Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Threesomes is not what one would expect on a visual guide about threesomes. It focuses very little on actual threesomes; instead, it focuses more on advertising Vivid Entertainment and their porn stars. Before you even get down to the actual feature itself, there are nine campy and corny commercials with some of Vivid’s porn star girls talking dirty while trying to advertise Vivid’s products, AND having sex at the same time, which looked hilarious but for the most part, awkward, corny, and eeringly robotic. It will basically leave you thinking, “Is this video about real people having threesomes or about porn stars having threesomes?” The video slightly remembers that it is about real people, so they give Tristan Taormino the spotlight, but then…it all goes downhill from there.

Tristan Taormino, sex and relationship expert, first delves into what a threesome relationship can do for you. She notes that a threesome can bring excitement to one’s sex life and how it can make one’s relationship more honest and open minded since they are sharing and delving into each other’s fantasies. She delves into the types of threesome, such as “the V threesome,” which has two people having sex with the third person but not each other (such as two girls pleasing the man but not pleasing each other), and the “triangle threesome” where all parties have sex with each other.

Naturally, Ms. Taormino mentions a threesome between two girls and one guy, and two guys and one girl. She delves into seven simple tips, such as communicating, choosing the right fit for the threesome, setting boundaries, and so on. I was surprised at how short and sweet Ms. Taormino’s presentation was; at most it lasted for ten minutes. Although the short and sweet approach is pretty straightforward, one might not find that it was that helpful and that the information and tips given is pretty ordinary and nothing special or new. Also, one might find Ms. Taormino to be somewhat, well, boring. At times she seems very nervous in front of the camera, and speaks down to you as if she’s teaching sex education to a bunch of middle-schoolers. It was only near the end where she finally relaxed and had more fun with the presentation, but by that time, the whole presentation makes you feel like you’ve been ripped off.

The “acting” also didn’t leave much to be desired. Obviously, all these actors are porn stars. It would have been nice if they had real people having real sex, instead of shooting it like a soft core porno. The majority of the feature has a couple of Vivid’s porn stars putting Taormino’s tips into action, with Taormino’s voice pretty much saying the exact same things that she had said in the lesson (you have the option to also turn off the instruction during the sex scenes). It would have been more helpful if she added some extra tips, or at least expand her vocabulary, or say something similar to what was said instead of repeating the exact same tips. The acting, although trying to be steamy and “realistic,” just wasn’t realistic enough, nor hot enough, to make anybody learn about the fun and exciting world of threesome sex.

This film overall fails by focusing more so on the porn stars and how well they can have a threesome in bed and how many positions they can do in one night instead of focusing on us, real people who want to have a threesome. If this film were called “The Guide to Making a Threesome Porno,” then this would be right up one’s alley. Sadly, Tristan Taormino doesn’t own this film like she should; it’s the porn stars who pretty much rule the production. Tristan gets her ten minutes while the porn stars get their full hour and eight minutes, the equivalent of an actual porno. It’s a shame, because Tristan Taormino had some good things to say. Although not helpful or interesting, it was still insightful and simple. Vivid Ed, unfortunately, is just not focused on educating us. They are more focused on advertising Vivid’s sex toys and Vivid’s porn stars. The over ten minutes of porn stars posing for the camera, showing off their ass, talking like a robot on helium, and advertising sex toys BEFORE the film even starts just says it all.