect my sex life that is my most enjoyable thing
07/13/2011
playtimeohsofun playtimeohsofun
Still bothers me from time to time but I am working on it!
07/17/2011
Leaving Love Leaving Love
Never happened
07/23/2011
anonomous anonomous
Hasn't happen thank god. I'm so sorry for anyone who was a victim.
07/23/2011
Rain. Rain.
I don't really like the poll options. Just because you "got over it" doesn't mean it doesn't affect your sex life and just because it doesn't affect your sex life doesn't mean that it doesn't affect other areas of your life. Even those that have healed can still have certain triggers or hard times. Personally I have healed, it took a really long time but I did. There are still things I struggle with occasionally but I get through it by taking one step at a time.

(PS - OP don't take my comments about the poll personally, I really don't believe you meant anything by it)
07/23/2011
Rhazya Rhazya
I was and the last time I tried having sex with someone I cared for, we couldn't have sex, because unconsciously I would be tightening/tensing a muscle and whenever he would hit said muscle it would hurt too bad too continue. After he left, I went to a doctor and got some dilators to try to help teach me how to relax/be used to penetration, but I haven't had sex since then so I don't know if it's helped or if I would still have a problem.

I'm not that sexperienced so I've never had what I'd call good sex yet.
07/23/2011
Defi Enyo Defi Enyo
When I was eleven I was kidnapped off of school campus and beaten, raped and verbally abused. And then he put me back on campus with a death threat on my head and let me go.I don't remember his face and when my mom picked me up and asked me what happened I just told her that I fell.It wasn't until I got home and took a bath that I took a inventory of my injuries.Three broken ribs, busted lip, concushion(damn can't ever write that word right),cut tongue,scratches all over my back and ribs.Bruising on my thighs and torso and nipples,and a gash on the back of my head.I didn't tell anyone not because of his threat but that I thought it was my fault for letting it happen, for years I thought that.Until I finally had enough of the self hate I had and told my mom when I was fifteen, sense then I had gotten into support groups and therepy and now my sex life is blooming I guess.I don't like it when people touch my ribs or the back of my head but I don't run away like a frightened doe anymore.Yahoo!
10/03/2011
LadyDarknezz LadyDarknezz
It still bothers me a lot til this day. I don't really want to go into details, but the abuse started when I was 6. A male and female were involved and it went on for quite some time. An unrelated incident happened to me when I was 14 where a stranger raped me as well. It's done a lot of damage to me and I've kind of been a bit of a recluse now because of that and my numerous medical problems. Since I'm on the iPhone, I'll cut this short and probably post something related to this when I can.
10/03/2011
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Total posts: 31
Unique posters: 27