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Suicide... Do you think it is important to discuss it with your children?

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Contributor: K101 K101
Hi guys! Do you think it is important to discuss suicide and suicidal feelings with your teens or even younger children? I always have thought it was very important to discuss and to let kids know it will always get better. I remember being a teen (it was only 2 years ago!) but I remember how high school was and how a lot of times it did feel like it was "the end of the world" you know those strong emotions you get as a teen or even as an adult?

Well last year a boy in the kid's school did it. His parents came out to speak to the kids and told them to always remember things can change and gave them a very nice talk. The 11 year old who just started 6th grade this year, was talking about it with me tonight. The oldest is 13 and he knew the boy who did it. Anyways, tonight he asked me if I thought the boy went to hell and he felt so bad for the kid. He had a lot of questions and I answered them to the best of my ability. I told him that he was only a child and in my opinion, God more than likely did not hold him responsible.

I also made a point to tell him that things ALWAYS get better no matter what and that if something makes you feel terrible enough to consider suicide that I am always open to talk about it. I told him any feelings he may have in his coming years, I've probably had the same. It was a nice talk and I'm glad it was brought up again. I think it is so important to discuss it with our kids.

What do you think? How would you respond? Have you ever talked to yours about it?

Please do share anything you want to. *If this brings up any yucky feelings for any of you I apologize deeply. I do not intend to do that, but am very grateful for anyone else (parent or not) who would discuss the topic here.)
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I have discussed this with the children.
6
I have not, but plan to.
7
I've never thought about discussing suicide with my kids, but maybe I will.
6
No and I do not intend to!
1
Other (sorry if I left anything out)
5
I do not have children, but would discuss it with them when the time was right.
44
I don't have children, but would not discuss it.
2
I do not have children and do not know if I would or would not discuss this topic with them.
8
Total votes: 79 (73 voters)
Poll is closed
08/24/2011
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Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
I wouldn't bring it up, but if they have questions I will certainly talk to them about it.
08/24/2011
Contributor: JRabbits JRabbits
I don't have any kids but I don't know if I would bring the topic up with them if I did. It's a very serious and scary issue and not one I'm comfortably with. But I'd like to think that if I was a parent that I'd be able and willing to discuss the topic with them if they brought it up.
08/24/2011
Contributor: BellaDonna2884 BellaDonna2884
I'm not sure how I feel about talking about suicide with kids. Although my mother and I have talked about it. If at some point in the future she is no longer capable of caring for herself or has a severe decline in mental function she doesn't want to live. I don't suspect that this would be a concern for many years but I know and respect her position.
08/24/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
I personally have had friends who have committed suicide. I think it is a very real and important thing to discuss with kids (should the topic come up whether in a movie, if a family member dies or if you take time out to remember passed friends or relatives).

One of my friends long, long ago, killed himself in the bedroom of his home with his brand new wife and baby in the next room. He (was only 22 years old) never let on things were that bad. It was devastating for us (his colleagues and his family). I will never forget the guilt I carried for not being available for him, not having foresight, not being able to read his mind, etc. One morning I woke up and thought, "You selfish bastard! You took the easy way out, you son of a bitch!" I never mourned for him another day, I mourned for his wife, baby, and his parents because they are the ones that had to clean up his mess.

I felt it was extremely important for my son to know the impact of what he had done had on everyone who cared about him. And carrying guilt, for a selfish act on someone else's part, is silly.
08/24/2011
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
As someone who previously suffered from suicidal depression, I think it's extremely important to discuss such things with children. I don't plan on having any children, but if I did I'd certainly talk with them about it when the time was right (or sooner, if it came up). It's a very difficult feeling for me to think about, though, so I can't really say how I'd go about it.

(Also, and really I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think a topic like this ought to be in the Sex Toy Information forum...)
08/24/2011
Contributor: carenautilus carenautilus
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
As someone who previously suffered from suicidal depression, I think it's extremely important to discuss such things with children. I don't plan on having any children, but if I did I'd certainly talk with them about it when the time was ... more
I agree. I think children should be taught about all sorts of emotions and states of mind. Especially the negative ones! That way they have more tools to deal with them.

And I'm afraid I agree about the appropriateness of this forum for this topic. I'm not really sure this is the best place to talk about.
08/24/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
When I was a child, I asked my mother about a friend's mother and why she never talked about her. She told me it was because "she put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger". I didn't think to question it, she didn't think to explain it.

I see the value in talking to children about suicide if it's something that directly affects them---either they are feeling suicidal or know someone who has committed suicide. I, personally believe every human being has the right to decide if they want to end their life. But, I think if a child were to approach me about the topic I would have to explain to them what happens when it's over. What's left and who has to clean it up and how horrific it is for those people.

