It was a rare evening. My wife and I were home alone; the kids were at a friend’s house. The video had been sitting, taunting us, in a cardboard box. We had been looking forward to sitting down and “reviewing” for days (“reviewing” doesn’t happen frequently with young children running around). Finally, the time had arrived. We pulled out the air mattress, toys, and lubes and prepared to be entertained.

Within minutes we were wondering if the main character was a mute. Throughout the video she never said a word. We still aren’t sure if she could talk. Maybe she was such a bad actress that they didn’t dare give her any lines. Several of the women were on the heavy side, which isn’t really my thing, but there were a few women who were fit. I was shocked to see “5 o’clock shadows” on some of the women. That was a definite wardrobe malfunction. We were disappointed that we had to stop our playtime to fast forward through the parts of the video that were frozen. Nothing like a giant dick, frozen on the screen, to ruin my mood...I don’t think my wife minded quite as much though.

The story revolved around a hotel that had five separate celebrations. Most of the scenes focused on woman-on-woman (with lots of jewelry) action. There were three scenes with couples. The plot line was not complex, but it was difficult to follow the story because I was continually reminded of the time I spent in a cheap motel in Gallup, New Mexico. I was exhausted from traveling all day and decided that a hot shower was better than sleeping in the back seat of the car. I had just fallen asleep when I was rudely awakened by a squeaking sound. It took a moment to realize that the bed in the next room was being given a workout that the overused springs could not take. When I walked out the next morning I nearly bumped into the 70 year old woman and her 20 something boy-toy who used the room and got their money’s worth. I believe the bed that was in the hotel in Gallup, New Mexico was used in all of the “5 Rooms”. I had nearly forgotten the “Gallup Incident”. However, the nightmares have now returned thanks to the squeaking bed in the “5 Rooms”.