Ultra harness 3000 - dildo harness by Doc Johnson - review by amp

This was my first-ever harness. I bought it in a musty old sex shop, and it came in a dusty old box. I had some great first-timer strap-on sex with this thing. My girlfriend could really work it. I, on the other hand, could never get my game on in it. It looks stupid on a petite girl because it's gigantic, and I had very poor control with the thing unless I tightened the straps to major "wedgie" levels. Ow. Furthermore, most of the dildos that work with it hang down like floppy elephant trunks. I prefer a more realistic "erection". That said, the floppy elephant trunk is good for doggy style or pile driving or other positions where "curving down" is better than "curving up" for G-spot stimulation.

The materials are certainly the highlight of this strap-on. They're very sturdy, and overall, the product is well made/made to last. I used it for nearly a year before moving on and never had anything tear or break (a real rarity for me!). It wasn't the softest leather ever, but then, it's on the cheap (price-wise) side when it comes to leather harnesses, and I feel like some saddle soap and oil would soften it up.

This is a Vac-U-Lock harness which means you can only use dildos with a hollowed-out section made specifically for plugging into the little red peg you see in the picture. You also have to make sure to lube up the red peg lest your dildo get really firmly stuck on the thing (i.e. hard to remove). I think this is a fine idea in theory and kinda cool, but the dildos made for the system are, on the whole, cheap and toxicy/plasticy smelling (one of mine melted when stored in fairly normal temperature in a drawer). Furthermore, they're usually very floppy and hang in a super unattractive and unergonomic fashion - think floppy elephant trunk at rest. They are not very realistic in terms of how normal cocks work (erections) and not good for G-spot stimulation in many positions, but they are nice for doggy style or other positions where a "downward curve" is the ideal.

Flaws of the system aside, I found the overall craftsmanship quite nice. I liked the choice to provide an opening on the bottom strap for ease of access, the hefty buckles, good choice of padding behind the red plug, and the solid stitching. Overall, it didn't look like something I could make myself or easily break.

It gets ugly. One of the worst things about this toy is the size/fit. If you are an average or petite-sized girl, this harness will look ridiculous. It is not. Sexy. At. All. The front piece is huge. It goes all the way up to your belly button. I feel like it might be flattering for a larger sized girl since it seems good for holding in a bit of a tummy. It looked better on my 5'9", slightly chubby girlfriend than it did on me, but it wasn't the sexiest thing I'd seen on her still. It might also look good on a transgender guy or cis guy or someone with a larger, more masculine body.

The worst part? The performance.

The mechanism generally does not fit snug against your crotch. That is, the front piece and dildo pull away from your body too much which creates a weird disconnect between your thrusting and what's actually going on down there. In fact, you could be thrusting away, but the dildo could just be chillin', not even moving, and 4" away from your body.

You can get better control if you tighten the straps A LOT. It then cuts into your skin around your hips, and here's the killer: the G-string also feels like fire on your ass crack. It's like the worst wedgie in the world. It is the worst.

On the bright side, the mechanism is super easy to pull on and off, and the buckles and leather mean there's no issue with anything loosening mid-play.

It's a bit tricky to pull off the dildos (they can get pretty stuck), and it's definitely tricky to clean the lube out from inside the hollowed out hole in the dildos which you should be applying unless you plan on never interchanging the cocks (they provide you with "powder lube" which I imagine eliminates the need for cleaning out the hollowed hole since it presumably doesn't get moldy or anything, but who feels like ever replacing that if it's lost or runs out?). It's a bit tricky to clean the strap that's been rubbing up in you vagina/ass and the section of the front piece that fits near your clit. Scrub hard.

I recall decent packaging and instructions. They are a bit hard to follow, but tinker around with it, and you'll get it if you have a decent IQ. Don't think you can store it in the package unless you take the whole thing apart, and why would you do that? I just throw it in my sex toy gym bag.

This harness will always hold a place in my heart because it was my first-ever harness. That said, now that I'm older and wiser, I will not be buying anything like it again!

My partner liked it more but also said it hurt.