Everybody dies. That's the one hard fact in life that no one can get around. And I think it should be approached in just that manner. How others deal with it or respond to it is entirely up to them.
08/24/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
I do not have children, but would discuss it with them when the time was right.
08/24/2011
Contributor: Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
Certainly if an event like that occurred that they knew about, I would do the same thing.
08/24/2011
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
Hi guys! Do you think it is important to discuss suicide and suicidal feelings with your teens or even younger children? I always have thought it was very important to discuss and to let kids know it will always get better. I remember being a teen ... more
I have two little girls (and a degree in Psychology) and every time I see something about suicide It occurs to me that the person in question put out lots and lots of warning signs about the situation and nobody listened. I plan to be involved in my girls lives so much that they will have to ask me to give them some space. I want to always be there so that I don't have to get into that discussion.
08/24/2011
Contributor: mizzmilla mizzmilla
I don't have kids yet, but I know when I was in middle and high school there were many problems with suicidal thoughts and attempts with friends and people around me. I would most definitely talk to my kids about suicide, as early as possible.
08/24/2011
Contributor: toxie m toxie m
As an angsty pre-teen I was a bit obsessed with the concept of suicide, and I do plan to talk to my future children about it when they are old enough to grasp it somewhat. I know how much time I spent dwelling on it and someone really should've sat me down a bit earlier to talk things out, before I hit the emotional insanity that being 13 brings. I'll hopefully be able to prepare my kids a little bit better someday.
08/24/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
I personally have had friends who have committed suicide. I think it is a very real and important thing to discuss with kids (should the topic come up whether in a movie, if a family member dies or if you take time out to remember passed friends or ... more
Aw I am so, so sorry. It is good to hear that you quit blaming yourself though. I think even if some how, some way I ended up feeling such an urge to commit suicide, at least having the kids and family and my partner would totally stop me, I think. I just couldn't bear even the thought of them not having me or being sad because of me. (Not that I am THAT important. Lol but of course they'd be sad) I am glad to see that I am not the only one who feels it is important to discuss though. There for a minute I was feeling a bit like a loner! Lol. I think it is important to let them know that if they ever considered suicide that we as parents, family members are here and will do whatever we can to help them. I don't think many people realize just how common it is for teens to at least consider it. I did. I never ever could have actually done it, but I thought about it before. I know teens think of it and sadly all people of all ages can do it and I really think it's important to at least acknowledge that feelings can happen and maybe talk to them about ways to deal if they ever felt that badly.

Thank you for your opinion. It was very kind of you to share and helpful. I hate that you carried that and that the guy's loved ones and children, etc. have to live with it.
08/25/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by carenautilus
I agree. I think children should be taught about all sorts of emotions and states of mind. Especially the negative ones! That way they have more tools to deal with them.

And I'm afraid I agree about the appropriateness of this forum for ... more
Yes this was actually meant to go in the "personal experiences" section, but I do not know why it landed here. Anyways, surely it isn't that big of an awful mistake, right?
08/25/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Eva Schwaltz
Certainly if an event like that occurred that they knew about, I would do the same thing.
Very glad to hear that. It certainly is a much harder thing to talk about than I ever imagined! I didn't expect it to be so tough and do not quite know why I thought it was tough, but it was! Lol. I just want my kids to want to live, to know the damages and to know that they do not ever have to carry something all alone. There's so much that needs to be said in my opinion, to kids when they do bring it up. It is hard to answer every question though and I guess my biggest thing is I don't like having to say I don't know.
08/25/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
I have two little girls (and a degree in Psychology) and every time I see something about suicide It occurs to me that the person in question put out lots and lots of warning signs about the situation and nobody listened. I plan to be involved in my ... more
That is just wonderful! I do agree that it seems there are signs and when someone threatens suicide so many people blow it off, but I always think it should be addressed when someone comes to you and says they want to do it. Maybe it is a way for attention, but I would rather know that I did the right thing and did what I could rather than blow it off. I think if someone needs attention bad enough to threaten suicide then maybe instead of blowing the off, why not give them a little attention? Anyways that's a bit off the topic. I am glad you brought up warning signs though. As teens I had a girl I was close to who wanted to die all the time. She would think up different ways to do it and usually a person who does end up doing it, they usually told at least one person! To me, suicide should always be taken seriously. I'm glad you are so involved with your kids. That's a nice thing. I don't see that often. I am the same way. I want to be involved in EVERYTHING they do. I love when they talk to me and are comfortable talking about even harsh things. I guess it lets me know that I have done something right in making it possible for them to come to me.

Always being there is a good idea. I really do believe having a strong and healthy bond with your kids will keep them happier and more at ease and it'll keep you happier too! Lol.
08/25/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by mizzmilla
I don't have kids yet, but I know when I was in middle and high school there were many problems with suicidal thoughts and attempts with friends and people around me. I would most definitely talk to my kids about suicide, as early as possible.
Same here! Suicide was EVERYWHERE when I was a teen. Being that age is scary enough, anything can send someone over the edge.
08/25/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by toxie m
As an angsty pre-teen I was a bit obsessed with the concept of suicide, and I do plan to talk to my future children about it when they are old enough to grasp it somewhat. I know how much time I spent dwelling on it and someone really should've ... more
I totally get ya about the insanity of being 13! I am grateful that you shared that. I think the same. I want to talk to them about it. I wasn't suicidal I wouldn't say, but I remember the bad things and how sometimes it feels so terrible. I'm glad to see that a few others would talk to their kids about it too.
08/25/2011
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
My boyfriend and I have both had a really rough go of life, though him more so than myself. We were both pushed to that brink and tried to kill ourselves (not together, this was before we met). Mine was a feeble attempt, and probably just a cry for help... A cocktail of Aspirin, Tylenol and Motrin. It made me extremely groggy, and I passed out in bed for several hours. Instead of dying I woke up with a nasty headache and decided if I couldn't "do it right," I wouldn't do it at all. I sought help from friends and family, and eight years later I am still healing, but much more whole than I thought I ever could be.

His tries were all true attempts to end his life, at least one of which landed him in a psych ward for a while. We both know from surviving suicide that there are people who would be devastated if we had been successful. We met in college and we are now one another's rock. I don't know his opinion on talking to kids about things like suicide, sex, and such things, but since we plan on having kids one day and have already discussed things like violent video games, discipline, vacations... Well, now that you have brought up suicide, I plan on asking him tonight, so thank you.
08/25/2011
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
Yes this was actually meant to go in the "personal experiences" section, but I do not know why it landed here. Anyways, surely it isn't that big of an awful mistake, right?
It is under "Personal Experiences," which is a part of the Sex Toy Information forum. The best place I can think of for this thread in the existing forums would be the "Social" section of "The Lounge."

And it's not a huge deal - it happens all the time (e.g. the topic about letting pets sleep in the bed with you is here, too), but the sheer gravity of the topic (and how close it hits home) is what gives me pause, and makes me uncomfortable with its location, which is why I spoke up. I hope that makes sense. Not really much that can be done at this point, though, so we might as well continue.
08/25/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Depression runs thick in my family, both sides.

I don't have kids, but if/when I have human kids, I'll bring up depression with them. I won't talk about suicide, but would use words like "when it gets to be too much" or "self-destructive feelings or urges". If they bring it up specifically, I'll talk with them about it. I think dealing with depression first would prevent talk about suicide.

But, if something happened and someone we knew took their own life, I think I'd definitely talk to them about it.
08/25/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
My parents never specifically educated about suicide, but a lot like JR mentions, they often reminded my siblings and I that "this is a small town and the world is a much bigger, better, exciting place filled with interesting people" and to not get discouraged because we had the power to improve things that were making us sad. I'd probably do similar. And if it came up specifically, whether brought up (verbally, or if I got a hunch that it needed deeper discussion) by a hypothetical child of mine, or by a student in school, then I'd address it in more depth.
08/25/2011
Contributor: PassionQT PassionQT
Yes, to the oldest who is a teenager because I think it's important at that age.
08/25/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
I don't have children but I do think that it's important to talk about.
08/25/2011
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
I suffer from depression as did my father and had attempted suicide. I would discuss depression but probably not suicide unless it was brought up by them or there were signs I felt warranted talking about it.
08/25/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
My boyfriend and I have both had a really rough go of life, though him more so than myself. We were both pushed to that brink and tried to kill ourselves (not together, this was before we met). Mine was a feeble attempt, and probably just a cry for ... more
Oh my. Bless your heart! I think it's so brave of you to be able to talk about that and I really appreciate your sharing.That is very kind as hearing other's true stories and raw feelings can really be helpful. I am sorry you and your boyfriend have gone through such hardships. I'm glad to hear you sought help and feel better. That takes a very strong person.

That is precious how you met and now are "Each other's rock" that really is nice to hear. I'd be glad to hear y'alls opinions when you've discussed the whole talking to kids about suicide.
08/26/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
Depression runs thick in my family, both sides.

I don't have kids, but if/when I have human kids, I'll bring up depression with them. I won't talk about suicide, but would use words like "when it gets to be too much" or ... more
Thanks for sharing. I think depression is something that should be talked about too and it's a great idea to explain that area and then suicide when and if it's neccessary.
08/26/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
My parents never specifically educated about suicide, but a lot like JR mentions, they often reminded my siblings and I that "this is a small town and the world is a much bigger, better, exciting place filled with interesting people" and to ... more
That's actually a great thing to hear! I like that you mentioned your parents saying those things. That gives me more to tell him when he's asking again. For some reason he has been stuck on it. I guess because school just started back and now he's in the school hearing constantly about the child who did. I'm glad you said that. Those are great things to bring up. I'll have to remember those types of comments when he's asking again. Thanks.
08/26/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by froggiemoma
I suffer from depression as did my father and had attempted suicide. I would discuss depression but probably not suicide unless it was brought up by them or there were signs I felt warranted talking about it.
Oh I'm very sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing though.
08/26/2011